To not give this 'friend's' child a lift to school anymore

[elodie2000]

DD has been 'friends' with this girl since the start of primary school. I have know my 'friend' (her Mum) for the same number of years. We have met each other socially many times in the past.
They both started high school 5 miles away from home at the same time and are coming to the end of their first year. I have taken them both in the car all year and was happy to do so because I thought DD and friend's daughter were good friends. I also thought I was good friends with her Mum.
However…I have not seen (or really heard from) this girl's Mum all year. It's almost like I am now doing this 'job' for her and she doesn't really need to make an effort anymore. I get very short text messages to arrange pick up times etc. but that's it. The girl has also turned out to be not such a good friend to DD after all. She is very competitive, ignores DD when she tries to make conversation (replies with one word answers) and is rude to me (no hello, goodbye or thank you).
Today, this girl spent the journey looking out of the window and DD didn't bother with her as she's given up trying.
WIBU to just text Mum and say we're not able to give her a lift anymore even though I know she would struggle to get her DD there herself?
Give a reason? Not give a reason? WWYD?

Cheque has been cancelled. Nothing to see here people.

dorisdog - 'If her behaviour towards you is out of character, maybe it's a sign there's something difficult happening.'

I do understand what you're saying and I wondered that too early on.
BUT, no, they are fine. I've found out gradually over the year that she has cleverly built up a team of people who do favours for her.

Her MIL, mother, neighbours, sister are all on 'Team do everything for me'. Washing gets taken in, ironing done, dogs walked, other lifts in the evening to Guides and clubs, evening childcare.

FB tells me that she has a lot of time to herself… :D

Has the girl had lifts with you since the tx OP? How has that been?

Has she paid you for this?

Ignore that.

Sounds like you have been taken for granted- not kind or fair. You have certainly done your share and yes - as others have said you are being used as a free taxi.

I would tell her that from September she needs to make other arrangements; you don't have to explain, why should you?

Politely say that unfortunately due to changes in circumstances you won't be able to give a lift.in September anymore. You don't need to specify what. It may be that the girl you take isn't liking it much either. I had this happen with a girl from primary school and it was a huge relief to both families when we had to stop trying!

Hi, several people have asked me for a lift to and from school so I have decided that from now on I will be charging everyone £40 a week. Hope that works for you, ok bye!

I think it would have been better for you and your DD, who waits an hour every day for you, if you had asked her to start dropping your DD home. If she refused, then you stopped the lifts.

I would just text her and let her know. Had to do similar with the daughter of a friend and swimming lessons - it just got too much and when her DD refused to get dressed and hid in a locker week after week and people thought she was my daughter (she was 10) I told her it was no longer working for me.

Yoo hoo people, OP doesn't need any more advice about the lift situation, she resolved it days ago.

Well, that was disappointing.

Sorry OP, no offence intended but with a nine page thread I was expecting drama and excitement, not "I can't do it", "ok"!

this scenario happened to me, in the end i just sent a text previous day with an excuse and the mom had to arrange something else. sorry but some people have no manners and deserve a taste of their own medicine (rudeness).

Someone may have already suggested this but how about texting and saying you wonder if it would be best for her to either make a contribution or you share the school runs? With the money she has saved she could afford to pay taxis on her days if she doesn't drive... Saves you feeling bad by saying no and then feeling awkward (even though you have no reason to) xx

I actually don't think she'll ask why it's not working for you. She'll probably say 'no problem' and find someone else to take advantage of?

This happed to me op dropping my ds friend home from cadets twice a week as his mum work nites and they are quite vunrable to attack in the ar,y get up

No word of thanks ever from the mum no offer ever to drop my boy home when she was off then one day it came to a head when my husband hadn't come home had to get next door to watch sleeping baby for 15 minutes while I picked them I I explained he would have to come back to mine and I would drop him when my oh came home he told me to sod off
Walked off

I texted his mum to let her know what happed I was so cross I actually went round to see her the next day and told her I would no longer be giving lifted her son was very rude and he wouldn't be welcome back to ours unless be apologised

Never again she claimed she didn't even no I was giving him lifts home wtf ever lady

YANBU, My DL and I had such a 'free' who we would only really hear from if they needed something or their (awful) girls looking after. She changed her girls school and as we were no longer of use the only contact we have is if we bump into them in town.
And if your DD and her kid don't get on then why bother?

I had a lift share for a while with a woman who worked from home - on the days I worked, I'd drop DS at her house; on the days I didn't, I'd pick up her daughters. It was slightly out of my way.

They were never ready when I turned up, so we had to rush. DS said they were nearly late for school every day she did the driving as they set off so late & had to run down the lane

When a punctual & reliable friend started sending her two to the school, I switched to sharing with her, giving the original sharer half a term's notice.

Afterwards, DS said he'd never felt safe in the car as she drove much too fast He hadn't said anything because he knew the lift share made my life easier

What does your DD think - are you sure there won't be an impact? I would def not say that they no longer get along - that's asking for trouble. I really think you need your daughters opinion too. The other girl will prob be relieved to get the bus if she is not comfortable with your dd- her mum prob insists as it suits her.
I would stop arrangement from September and say as little as possible. If she pushes you then just be careful not to say that your DD doesn't like hers as that will be problematic for you and your DD.

RTFT cody. Problem solved days ago.

I find the behaviour of some people truly appalling. If I had entered into this arrangement and my child was being taken to school I would in the very first instance offer to contribute to the petrol at the very least. Lots of good advice on here not to give a reason and your daughter may be relieved. I do feel for the daughter of your "friend" but the mother has to take responsibility. Gird your loins and do it now; the mother will have all summer to make arrangements. Also, imo, the time in the car with your own child is sometimes precious and an opportunity to discuss allsorts. With another person in the car that you are no entirely comfortable with that would be tricky. Well done OP for helping out for so long.

Grumpy old bag by name and nature! Not the greatest sin to not read to end - not the first or last to do so - haven't got that much time on the loo - (flushes) get a grip grumpy.

This reminds me of a situation I got into where a friend at the school asked me if I could 'just scoop xx up and drop him back next Monday night'. This started as a favour as the friend was working up til pick up time, this then became a weekly thing, then on a Tuesday too, then they moved and it was no longer on my way home, then on the one occasion I couldn't do it she was really miffed with me. Final straw was finding out she'd given up her job 3 months earlier and hadn't bothered to tell me or offered to help me out instead as I was working full time. I just told her I couldn't do it anymore and didn't offer any explanation she could argue with. I've since discovered she's got other mothers at school running around after her. Some people are just takers aren't they?

sorry cody forgot to add the no offence intended just ensuring everyone is up to date.