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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby watching porn

353 replies

SarahJane333 · 15/06/2016 07:25

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much but yesterday morning I took the children to school, normally this would take about 35 minutes but I decided to drop them and leave as I couldn't get parked so I arrived home 15 minutes early. Dh normally leaves for work either just before I leave for school or just after but he was still at home. He was so startled when I walked in, rushing to put his clothes on and overly chatty about how early I was. After a few minutes I told him I thought he was acting shifty and wanted to know what was going on. He said nothing, was all lovely and affectionate and left for work. He pops back in twice for different reasons, meaning he's now going to be very late for work - something which can't happen when I want a hand with the school run. I think he was hoping to get hold of the laptop to delete the search history, which I've checked and shows he was watching porn. Now is it just me or is that a really strange thing to do at that time of the morning?!

Aibu to be really hurt that I'm rushing around getting our 3 children to school plus looking after our ebf baby and he's sat at home, by himself, having a wank? Not to mention that I'm not very happy with my body at the moment but I'm still making an effort, we had sex two days ago. Plus the dishonesty, he knew I knew something was off, I asked him what was going on and he acted like I was being paranoid, which I'm not generally. Wwyd now?

OP posts:
HostaFireandIce · 15/06/2016 20:51

And don't forget, 'you're a hypocrite because you think porn is exploitative, but you possibly, though you haven't said so, shop in Primark'

rale124 · 15/06/2016 20:52

Vocation goat?

You do realise guns are legal her as well right?

And quite frankly banning guns in the U.S would incite a popular revolt.

venusinscorpio · 15/06/2016 20:52

Rale

If you are only coming across rapists within the criminal justice system then by all available estimates you are not dealing with the vast majority of rapists. You're dealing with a specific subset of them.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 15/06/2016 20:54

People who use porn ARE disgusting. They cannot be sure they are not watching filmed abuse and rape...yet they do it anyway. How is that not just wicked and hateful?

And then they actually try to defend that! Confused I will never understand how people think porn is ok. I am thankful I won't.

HostaFireandIce · 15/06/2016 20:54

You do realise guns are legal her as well right?
Not many types of gun though...!

rale124 · 15/06/2016 20:56

No one is dealing with the vast majority of rapists. The vast majority are hidden in shadows, unconvicted and unknown. The same for all types of criminals.

If you think primark is the only company that exploits it's producers then your very naive.

venusinscorpio · 15/06/2016 20:58

You're out of your depth, aren't you? I can see why you've gone back to the whataboutery.

chilipepper20 · 15/06/2016 20:58

People who use ipads are disgusting. They cannot be sure that they haven't been made by exploitative labour. Labour so bad that some factories have had to have nets put outside to catch people jumping to their death.

and they try to defend that!

venusinscorpio · 15/06/2016 20:59

The point is that you don't have a special understanding of what motivates rapists, as you are only dealing with the few that are convicted of rape.

itsmine · 15/06/2016 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rale124 · 15/06/2016 21:01

Hosta yep quite a lot .22 semi automatic rifles, bolt action rifles any calibre, straight pull rifles any calibre, semi automatic shotguns, pump action shotguns, double barrel shotguns, long barrelled handguns etc. Yes I enjoy target shooting and have shot some very 'scary' looking guns it's not all farmers and their mums.

Sallystyle · 15/06/2016 21:01

Adult erotic/porn isnt all abuse and coercion. No, I've no idea how to tell the difference but all this 'i do not wank to women being abused!!' is all a bit silly.

Right, it's not easy to tell. Most people who watch porn probably aren't doing their research before hand. Well, I've never heard anyone doing that.

The fact is, if you watch porn you most likely have wanked off over a woman who has been abused. You can keep telling yourself not ALL women are abused but like Bert asked, why take the risk?

Why not just admit that you (general porn watchers you) probably have got your rocks off over women that have been abused.

At least be honest and admit you just don't care.

venusinscorpio · 15/06/2016 21:01

Yes. You can all justify wanking over women who might have been coerced into sex acts they aren't comfortable with because of the existence of Primark and Apple. Happy?

venusinscorpio · 15/06/2016 21:02

Crosspost with U2.

rale124 · 15/06/2016 21:03

Venus? I have an insight that others don't have the opportunity to experience.

Am I not allowed to share my own personal opinions on the motivations of rapists now?

Sallystyle · 15/06/2016 21:04

If you don't want to believe it's really quite easy to find well produced, above board non abusive porn then don't.

Well considering how popular porn is, how Porn Hub is one of the most visited websites, it's not a leap to say that most porn viewers aren't going out of their way to only watch ethical porn is it?

If they are? Good for them, I'm glad.

venusinscorpio · 15/06/2016 21:05

You didn't share it as an opinion. You tried to claim it as authority. And in my opinion, it's incorrect to glibly state that all rapists are narcissistic sociopaths.

Sallystyle · 15/06/2016 21:05

Well primark exploits people so why can't I?!!!

VoyageOfDad · 15/06/2016 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HostaFireandIce · 15/06/2016 21:07

Rale yes, I know, I'm a target shooter too. I don't know of any legal long-barrelled handguns though, unless they're black powder, but I'm willing to be informed (not being sarcastic!). I was always a bit surprised that lever-action semi-auto rifles survived the ban. (Aware that this has nothing really to do with the thread)

rale124 · 15/06/2016 21:08

I used my professional experience to support my opinions, I never claimed authority on the subject. I find it slightly strange you think well adjusted people are capable of committing horrific acts of violence.

rale124 · 15/06/2016 21:09

Hosta

.22 semi automatic LBPs are getting quite common at my club now. Usually Glock and 1911 copies.

venusinscorpio · 15/06/2016 21:10

There's a bit of a gap between "well adjusted" and "narcissistic sociopath", isn't there? I think you're really quite ignorant.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 15/06/2016 21:11

Chili that argument has been done to death. I really don't think there are many people taking great pleasure and reaching orgasm in watching people in sweatshops making iPads.

Interestingly the pro-porn people just cannot OWN the fact they get kicks from watching probably very abused women!! Just OWN IT!

HostaFireandIce · 15/06/2016 21:12

Thanks, Rale, that is interesting! I wasn't aware of that. Haven't done any shooting for a few years now, alas. Everyone else: as you were.