Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

This is more about why you don't want to put yourself out a little bit - 2 hours work max - for someone who's good enough to baby sit but not welcome to a bed for the night.

I remember feeling stressed when my DCs were very young - 7 weeks is still very young and older DC is probably feeling a bit stressed due to changes.

I think some of the comments on here haven't taken this on board. What if OP is feeling stressed?

I'd love to be a MIL in future, if DCs had DCs, but wouldn't want to put my DCs under extra pressure. What's so wrong with a hotel for a few nights?

Can't you ask MIL if she'd be ok sleeping on the sofa, then she has the choice between that or a hotel?

Wow! I'm due in 4 weeks and feel rotten for not allowing my PIL to stay for the birth (just feel we need a bit of time to establish a routine) however they are coming down the following week. God knows where they will stay as we only moved in a couple of months ago so house is up the wall.
But! They are family we will make do.
My MIL can be really hard work but I wouldn't dream of asking them to stay in a hotel. Especially for 2 days!
Op I think you need to work on your relationship with your MIL. She just wants to spend time with her grandkids.

""So MIL's needs trump those of my kids and her wishes trump mine?""
""asks to babysit. In fact, she's always disappointed if DH and I don't have a plan to go out both nights she visits each time. I find that presumptive and entitled""

Her fitting in the (empty of baby) Nursery, isn't trumping their needs, especially if you consider that children need involved grandparents.

You don't want to accommodate her. You don't consider her wanting to bond with your children, necessary. Because she sounds as though she'll take any scrap that you throw her.

Like others, I only hear of Grandmothers being ordered into Hotels, on MN, everyone, I know, puts family up, unless they are extremely difficult.

What does your DH think about it all OP?

She asks to babysit. In fact, she's always disappointed if DH and I don't have a plan to go out both nights she visits each time. I find that presumptive and entitled tbh.

Hahahahahaha

The more you write the more mean and unreasonable you sound.
I feel sorry for your MIL.

For the record, the previous visit when both FIL and MIL stayed in a hotel is very different to asking her to spend time on her own in a hotel room when you have the space to put her up.

At least when she had her husband with her she had company, someone to talk to and have breakfast with in the morning.

I think you like the idea of being able to send her back to the hotel when you've had enough of her company to be honest.

I have two sons. I hope and pray neither of them end up with someone like you who would see me as an inconvenience.

Ribena We have occasionally asked family to stay elsewhere if we're going through a stressful time (newborns, exams etc). So I do get where you're coming from.

If she was coming for a week I'd say YANBU but for two nights I do think that you should consider sucking it up. Then breathe a sigh of relief when you get the house to yourself again. In the long term, this sort of compromise will only benefit your kids and help them have a good relationship with there GM. It might not be the best option for you at this point, but it's the responsible option in my opinion.

OP, you're desperate for this not to work so I have no idea why you posted on AIBU. I'll list potential solutions though, in case you decide to be reasonable:

• Your son could sleep in the spare room and your MIL in his room. I can't think squeezing a few sofa cushions in there will cause you a major problem.
• Your DH could sleep downstairs and the toddler in your bed with you and the baby. If he's up early with the kids anyway it won't make much difference.
• If having someone in your spare room for a few nights is such an issue for changing and clothing the baby, just grab a few days worth of clothes and nappies out of there and change her in the bathroom or your bedroom. No need to even enter the spare room and get het up about your MIL being in there.

No solution will work for you, OP, because you don't want it to. at least have the decency to acknowledge that you just don't want her to stay, rather than pretending it's a space issue.

*their GM

I would offer your MIL your older child's room. Either his bed or if sofa bed/blow up bed will fit. I'd put oldest child in the nursery on one of those child's blow up beds or he can stay in his own room with his grandmother. Give her a choice. What are you going to do for future over night stays? When I was a child my grandmother lived a similar distance away so when she stayed (similar house layout to yours) she slept in my single bed with me until i was around 6. I understand where you're coming from tho. Our house layout sounds the same as yours. If I hadn't just had a baby/had a newborn I would offer to sleep on blow up bed downstairs and give the in laws our room.

Still not hearing what the MIL's son thinks of this . Guess that speaks volumes !!

I don't think the OP realizes just how much she may be burning her bridges. She may feel MIL offering to babysit so they can have couple time is presumptive now but when the time comes when she needs MIL to do so -MIL may not be quite so eager to drop everything and oblige if DIL keeps up with this level of discourtesy.

This all boils down to the fact that you don't need her to babysit this time, so therefore you won't let her stay.
You're being selfish and mean.

I would put in a blowup bed (or borrow a mattress from your parents since they live near you) for the nursery. Yabu to expect your mil to pay for accommodation every time she visits with the exception of the prevido that she babysits. It's lovely that she tries to come visit her ds, you and dgc fairly often when she lives so far away.

Why can't your older DS go back into his old room, the nursery, whilst his GM stays? You said he has only recently moved into the spare room - if so, why can't he move back for 2 nights.

I cannot believe you have a spare room but want to ship your MIL off to a hotel. Totally unreasonable, mean and unwelcoming.

Yet it was OK for her to stay when you were in having your LO. Plus babyshitting for 2 nights regularly.

Never mind just send her packing to the hotel when she's done her duties.

Unbelievable.

I actually really hope this is a reverse, I hope even more that you are a troll goody fucker because I just can't imagine anyone being this ill-mannered, crass and entitled.

Also please answer e questions about if you would your own mother to way. I'd hazard a guess not. Your poor husband.

Detestable seems to have the best solution - can she stay with your parents? If she can then that's your long term solution too - assuming your parents don't mind. But she seems quite reasonable so I don't think she'd be an awful house guest, and realistically she'd only really be at your parents house while sleeping and showering as she's come to see the grandkids.

If that won't work then you will need to come up with an alternative long term solution. I think if you know what that will be and can then present that to your MIL it would make it a bit easier for her to stay in a hotel this time - e.g. "The nursery's a bit of a mess right now and we don't have time to get it sorted for your stay but in the future we'll have it set up so you can stay in there on the sofa bed. If you could stay in a hotel this time though that'd be much appreciated and why don't we share the cost? (As you said she wouldn't agree to you paying in full)".

Best typo ever, Rousette

Oooops! just noticed that!

I do feel some measure of comfort that the overwhelming response to this is in favour of the MIL - I have 2 sons and the idea that one day in the future I will be shut out of not only my sons' lives but also the lives of my grandchildren makes me feel unutterably sad. Especially as in this particular it appears that MIL is committing no terrible crime other than wanting to see her family.

You are not being unreasonable. You have a seven-week old baby. Even if you didn't, you shouldn't have to accommodate anyone if you don't want to. Be fair with your relatives though, and insist it is always a hotel, for all of them.

Hoping the OP will never become a mil