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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wanting dd to meet new baby asap?

62 replies

amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 22:44

Booked date for c section and happens to be a day when all Gps usually work.
Dbil kindly offered to care for dd1 while dp and I are in hospital (he lives very close) I have always made it clear that dd should meet baby as soon as the hospital allow it.
Since then dm has insisted she will take the day off to have dd and I accepted as I knew dbil wouldn't mind.
She has now dropped into conversation that she will actually be taking dd to work with her. I said no as that would mean dd couldn't come to the hospital when we want her to and we would just return to the original plan with dbil if that's the case.
She got really annoyed that I wouldn't let her take dd, couldn't understand why I was bothered and sat in silence until I left the room. Aibu and precious to have told her no? I don't trust my own judgment at the moment

OP posts:

NicknameUsed · 15/06/2016 22:47

In the grand scheme of things does it really matter whether your DD sees her new sibling when it is a few minutes or a few hours old?

Besides, you don't know how things will turn out.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 15/06/2016 22:47

I have always made it clear that dd should meet baby as soon as the hospital allow it.

WHY?

grannytomine · 15/06/2016 22:50

Why not? Its her baby and her daughter, if she wants them to meet it isn't up to her mother to decide if that is right or wrong.

19lottie82 · 15/06/2016 22:50

I don't see the problem here...... As already pointed out, what actual difference do you think a few hours, or at worst, half a day will make?

Original poster

amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 22:51

I'm not sure why I just feel that way. In an ideal situation I would have her there for the birth but as its not going to be natural she can't be.

OP posts:

DoJo · 15/06/2016 22:52

YANBU - when my second was born, my parents brought my older child to the hospital within hours of being being born. They didn't come in themselves so that he would be the first to meet the baby and have a chance to get used to the idea of being a big brother before anyone else was involved. He was the first to know his little brother's name and got to announce it to his grandparents as well - it was lovely.
Even with a planned c-section you won't know when you are going to feel up to having visitors, so someone who can be flexible about when they bring your daughter would be far preferable to someone who is going to have to fit a visit around their working hours.
Apart from anything, it should be a fun, special day for your daughter when she is given some special attention and prepared to meet the new baby, not parked at work while someone else has their attention elsewhere.

grannytomine · 15/06/2016 22:53

OP, I understand how you feel. I had second son at home and first son saw him immediately after delivery and helped to wash and dress him. He always remembered it and they had a strong bond. If you want them to meet quite soon after the birth then you do that. No one else's business.

grannytomine · 15/06/2016 22:54

Well it is your husband's business as well but I am assuming he is with you on this.

MrsSpecter · 15/06/2016 22:56

Are you a wee bit anxious about this pregnancy/birth? You sound a bit controlly about this aspect and i'm wondering if its a response to anxiety? Like a distraction? Something you can control (birth being somewhat out of our hands)

Witchend · 15/06/2016 22:58

It's just as likely if you insist she cones in straight away that she will have a memory of having a special day with uncle/grandma and being dragged away to meet tis interloper that mummy and daddy are giving their full attention to and expect her to be delighted too.
Children have a nasty habit of being their own personality and not reacting as we want them to.

Original poster

amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 23:03

mrsspecter
My ideal birth would be at home with dp and dd. All other family members visiting just slightly later on if they wish. Im not at all anxious and frightened. I just have the view that the birth should be an experience shared as a family unit and would just like dd to arrive as soon as possible.

OP posts:

PenelopePitstops · 15/06/2016 23:05

YABU

How old is DD?

MrsSpecter · 15/06/2016 23:10

Yes i understand that, i think maybe your placing a bit too much importance on it to the point its now becoming a stress issue if it doesnt happen that way. Which really isnt what you need to be worrying about when you go into give birth. It would be lovely to have DD there ASAP. However, DD will have no concept of whether it was 3 hours or 6 hours after the baby was born. It doesnt actually matter how soon after the birth she arrives, it just matters that she does and its a lovely introduction to her sibling. Try not to build this into a stress inducer for yourself. Its not worth it.

Wolfiefan · 15/06/2016 23:10

It's not about your view though it's about DD and her sibling. Waiting a few hours to meet won't be a big deal. They have a lifetime to create memories and bond.

MrsFrankRicard · 15/06/2016 23:11

YANBU at all, even taking the birth out of the way for a second, why would your mum think your DD would be better off at work with her (bored) than having fun with her uncle, who has offered to help and is not going to be working? Your DM sounds controlling there. Back to the siblings meeting, I felt like you and wanted ds1 to be the first visitor to meet his little bro, as it turned out though, while he was the first to meet him it wasn't until the following day as even with a planned section I wasn't back on the ward until 10pm after getting bumped many times during the day for emergencies. So bear that in mind too, although I am sure you won't be that unlucky.

sparechange · 15/06/2016 23:11

You have a very optimistic view of how on time the elected CS list runs...
If any sort of emergency CS situation happens, you could be waiting hours or worst case, asked to come back the next day.
Don't overthink it (and have a back up in case you are bumped to the next day)

Original poster

amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 23:12

Maybe I am just super hormonal and extra delicate right now. I was just happier with the plan before dm decided she was taking dd to work. I know dd won't mind not being there straight away, that's not the issue. It's just that I (selfishly of course) want her to be there with us. A new addition to the family seems like a big deal.

OP posts:

kittybiscuits · 15/06/2016 23:13

I felt the same. My firstborn was brought to see baby as soon as I was in recovery. There is nothing wrong with your wishes and your mum has no right to dictate or sulk.

catkind · 15/06/2016 23:14

So she isn't actually taking a day off then? Given a choice between a day at GP's work and a day being looked after by BIL, I'd go for the latter anyway.
That'll be a YANBU from me.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/06/2016 23:17

Amigoing - could she go to work with your MIL, and then you could get bil to pick her up and bring her to the hospital?

Wolfiefan · 15/06/2016 23:18

But what does DD think?

MrsSpecter · 15/06/2016 23:18

Fwiw, i think i'd prefer her to be with uncle than at work with granny. I dont see your mum's reasoning for having her if she is working when there was already a good plan in place.

Original poster

amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 23:22

sdtg his job is flexible but if he wasn't babysitting he would go in.

sparechange oh I know it could be a timely wait. Dbil would take a few days off if necessary. It just means that when the time does arrive he is on call to head straight to the hospital.

OP posts:

Griphook · 15/06/2016 23:24

She got really annoyed just ignore her, you have other options, if bil if available and happy and willing to bring dd to hospital go with that.
Surely she'd have more fun with bil as dm is working?

Pohara1 · 15/06/2016 23:25

YANBU. When I had DD, my DS was with FIL. I expected that they would bring him to our house and leave him with us and DD. Was not expecting them to tell my now XP that they were keeping him for a few days. I really wasn't expecting XP to agree to this as we had talked about spending that first night alone with the DC.

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