Wanting dd to meet new baby asap?

[amigoingabitcrazy]

Booked date for c section and happens to be a day when all Gps usually work.
Dbil kindly offered to care for dd1 while dp and I are in hospital (he lives very close) I have always made it clear that dd should meet baby as soon as the hospital allow it.
Since then dm has insisted she will take the day off to have dd and I accepted as I knew dbil wouldn't mind.
She has now dropped into conversation that she will actually be taking dd to work with her. I said no as that would mean dd couldn't come to the hospital when we want her to and we would just return to the original plan with dbil if that's the case.
She got really annoyed that I wouldn't let her take dd, couldn't understand why I was bothered and sat in silence until I left the room. Aibu and precious to have told her no? I don't trust my own judgment at the moment

I suppose it depends on what her work is, but surely your child will be better at home anyway?

If she wants to take her to work surely she can do it st any other time.

Or does she have an issue with your BIL?

Why is the OP BU not switching plans from the originally agreed one (child's uncle takes leave) to a surely less ideal one (grandmother takes child to work with her).

The trusted relative who offered or was asked first and is willing to take leave to concentrate on the little girl is surely a much, much better choice than the one who asks to take child to work with her. The little girl may well be restless and unsettled, worried, over excited etc. on the day her new sibling is being delivered and her mum is in hospital - why would it be better she is in an office or other work place with somebody who can't pay full attention to her?

Even taking the hospital visit out of the equation "grandma takes small child to work with her" is an inferior choice to "uncle takes the day off to spend the day with small child", especially as the uncle was the first choice.

Why does grandma's make shift plan trump the already arranged and fully satisfactory arrangement with uncle, unless grandma wanted to make a big deal of showing her granddaughter off at work and wouldn't normally be allowed to take her in but plans to claim it is an emergency and unavoidable because the child's mother is in hospital and no other child care was available (perhaps she also wants to have "saved the day" by stepping into a non existent breech)?

You've got it covered with BIL OP, stick to the original plan, there is no reason to change to a worse one just to appease the relative with the less suitable plan who was not the first one asked...

We had my DS2!at quatre past 5 in the morning. My DS1 was at school so he didn't get to see his new sibling until after 3. Where as his sister who was a toddler saw him earlier at 11 when we were leaving the hospital due to her not being school age. A couple of hours won't hurt in the scheme of things might do you good to have afew hours on your own.

Be prepared that your DD might actually find meeting her new sibling very difficult and it might not go as planned! It really shouldn't be about what you want, but what is best for her. It can be very tough for a young child to deal with their emotions surrounding the arrival of a new sibling.

I had an elcs for my 2nd and I didn't want DS to have to come to the hospital and see me lying in a hospital bed with this new tiny person who he would now be sharing my attention with, and then have to leave again, leaving me all cosy with the new baby, so he didn't come until my DH was collecting us from the hospital and we were all going back together. Even then though, he was not impressed with the new arrival and was very subdued for a few weeks. He took the whole thing quite hard.

She could feel extra pushed out, if the day mummy & daddy go to the hospital to have a new baby she is going to be stuck at work with her GM. BIL sounds the way to go, and your mum will just have to suck it up.

Both my older kids really enjoyed meeting their younger sibling/s - DD was 24 months when her first brother was born and she was fascinated and started at him for ages and held him... both she and DS1 were the same way when DS2 was born - DS1 especially that time as he had a brother and was no longer the smallest (it was lovely as DS1 had not been keen on the idea of a baby when I was pregnant but adored him as soon as he was born).

Its really important IMO that whoever brings the older child to visit doesn't descend on the baby and ignore the older sibling, but has the decency to let the spotlight be on the meeting between siblings and step back a bit til they do get bored and want to cuddle mummy, then adult who brought older sibling gets their "go" with the baby.

For us it was grandparents (DH's parents) who brought the siblings to visit, but they did it exactly that way and it worked beautifully - the older siblings were the first to meet the baby, and the grandparents hang back a minute and came forward to coo once the toddlers had switched their attention to me (and the fascinating mechanisms of the hospital bed and TV above the bed).

When visiting hours started I was still in recovery with Ds2. Did you have a c section first time round? I had an emergency c section then an elective c section.

I gave birth in the morning, became a bit ill which didn't happen the first time round (they put it down the lack of adrenaline with the calmness of this c section) so I was hours in recovery.

Ds1 came to meet his brother with my Mum but it was in the middle of visiting not right at the start.

Elective c sections take place around emergency ones and after any complicated c sections. So you could give birth at 5pm.

DS1 was an EMCS, DS2 was a VBAC, so I was aware that anything could happen. My only criteria was that I wanted DS1 to see us in hospital so that he knew that we weren't at home without him- my childcare was my friend taking him on Guide camp!

DS2 was about 36 hours when DS1 was brought in. As a 2 year old, he was more interested in the present that new baby had brought for him. Getting mushy in anticpation of the moment would have been an anti-climax!

There's no point setting rigid ideas about when DD comes in, but you need to be happy that she's being looked after in the best conditions.

Stick to your guns OP
I cannot understand posters thinking that your view is OTT and taking a 3 year old to work for a whole day is a great idea, particularly as the OP wants the DD at the hospital.

DMIL is interfering with the plans and getting huffy because OP doesn't agree. Stick to your guns.

I don't understand why poster's are challenging your preferences. YANBU to want the birth experience you want and a new sibling is huge for a 3 year old.

Stick to you guns and do what makes you most comfortable. Having a plan does not make you controlling!

I've said the same after my labour. When we're ready to go home I want DS to come to see his baby bro and come home with us all together before others visit.

This is your experience - you do what you need / want. Good luck.

Just to say dbil actually works for my dp so him taking time off (paid of course) is absolutely not an inconvenience for him!

Have thought about it pretty much all night read everyone's comments and I really don't think I'm unreasonable to just return to the original plan where dd could visit exactly when we want her to (if all goes well of course) instead of this element being controlled by an external factor (dms working hours). There was a perfectly good plan in place before she insisted on having dd. I'm not being ungrateful to change my mind now she has changed her plans.

I also must say I completely agree with a number of posters saying I'm overthinking/romanticising the situation, you're totally right! I don't know what's going to happen on the day. Of course It could be a horrible mess of lengthy waits, blood, sweat and booby milk. But I don't think it's unreasonable to be hopeful that it could also go as smoothly as last time!

I think do whatever is nicest for DD. If she will have a fun day with DBIL then do that. Sitting around with an iPad at DM's work will prob be quite boring.

I'm sure your birth will be great, but DD will have no clue in later life how soon after it she met the new baby. I also think that you should do what makes you happy and feel comfortable going into the day. You're very pregnant and if there's one less thing for you to worry about, then all well and good.

You are heavily pregnant and you want what you want. It's a time for you to do what makes you most comfortable and your family unit happiest. So YANBU. And it's your BIL. She's still with family.