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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give this 'friend's' child a lift to school anymore

228 replies

elodie2000 · 15/06/2016 21:01

DD has been 'friends' with this girl since the start of primary school. I have know my 'friend' (her Mum) for the same number of years. We have met each other socially many times in the past.
They both started high school 5 miles away from home at the same time and are coming to the end of their first year. I have taken them both in the car all year and was happy to do so because I thought DD and friend's daughter were good friends. I also thought I was good friends with her Mum.
However…I have not seen (or really heard from) this girl's Mum all year. It's almost like I am now doing this 'job' for her and she doesn't really need to make an effort anymore. I get very short text messages to arrange pick up times etc. but that's it. The girl has also turned out to be not such a good friend to DD after all. She is very competitive, ignores DD when she tries to make conversation (replies with one word answers) and is rude to me (no hello, goodbye or thank you).
Today, this girl spent the journey looking out of the window and DD didn't bother with her as she's given up trying.
WIBU to just text Mum and say we're not able to give her a lift anymore even though I know she would struggle to get her DD there herself?
Give a reason? Not give a reason? WWYD?

OP posts:
PHeadPH · 15/06/2016 21:52

I'm glad you've sorted this out but if you ever find yourself in this type of situation again then I suggest you are a bit more proactive.

I would have asked about an evening lift for your DD. (Why wouldn't you?)
I would have spoken to the girl and told her that you would like her to say please and thank you.
I would have asked for petrol money if I had have wanted it.
I would have stopped it months ago if I hadn't wanted to carry on.

Original poster
elodie2000 · 15/06/2016 21:53

StealthPolarBear - 'And what happens if your dd is ill?' If my DD is ill, she'll stay at home and I'll take unpaid leave! If I'm ill, DD will get the bus. She never got a lift from friend anyway.

OP posts:
NarkyKnockers · 15/06/2016 21:53

Christ some people have no shame! Glad you are free of the sulky child and foul mother.

DixieNormas · 15/06/2016 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
elodie2000 · 15/06/2016 21:54

PHeadPH - Yes, I agree. It would have been nice if had been offered though.

OP posts:
NarkyKnockers · 15/06/2016 21:54

I think stealth meant how does the other child get to school if you're dd isn't in.

Lymmmummy · 15/06/2016 21:55

YANBU

Just send a text to say you have been happy to give her DD a lift this year - but sorry next year it won't be possible as your circumstances have changed - you wanted to give her sufficient notice so she can make other arrangements - hope all is well with her -

over and out no need to apologise or agonise over it - at a bloody minimum the mum should have periodically said thanks and offered a small gift like bottle of wine in thanks for the cost/hassle you are saving her - or offered to share fuel costs she is just a user and sounds like your daughter is now not getting anything positive from the arrangement

Send the text now!!!

Original poster
elodie2000 · 15/06/2016 21:58

NarkyKnockers - Oh! Other girl's Mum got up early and took her in herself before work if we weren't going. (I take DD before work too, just easier for me as I go that way).

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 15/06/2016 21:58

Excellent!

Lymmmummy · 15/06/2016 22:01

Problem resolved - well done you😀

Lesson to us all to not just blindly offer things and to have the confidence to stop offering if/when it's not working for us

Nobloodynamesleft · 15/06/2016 22:02

When is the last day of the arrangement?

ZenNudist · 15/06/2016 22:05

Well done. When are you stopping? I'd be loathe to out up with her for any longer if the mum is so rude.

ThomasRichard · 15/06/2016 22:06

Shock I can't believe they didn't bring your DD home!

StealthPolarBear · 15/06/2016 22:08

No no sorry I mean what does the other girl do? I'm guessing her mum drives her, cursing you al the way??

Gide · 15/06/2016 22:09

The mum took her if you couldn't?! So there's no reason to go with you all this time? Cheeky fucker!

Susiebearlove · 15/06/2016 22:13

As long as your girl is going to be ok that's all that matters. She'll be waiting for you to respond I bet and she'll be fuming that you haven't. Don't give her the bait. When have you decided to cease the taxi service?

KissMyArse · 15/06/2016 22:15

Congrats on offloading an ungrateful piece of extra weight from your car. I can't believe the ingratitude of some people!

I give my son's friend a lift to work every morning. He's 20 and says "Hello, how are you?" every time he gets in the car, chats to me as we drive there (quite a long way). Says "Thanks for the lift" every time he gets out. He's offered me petrol money but as it's only 5 minutes out of my way to pick him up I've always said no as I'm taking my son anyway and it's not a big deal. Every now and then he presents me with a bottle of Cava Grin I love him almost as much as my own son!

Coconutty · 15/06/2016 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChicRock · 15/06/2016 22:23

Well done.

I would not even dignify her text with a response. My guess is you and your DD will never hear from this pair of users ever again.

FeelingSmurfy · 15/06/2016 22:23

When do you stop? I wonder if tomorrow she will be stroppy or all lovely and talkative in the hope that it pulls at your heart strings

ChicRock · 15/06/2016 22:26

Do you normally go to their house and pick up the girl or does she come to yours or wait somewhere?

Don't be surprised if she's a no-show tomorrow or for the rest of the agreed time.

And if she doesn't appear for her lift then still don't text the mum, your silence will be infuriating for her Grin.

dolkapots · 15/06/2016 22:27

Short, sharp text "Change of circs, from x date will no longer be able to give a lift". Job done!

Has she ever acknowledged this in kindness? Token gift etc? I gave a "friend" a lift for two years (it was a 14 mile trip every day which saved her a very healthy amount in train fares) and when my car was out of order she charged me petrol money (equal to train fare) the four times she gave me a lift Hmm I saw her in a completely different light after that and asked for a contribution for petrol. She gave me 50p, yet charged me £3.50!

Lymmmummy · 15/06/2016 22:28

Oh no def do not respond to the text - she is trying to drag you in to continuing via making you feel guilty w

If she raises it again just be firm "sorry as I explained I am unable to continue - I do hope you find a workable solution"

Brief your DD about it - with an excuse or a response should other girl ask her - so she isn't put in any awkward situation

So glad it will be difficult for them -- they sound the type that deserve a bit of "difficult" 😀

snowy508601 · 15/06/2016 22:29

I would have probably done it til the end of term because it might not be possible to just pay for the weeks left this term.

sleepyMe12 · 15/06/2016 22:29

Well done OP Smile
I'd put money on you getting an 'it's an emergency can you help?' Text very soon if not tomorrow.