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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting dd to meet new baby asap?

62 replies

amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 22:44

Booked date for c section and happens to be a day when all Gps usually work.
Dbil kindly offered to care for dd1 while dp and I are in hospital (he lives very close) I have always made it clear that dd should meet baby as soon as the hospital allow it.
Since then dm has insisted she will take the day off to have dd and I accepted as I knew dbil wouldn't mind.
She has now dropped into conversation that she will actually be taking dd to work with her. I said no as that would mean dd couldn't come to the hospital when we want her to and we would just return to the original plan with dbil if that's the case.
She got really annoyed that I wouldn't let her take dd, couldn't understand why I was bothered and sat in silence until I left the room. Aibu and precious to have told her no? I don't trust my own judgment at the moment Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 23:26

wolfiefan

Dd is 3, doesn't know what day it is and couldn't care less Grin It's dp and me that want her to be there!

OP posts:
GingerDoesntHelp · 15/06/2016 23:27

Never mind when your DD meets the baby, surely she'll have a better day with your BIL at his or your house than with your DM at her work? Obviously if DM is a chocolate taster or something equally appealing, I might be wrong.

Wolfiefan · 15/06/2016 23:28

Would she rather go with a relative to work or hang around a hospital? Even at three she's got opinions!

elliejjtiny · 15/06/2016 23:29

YANBU. I think there is so much about birth we can't control, you should get to make the decisions when you can. My DS1 met DS2 at 3 hours old, DS3 was 16 hours old and DS4 and DS5 were in between. My older boys met DS5 before I did. It didn't make a difference to their bonding with each other.

Original poster
amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 23:31

wolfiefan
The choice is hanging out with uncle or going to work with gran. I was only going to have her at hospital upon babys arrival.

OP posts:
Original poster
amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 23:35

gingerdoesnthelp

Unfortunately for all of us dm is not a chocolate taster [super sad face] I could seriously do with some free samples!

OP posts:
blondieblondie · 15/06/2016 23:41

I think YANBU. Your dc, your decision. Your mother is being unreasonable, firstly for not telling you the full plan, secondly for throwing a strop about you reverting to plan A. I certainly think she should respect your wishes. It's surely less inconvenience for everyone if bil takes your dc, so what's her problem?

EveOnline2016 · 15/06/2016 23:41

To be honest I think a 3 year old seeing her mum with drip catheter and possible other medical item is a bit scary, plus you will still be numb from the spinal block. This on top of meeting her sibling may just be too much for her to deal with.

Why not wait until you are mobile and had a shower and looking a bit normal before dd comes into the hospital.

missymayhemsmum · 15/06/2016 23:48

You don't know how things will go. Why not just leave it that uncle and granny will co-operate to care for your dd from when you go into hospital (planned or otherwise) until your dh calls to say that you and the new baby are ready to receive her. Csection being a major op, birth not being predictable, hospital schedules being all to pot, etc. Your dd needs to meet the baby at a reasonable time of day for her, too, I mean not at 11pm or something daft.

BackforGood · 15/06/2016 23:48

My first thought was the same as the poster who asked why your mother thought it would be better for your dd to spend a day at her work, than for your dd to have a day with her Uncle who has taken time off work. Unless your Mum runs a Nursery I can't see how that would ever be a good idea, regardless of the new baby's arrival.
Secondly, I don't think you should get in mind that your new lo will be born and all ready for visitors early on in the day - there are a lot of reasons that might not be.

Original poster
amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 23:49

eveonline
I would judge it accordingly of course. But if it's anything like my emcs with her (No complications, chatty and comfortable in the recovery room) I would be more than happy for her to visit in the ward. Plus, unfortunately I suppose, the whole hospital setting is not new to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
amigoingabitcrazy · 15/06/2016 23:54

missymayhems
I would be happy for any close family member to be taking care of her as long as they could bring her in when we ask. The problem was that if she went to work with dm that can't happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
amigoingabitcrazy · 16/06/2016 00:00

Thank you for replies. Think I will just stick with dbil having dd during the day and let dm go to work as this was the original plan, there was nothing wrong with it and I felt happier about it. Was feeling quite guilty earlier for telling dm no after her reaction but not so much any more x

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 16/06/2016 00:10

amigoingabitcrazy wise plan, for what it is worth YANVU.

Your mum is being very unfair, to change plan, to not tell you full plan and to want to control when your dd gets to meet her new sibling!

Don't stress too much about when it will be but do what is right for you!

We have photos of dd meeting Grandma very early on and it is very special to me to have those photos. It's not up to other people how you and your dh do things.

All the best and congratulations.

dolkapots · 16/06/2016 00:13

It is up to you OP but there is no need to get worked up about it at this stage. As another poster said an elective C/S can be put off if they are busy. I was on an antenatal ward and a woman expecting twins had to wait 5 days as they kept having emergencies.

One place I don't think is suitable for children (esp very young ones) is a birthing room. I imagine that could be very upsetting for some children. Not the best introduction to a new sibling I would have thought waits for one hundred posters to say their 2 year old delivered their sibling and really enjoyed the experience.

PeppasNanna · 16/06/2016 00:17

Seriously, relax its really not that big an issue... YABU

steff13 · 16/06/2016 00:20

#1 son was about 2.5 when #2 son was born. We introduced him to his baby brother at the hospital, he pointed, and said, "I don't want that." Such a special moment. Hmm

DailyFaily · 16/06/2016 00:21

I think YANBU. You have a preference for how you would like things to be (as you are perfectly entitled to) and you have an option with BIL for it to be that way - I can't see any benefit for you or your DD for your DM to take her. Do you think maybe your DM wants to keep hold of your DD so that she ends up coming in and seeing the baby before everyone else?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 16/06/2016 00:25

YANBU💐

Your DM is being controlling & ridiculous. If your DBIL is happy to have her & bring her in, then do that & don't feel bad about it, it's a lovely plan.

I hope this birth goes as well for you as DD's did 💐

fatandold · 16/06/2016 00:35

Just let you and DH bond with new baby for a few hours first and recover from major surgery immediate aftermath and get the first couple of feeds in, then you'll be delighted to introduce DD to new baby. She'll probably be totally unimpressed and bored!!!
As pps have said, the exact timing just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. You are overthinking this massively, and probably overestimating your capacity to entertain a bored and lively 3 year old on a hospital ward, and romanticising the whole first meeting massively. You'll have happy memories whether it's the same hour, day or week!

Make sure baby has a present for DD when she comes. Always a good way to start on the right foot.

Good luck!

CarrieLouise25 · 16/06/2016 00:48

I had a home birth recently. DD came and went as she pleased, disappeared upstairs with DS1 when actually giving birth but came racing down when she heard her little brother was out. Best intro ever, no issues over anything.

OP, it's your DD, and what you want is very very important. Not someone else's idea of what's important. It's taken 9 months to make this beautiful baby, and with a c-section booked and birth being one of those unpredictable uncontrollable events, focussing on the meeting afterwards should be about what you want, and everyone should bend over backwards to accommodate your needs at this time, whether they think they're reasonable or not Grin

Lots of luck, hope it all goes well, and hope your DD meets her new sibling as soon as possible! Smile

DeathStare · 16/06/2016 04:36

I was just happier with the plan before dm decided she was taking dd to work

Your DM doesn't get to decide this. She can decide that this is what she is offering but it is only an offer (no matter what she thinks). Only you and your DH can decide . Take the control back and stop letting her feel that she has the power to make this decision.

Isetan · 16/06/2016 05:25

Did I read that right, your BIL is prepared to take several days leave (if necessary) to accommodate your ideal scenario of your toddler meeting their new sibling ASAP?

This sounds more like you desperately trying to control an element of a situation that is beyond your control and maybe focusing on this is a distraction from that reality. The issue here is does the 'benefits' of your child meeting their new sibling immediately after birth, outweigh the stress of trying to make it happen. You can plan but you can't control.

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 16/06/2016 06:12

Aibu and precious to have told her no?

Yes. You have a trusted GP to take care of your DD for the day. Your DD will see the baby soon enough, probably still within hours of it being born. Be grateful you have everything sorted and stop looking to create problems and hassle where there needn't be any.

The issue here is does the 'benefits' of your child meeting their new sibling immediately after birth, outweigh the stress of trying to make it happen. You can plan but you can't control.

Totally agree with this. ^

NavyAndWhite · 16/06/2016 06:22

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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