to tell close friend her hubby is cheating. it will break her heart. she's happy

[2beautifulkids]

I've name changed but posted some time ago about my friends husband.
She's a close friend and has recently had their dc2. He came round to my house one night and told me he was in love with me, tried to kiss me and was told to F off.

I didn't answer his calls or txts (there were lots) so he came to the house with his daughter (who tbh looked upset and like she had been forced into it ) saying that he didn't want to come round but she had been begging him to come and play with my dc. Funnily enough this was when his wife was out. After that he kept txting and calling me, banging on my door late at night wanting to "talk". There's nothing to talk about. I don't like him. I'd never in a million years do anything with him if he was single let alone married to my friend.

Today he started calling this morning and proceeded through the day (at no point did I answer). Then started txting asking what was up with me because I was usually friendly (well I am Infront of family and friends just not with him on his own).

I told him exactly why and that I didn't want contact with him. At no point have I threatened to tell his wife, I've thought about it but not done it. She's just had a baby and I don't want to hurt her or make things worse for her at home. But the worse he's getting I'm thinking I really need to. I just don't understand why I have to be the one to break her heart?? Why she deserves to have her heart broken?? She's done nothing wrong, I've done nothing wrong other than not telling her sooner but I can't see any other way anymore.

I kept messaging him today saying I didn't want to speak to him because of the things he had done and he just said that he was trying to put a smile on my face and it was nothing more than close friends talking. He sent me messages about wanting to have passionate sex with me and wanting to take me out after his divorce and when I explained to him that this isn't how people make each other smile he just kept saying he's done nothing wrong he just likes my company.

AIBU to want to tell friend now and what is the least damaging way to do this (to her). I feel like whatever I say or do it's going to come as a massive shock. She doesn't deserve this. There's a selfish bit of me wishing he had chosen someone else to try it on with aswel. Why put me in this position?

I'd tell him you'll ring the police if he contacts you again.
And then I might not tell my friend, but keep a distance for a while and be there should he do it again and it come out. I'd then try not to see her when he is there.
Terrible position to be in though. God knows what I'd really do if it were me. It would be so hard to tell your best fiend this.

Bronte that's what I'm thinking or wishing. I think it would ring massive alarm bells though as in she would want to know why I was only arranging to see her and ask questions. Due to the nature of his work he is always there in the daytime with us

Two under 3, one of them a tiny baby and back to work soon. No that's a tough time for anyone without this added stress of a dick of a husband. I agree with the advice to consider informing the police.

Others have given good advice, so all I will say is - husband, and tExting.

I would talk to her alone and explain and say how sorry you are, but hope she would do the same if it were you .... show her the evidence and then text him whilst she is there and say you've had a change of heart and see how he replies so she can witness it. Sad though because if it's not you, he'll just find someone else and you may lose friend by being the proverbial messenger - tricky situation and I don't envy you but he is very persistent [fiowers]

You are being far far too nice.

The only text you should send him now is this

"Do not contact me again by phone, text or any other means. Do not come to my house. If you do so I will call the police and report you for harrassment and threatening behaviour. Do not think I am too nice to do this. I will. Then you can explain everything to your wife. This is the last text you will get from me before I call the police."

WellErr don't be a dick

And do it OP

What happened to my flowers?

I agree with those posters who say you will probably loose the friendship. The odds are high that she will blame you, as he will concoct some story that turns the truth in his favour. She is also very vulnerable having just had a baby and she will want to believe him so much, she'll fall for his lies.DEspite you having text evidence, she still won't accept he was at fault and even if she does get her head around what he's done, she'll forgive him and he'll persuade her to end your friendship and youll be disposed of. But she'll think of you when he does this again. I hope I'm wrong, it really is an awful predicament to be in because you can't win either way.

Serial to do flowers you do [ thanks ] but without the spaces inside the brackets

Holy shit, OP, I'd be worrying less about the wife's feelings and more about sorting the retraining order. That's very unbalanced behaviour he's exhibiting. Agree with Bit - make that warning the last thing you ever send him before the police get involved.

Trouble is you have engaged with him. If you'd ignored every single text and never answered the door to him he would have given up by now.

I posted up thread about the last message o had sent him.
I just got this back.
See he's trying to charm his way out of it

Victim blaming.

OP tell her but do it when she hasn't to go straight back home to him.

Do you think that possibly he wants you to tell her ?

Wanky text

I would just reply 'oh do fuck off'

dow victim blaming much? The OP engaging in conversion does not give him permission to harass her. She has said no. She has told him to leave her alone. The OP is not to blame.

You had "i" instead of "l" in the word, Serial.

This guy is so disrespectful, OP. He seems to think that because you are single you will go with anyone and be grateful for his attentions. I would tell him I'd call the police if he ever contacted me again.

Tell her, but accept you may lose her friendship. It's sad but true. If he was trying it on with anyone else I'd say stay out of it, but I don't think you can with this one. It's awful, sorry

I didn't mean that she was to blame but it would have stopped it quicker. Of course she's not to balme. He's a wanker of the highest order. The trouble is it's prolonged it for longer that it need have.

You are being far far far too nice - I'd have called the police and reported him for harassment well before now! I'd inform the police as a minimum, his behaviour (knocking, pestering) is unacceptable!

That's a line under it now. Block him and forget the whole thing.