Wanting dd to meet new baby asap?

[amigoingabitcrazy]

Booked date for c section and happens to be a day when all Gps usually work.
Dbil kindly offered to care for dd1 while dp and I are in hospital (he lives very close) I have always made it clear that dd should meet baby as soon as the hospital allow it.
Since then dm has insisted she will take the day off to have dd and I accepted as I knew dbil wouldn't mind.
She has now dropped into conversation that she will actually be taking dd to work with her. I said no as that would mean dd couldn't come to the hospital when we want her to and we would just return to the original plan with dbil if that's the case.
She got really annoyed that I wouldn't let her take dd, couldn't understand why I was bothered and sat in silence until I left the room. Aibu and precious to have told her no? I don't trust my own judgment at the moment

[CarlGrimesMissingEye]

You are heavily pregnant and you want what you want. It's a time for you to do what makes you most comfortable and your family unit happiest. So YANBU. And it's your BIL. She's still with family.

[PollyCoddle]

I think do whatever is nicest for DD. If she will have a fun day with DBIL then do that. Sitting around with an iPad at DM's work will prob be quite boring.

I'm sure your birth will be great, but DD will have no clue in later life how soon after it she met the new baby. I also think that you should do what makes you happy and feel comfortable going into the day. You're very pregnant and if there's one less thing for you to worry about, then all well and good.

[amigoingabitcrazy]

Just to say dbil actually works for my dp so him taking time off (paid of course) is absolutely not an inconvenience for him!

Have thought about it pretty much all night read everyone's comments and I really don't think I'm unreasonable to just return to the original plan where dd could visit exactly when we want her to (if all goes well of course) instead of this element being controlled by an external factor (dms working hours). There was a perfectly good plan in place before she insisted on having dd. I'm not being ungrateful to change my mind now she has changed her plans.

I also must say I completely agree with a number of posters saying I'm overthinking/romanticising the situation, you're totally right! I don't know what's going to happen on the day. Of course It could be a horrible mess of lengthy waits, blood, sweat and booby milk. But I don't think it's unreasonable to be hopeful that it could also go as smoothly as last time!

[Babytalkobsession]

I don't understand why poster's are challenging your preferences. YANBU to want the birth experience you want and a new sibling is huge for a 3 year old.

Stick to you guns and do what makes you most comfortable. Having a plan does not make you controlling!

I've said the same after my labour. When we're ready to go home I want DS to come to see his baby bro and come home with us all together before others visit.

This is your experience - you do what you need / want. Good luck.

[MissMargie]

Stick to your guns OP
I cannot understand posters thinking that your view is OTT and taking a 3 year old to work for a whole day is a great idea, particularly as the OP wants the DD at the hospital.

DMIL is interfering with the plans and getting huffy because OP doesn't agree. Stick to your guns.

[MrsMook]

DS1 was an EMCS, DS2 was a VBAC, so I was aware that anything could happen. My only criteria was that I wanted DS1 to see us in hospital so that he knew that we weren't at home without him- my childcare was my friend taking him on Guide camp!

DS2 was about 36 hours when DS1 was brought in. As a 2 year old, he was more interested in the present that new baby had brought for him. Getting mushy in anticpation of the moment would have been an anti-climax!

There's no point setting rigid ideas about when DD comes in, but you need to be happy that she's being looked after in the best conditions.

[VoleSnuffle]

When visiting hours started I was still in recovery with Ds2. Did you have a c section first time round? I had an emergency c section then an elective c section.

I gave birth in the morning, became a bit ill which didn't happen the first time round (they put it down the lack of adrenaline with the calmness of this c section) so I was hours in recovery.

Ds1 came to meet his brother with my Mum but it was in the middle of visiting not right at the start.

Elective c sections take place around emergency ones and after any complicated c sections. So you could give birth at 5pm.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Both my older kids really enjoyed meeting their younger sibling/s - DD was 24 months when her first brother was born and she was fascinated and started at him for ages and held him... both she and DS1 were the same way when DS2 was born - DS1 especially that time as he had a brother and was no longer the smallest (it was lovely as DS1 had not been keen on the idea of a baby when I was pregnant but adored him as soon as he was born).

Its really important IMO that whoever brings the older child to visit doesn't descend on the baby and ignore the older sibling, but has the decency to let the spotlight be on the meeting between siblings and step back a bit til they do get bored and want to cuddle mummy, then adult who brought older sibling gets their "go" with the baby.

For us it was grandparents (DH's parents) who brought the siblings to visit, but they did it exactly that way and it worked beautifully - the older siblings were the first to meet the baby, and the grandparents hang back a minute and came forward to coo once the toddlers had switched their attention to me (and the fascinating mechanisms of the hospital bed and TV above the bed).

[BirdInTheRoom]

Be prepared that your DD might actually find meeting her new sibling very difficult and it might not go as planned! It really shouldn't be about what you want, but what is best for her. It can be very tough for a young child to deal with their emotions surrounding the arrival of a new sibling.

I had an elcs for my 2nd and I didn't want DS to have to come to the hospital and see me lying in a hospital bed with this new tiny person who he would now be sharing my attention with, and then have to leave again, leaving me all cosy with the new baby, so he didn't come until my DH was collecting us from the hospital and we were all going back together. Even then though, he was not impressed with the new arrival and was very subdued for a few weeks. He took the whole thing quite hard.

She could feel extra pushed out, if the day mummy & daddy go to the hospital to have a new baby she is going to be stuck at work with her GM. BIL sounds the way to go, and your mum will just have to suck it up.

[JessicaRabbit3]

We had my DS2!at quatre past 5 in the morning. My DS1 was at school so he didn't get to see his new sibling until after 3. Where as his sister who was a toddler saw him earlier at 11 when we were leaving the hospital due to her not being school age. A couple of hours won't hurt in the scheme of things might do you good to have afew hours on your own.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Why is the OP BU not switching plans from the originally agreed one (child's uncle takes leave) to a surely less ideal one (grandmother takes child to work with her).

The trusted relative who offered or was asked first and is willing to take leave to concentrate on the little girl is surely a much, much better choice than the one who asks to take child to work with her. The little girl may well be restless and unsettled, worried, over excited etc. on the day her new sibling is being delivered and her mum is in hospital - why would it be better she is in an office or other work place with somebody who can't pay full attention to her?

Even taking the hospital visit out of the equation "grandma takes small child to work with her" is an inferior choice to "uncle takes the day off to spend the day with small child", especially as the uncle was the first choice.

Why does grandma's make shift plan trump the already arranged and fully satisfactory arrangement with uncle, unless grandma wanted to make a big deal of showing her granddaughter off at work and wouldn't normally be allowed to take her in but plans to claim it is an emergency and unavoidable because the child's mother is in hospital and no other child care was available (perhaps she also wants to have "saved the day" by stepping into a non existent breech)?

You've got it covered with BIL OP, stick to the original plan, there is no reason to change to a worse one just to appease the relative with the less suitable plan who was not the first one asked...

[Lweji]

I suppose it depends on what her work is, but surely your child will be better at home anyway?

If she wants to take her to work surely she can do it st any other time.

Or does she have an issue with your BIL?

[DontDrinkAndFacebook]

Aibu and precious to have told her no?

Yes. You have a trusted GP to take care of your DD for the day. Your DD will see the baby soon enough, probably still within hours of it being born. Be grateful you have everything sorted and stop looking to create problems and hassle where there needn't be any.

The issue here is does the 'benefits' of your child meeting their new sibling immediately after birth, outweigh the stress of trying to make it happen. You can plan but you can't control.

Totally agree with this. ^

[Isetan]

Did I read that right, your BIL is prepared to take several days leave (if necessary) to accommodate your ideal scenario of your toddler meeting their new sibling ASAP?

This sounds more like you desperately trying to control an element of a situation that is beyond your control and maybe focusing on this is a distraction from that reality. The issue here is does the 'benefits' of your child meeting their new sibling immediately after birth, outweigh the stress of trying to make it happen. You can plan but you can't control.

[DeathStare]

I was just happier with the plan before dm decided she was taking dd to work

Your DM doesn't get to decide this. She can decide that this is what she is offering but it is only an offer (no matter what she thinks). Only you and your DH can decide . Take the control back and stop letting her feel that she has the power to make this decision.

[CarrieLouise25]

I had a home birth recently. DD came and went as she pleased, disappeared upstairs with DS1 when actually giving birth but came racing down when she heard her little brother was out. Best intro ever, no issues over anything.

OP, it's your DD, and what you want is very very important. Not someone else's idea of what's important. It's taken 9 months to make this beautiful baby, and with a c-section booked and birth being one of those unpredictable uncontrollable events, focussing on the meeting afterwards should be about what you want, and everyone should bend over backwards to accommodate your needs at this time, whether they think they're reasonable or not

Lots of luck, hope it all goes well, and hope your DD meets her new sibling as soon as possible!

[fatandold]

Just let you and DH bond with new baby for a few hours first and recover from major surgery immediate aftermath and get the first couple of feeds in, then you'll be delighted to introduce DD to new baby. She'll probably be totally unimpressed and bored!!!
As pps have said, the exact timing just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. You are overthinking this massively, and probably overestimating your capacity to entertain a bored and lively 3 year old on a hospital ward, and romanticising the whole first meeting massively. You'll have happy memories whether it's the same hour, day or week!

Make sure baby has a present for DD when she comes. Always a good way to start on the right foot.

Good luck!

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

YANBU💐

Your DM is being controlling & ridiculous. If your DBIL is happy to have her & bring her in, then do that & don't feel bad about it, it's a lovely plan.

I hope this birth goes as well for you as DD's did 💐

[DailyFaily]

I think YANBU. You have a preference for how you would like things to be (as you are perfectly entitled to) and you have an option with BIL for it to be that way - I can't see any benefit for you or your DD for your DM to take her. Do you think maybe your DM wants to keep hold of your DD so that she ends up coming in and seeing the baby before everyone else?

[steff13]

#1 son was about 2.5 when #2 son was born. We introduced him to his baby brother at the hospital, he pointed, and said, "I don't want that." Such a special moment.

[PeppasNanna]

Seriously, relax its really not that big an issue... YABU

[dolkapots]

It is up to you OP but there is no need to get worked up about it at this stage. As another poster said an elective C/S can be put off if they are busy. I was on an antenatal ward and a woman expecting twins had to wait 5 days as they kept having emergencies.

One place I don't think is suitable for children (esp very young ones) is a birthing room. I imagine that could be very upsetting for some children. Not the best introduction to a new sibling I would have thought waits for one hundred posters to say their 2 year old delivered their sibling and really enjoyed the experience.

[Italiangreyhound]

amigoingabitcrazy wise plan, for what it is worth YANVU.

Your mum is being very unfair, to change plan, to not tell you full plan and to want to control when your dd gets to meet her new sibling!

Don't stress too much about when it will be but do what is right for you!

We have photos of dd meeting Grandma very early on and it is very special to me to have those photos. It's not up to other people how you and your dh do things.

All the best and congratulations.

[amigoingabitcrazy]

Thank you for replies. Think I will just stick with dbil having dd during the day and let dm go to work as this was the original plan, there was nothing wrong with it and I felt happier about it. Was feeling quite guilty earlier for telling dm no after her reaction but not so much any more x