Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To not give this 'friend's' child a lift to school anymore

228 replies

elodie2000 · 15/06/2016 21:01

DD has been 'friends' with this girl since the start of primary school. I have know my 'friend' (her Mum) for the same number of years. We have met each other socially many times in the past.
They both started high school 5 miles away from home at the same time and are coming to the end of their first year. I have taken them both in the car all year and was happy to do so because I thought DD and friend's daughter were good friends. I also thought I was good friends with her Mum.
However…I have not seen (or really heard from) this girl's Mum all year. It's almost like I am now doing this 'job' for her and she doesn't really need to make an effort anymore. I get very short text messages to arrange pick up times etc. but that's it. The girl has also turned out to be not such a good friend to DD after all. She is very competitive, ignores DD when she tries to make conversation (replies with one word answers) and is rude to me (no hello, goodbye or thank you).
Today, this girl spent the journey looking out of the window and DD didn't bother with her as she's given up trying.
WIBU to just text Mum and say we're not able to give her a lift anymore even though I know she would struggle to get her DD there herself?
Give a reason? Not give a reason? WWYD?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 15/06/2016 22:32

'I would have probably done it til the end of term because it might not be possible to just pay for the weeks left this term.'

And subject your child to a rude, sullen person on her ride home when the mother is perfectly capable of taking her in herself if she bothers her arse to get up earlier?

Tamesa · 15/06/2016 22:33

Tomorrow morning when you pick up the sulky madam, I would have a jolly conversation with her and explain that one of the reasons that you are no longer able to take her to school is that you are no longer able to tolerate her sulky and rude manner. Ask her to pass that on to her mother and say that her mother is welcome to contact you for the other reasons. You are unlikely to be contacted but if you are.... Well we can consider then

robin64 · 15/06/2016 22:35

Lift shares are useful and environmentally sound but they can be a bit tricky at times. The kids/parents don't really need to be best buds as long as there is no bad relationship. I think there does need to be some ground rules from the get go though. Either it is reciprocal - you do mornings they do afternoons or petrol contribution/ decent gift at end of each term if money not wanted. OP did you ever outright ask for the evening lift from the "friend"? Good grief if she said no..I would have ended the arrangement then and there if so.

School run is a massive helpful favour and should be appreciated. I wouldn't expect chatty (some kids are just are not like that) and they are tired after school. A Thanks and goodbye isn't too much to expect though. Put the radio/CD on and drive. However, that said, it is nice to use that time for a chat and catch up with your DC and that can be stifled by another kid in the car.

My DS school had a board at open eve for people to offer/ask for lifts and I did it for a few years with someone. At one point she was doing more for me and I used to get her the Beauty Advent Calendar and treats each term as she didn't want petrol money. Different circumstances now and we only need liftshare occasionally but it is useful.

It sounds best that you stopped it Elodie - it wasn't working out but it is a decent lesson for those heading off to secondary in Sept. Make sure both parties are happy with these lift arrangements.

starry0ne · 15/06/2016 22:38

I read this part of Expats post
She can get up earlier and take the fucking bus and pay for it. and secretly hoped you had sent that bit too..

Just think it next weekend you will have the car back to yourselves....Well done Op...

kawliga · 15/06/2016 22:42

I like the post that said you should continue driving her to school, for the sake of the environment. Fewer cars on the road. I might try to use that one to get my neighbours to ferry me everywhere for free. I'm sure they'll agree if I explain that it's for the environment.

Mycatsabastard · 15/06/2016 22:49

I can't believe that this woman never offered your DD a lift home ever in a whole year. That's outrageously rude!

I used to take a friend of DD's to school to help her mum who had three dc in three schools as they had moved to the area at the same time as me and had to take pot luck with schools. I did this for two years. Used to drive in the opposite direction to school and collect the girl and then take them both to school and do the return trip every night. I offered. It was never expected.

In return when I was in hospital and then out of action for 8 weeks after her mum did all the school runs for me and she also cut my hair for free for three years (I now insist on paying her but it's still mates rates).

I now take her oldest to an activity with my two every monday evening and they do the pick ups. It works for us because neither expect it. I wouldn't have the brass neck to expect someone to drive my kid to school and then not offer to do the reverse journey!

FWIW my oldest's school is just over 5 miles away and the bus ticket costs £60 a month.

DoreenLethal · 15/06/2016 22:52

You should make this from tomorrow OP. What a fucking cheek. To be fair, the first time she drove her daughter home and didnt give yours a lift you should have stopped the morning lift.

WankersHacksandThieves · 15/06/2016 22:53

my arrangement has mostly been fine. It's not reciprocal, I said i wasn't doing it for profit, they decided on an amount to give me for petrol and it's fine. I started off with DS1 and his friend and friends older sister. Then I added DS2 in the following year. Having 4 was a bit more problematic as they were arguing (my two) over sitting in the middle seat. it suited to have friend and his sister both on passenger side so they could jump out on way home. they walked over to me in morning. Anyway apart from a small period where I felt other kids were a bit rude, it was fine apart from middle seat issue. No-one really spoke in car. DSs friend wasn't really his friend as such anymore as they'd gone their own way. I have to change my work pattern to accommodate the school run.

Friends elder sister left so it's been down to just the 3 for the last couple of years. The issue now is that friends younger brother is due to start. ii don't want to go back to middle seat fighting and current 3 passengers have all gotten bigger over the last 2 years anyway so I don't think 3 in the back is practical now.

So, I've said i don't want to take them anymore but i feel guilty as it's not an easy run by public transport, involves a fair bit of walking as well so would be much earlier start and later home and technically i have space. Added complication is that another child in my street will also be starting so I would always be leaving one out regardless.

Still feel guilty though it's clearly not my problem. I'd just feel terrible driving past them with space in my car. I have to keep kicking myself telling myself that they all have two parents with cars and I am making personal sacrifices to take my own children that they aren't - and they are all better off than I am.

Anyway OP don't me like me and you owe them nothing - I really can't believe they don't bring your DD home - did she know that she was having to wait an hour on you? presumably because you cant finish early if you are already starting late to accomodate the school run.

Unicorntrainer · 15/06/2016 22:55

What a cheeky cow! Good for you, your dd must be delighted. I love a happy MN ending .

Summerwood1 · 15/06/2016 22:56

I'd give a weeks notice. You're being taken advantage of.

VioletBam · 15/06/2016 22:59

It's 5 minutes away! Why can't the child walk?! Just tell this rude woman that you won't be doing it from next week for goodness sake.

All this "give her till the end of term"

Why?

If the journey was an hour then that would be suitable but it's FIVE minutes away.

If the OP chooses to drive her own DD then that's her choice but she doesn't need to include a bad mannered girl in the arrangement. Stop it next week.

GabsAlot · 15/06/2016 22:59

sorry she picks up her child but wont take yours but u take hers in everyday?

what a pisstaker-an what does it will be dificult mean got an get the bloody bus

scarlets · 15/06/2016 22:59

The lack of reciprocity is even more galling than the girl's lack of courtesy. Some people!!!!

Aeroflotgirl · 15/06/2016 23:00

What a user, good on you. That's not your priblem that it will be difficult for her. Ungrateful pair, taking the piss.

AugustaFinkNottle · 15/06/2016 23:04

I would have probably done it til the end of term because it might not be possible to just pay for the weeks left this term.

Why on earth wouldn't it be? It seems to be an ordinary public bus service.

EweAreHere · 15/06/2016 23:08

No lifts home for all that time?

Well rid of the sulky rude girl and her mother's nerve.

Enjoy the peaceful rides, OP.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/06/2016 23:12

Why should op give it till the end of term, have 4 weeks of her dd being uncomfortable, and giving a rude sulky girl a lift, not op problem.

MintyChops · 15/06/2016 23:18

Well done OP, do let us know if there is any further communication from user friend.

Out of interest, why did she never give your DD a lift home?

LauderSyme · 15/06/2016 23:18

Wow, that mother is beyond rude.
I wish you had fired back "you're welcome" and definitely smiley face.
If ever there was an appropriate moment for passive aggression, surely that was it!
I think I'd be really pissed off to have been so blatantly used. And wondering how I had let it happen.
I'm imagining you and dd singing freedom on your journey tomorrow. George Michael on a loop

Elismum669 · 15/06/2016 23:23

The apple doesn't fall too far - rude girl rude mother
The fact she never offered to pick up ur dd in eve shows she is a user - good riddance!!!
That'll be good talk time for u n ur dd from now on

PurpleAlerts · 15/06/2016 23:35

Well done for getting rid of this waste of space and her rude DD.

Who are these rude people who think it's acceptable to take advantage without any thanks and offers of petrol money (or at the very least the occasional box of chocs or bottle of wine to say thanks) especially as you will have saved her an absolute packet in travel expenses.

I can't believe she has never offered anything in return.

You are well rid.

Enjoy your stress free school runs and have lovely chats with your DD!

Italiangreyhound · 16/06/2016 00:14

YANBU.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 16/06/2016 00:27

I love it when I have just one child in the car - you get some Interstingly conversations going. Which you can't with a friend.

charlestonchaplin · 16/06/2016 00:57

*VioletBam
It's 5 minutes away! Why can't the child walk?! Just tell this rude woman that you won't be doing it from next week for goodness sake.

All this "give her till the end of term"

Why?

If the journey was an hour then that would be suitable but it's FIVE minutes away.*

Huh? Are you talking about the school in the original post? It's five miles away.

byjimminey · 16/06/2016 01:52

Wow, I was thinking that maybe you could just go along with it but then I read that the daughter gets picked up in the afternoon and your daughter waits an hour for you! Why was it never arranged for both of you to be involved so it would be fair?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10