Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

You have a spare room. You have a husband. Unless he's physically incapable, he can clear it.

You have boys and may find yourself the subject of a MIL thread like this one day. She clearly loves your children and wants to see them. What's wrong with tthat? They're lucky to have another loving person in their life.

so it's not cos you're baby's only 7 weeks and you're exhausted/tired/emotional - it's cos you can't be arsed to move a few clothes out of the spare room?

Seriously if you're sleep deprived/knackered/emotional etc it's fine to not want people overnight. But this isn't your reason.

I'm so glad you're not married to my son and I hope my son never ends up with someone so selfish they only want their MIL over so they can babysit. Over and out, I'm not coming back to this thread.

Honestly this should really be between your dh and his mum. Why isnt he sorting out a space for her in the house or telling her she needs to book a hotel?

Lyin 7 week old is breastfed. Are you really suggesting DH takes her away from me overnight just so that MIL can see her? As for my 4 yr old sleeping on the sofa, err, no! He still wakes at night and has occasional nightmares. But I should put him downstairs to sleep alone according to you, just to accommodate MIL?

So MIL's needs trump those of my kids and her wishes trump mine?

She asks to babysit. In fact, she's always disappointed if DH and I don't have a plan to go out both nights she visits each time. I find that presumptive and entitled tbh.

You seriously had the brass neck to tell her to pay for her own hotel too ?

Only on MN !!!!

If the baby is now in their own room then shove the laundry into bin bags (or better still actually put it away) so she can use the sofa bed ..... or if you are genuinely incapable of doing this as you aren't coping yet (appreciating that not everyone copes well in the early weeks) then get your DH to explain that this is only because you aren't yet back up to speed and it'll be different for future visits and pay for her hotel this time.

I think your mil should go on the sofa. But for some reason that isn't acceptable to you.

Trafalgar did you read my OP? Baby sleeps in our room for now, as per safe sleeping guidance. Their clothes, changing table etc are in the box room nursery.
Brass neck to ask MIL to stay in a hotel when we have a very young baby? We offered to pay. She refused to let us.

Their clothes, changing table etc are in the box room nursery.
Have you read answers?

Its 2 days, use your common sense
take out some clothes and store them else for 2 days
use your bed as a changing table or just use the mat on the floor.

Unless she's one of those nightmare mils that make life hell, Yabu.

It's only a couple of nights. Let her sleep in the baby room. Pull the clothes you need and the changing stuff out of there beforehand. Then let mil look after the baby for a few good chunks of time and go sleep/have a bath etc.

Just bring a few clothes and the changing mat in your room for a couple of days

Do you actually want her to visit? You sound very negative towards her.

"I'd like to be able to get in the room to get baby's clothes and change her, without falling over a sofa bed or having to fold it out of the way."

You really are just making excuses. Like others have said, you could keep a few days' worth of clothes and changing equipment for your DD in your bedroom, and change her on a mat on your bed while your MIL stays. That really wouldn't be very difficult.

God, your poor mil.

OP... all of this is nonsense. If you wanted to find a solution to accommodate your MIL, you just would. You don't so you won't.

Here's a newsflash for you... your wishes do NOT trump those of your partner. Best interests of the children is to have a loving relationship with their grandmother, not having that spoilt by a self-absorbed parent.

You've not answered questions about what your partner thinks, OP. Why is that? It's his mother after all... any views?

So there's no-one is the spare room but you just can't be arsed tidying up and moving 2 days worth of baby clothes into your room for the baby- and you honestly believe you are being reasonable .....Silly me I thought you didn't want to move the kids not that you didn't want to tidy up - apologies for giving you the benefit of the doubt that you had a good reason when you clearly didn't.

If you were visiting your Mum and she wanted you to stay in a hotel when she had a spare room standing empty - how would YOU feel ?

So you did offer to pay OP?

The only real argument you've put forward for not wanting her to stay in the spare room is that you can't be arsed with either sorting a few baby clothes ahead of her stay or getting MIL/DH/yourself to fold the bed away on the two mornings she's there.

You are not being very nice. I can only imagine there is some other reason for your meanness than wanting to avoid the effort of folding away a sofa bed

In fact you should be bloody grateful that you have a MIL who's so interested in seeing her grandchildren, because mine never gave a shit about hers unless they were SIL's children rather than ours.

We offered to pay. She refused to let us.

Bring on the drip feed!

That's not what you said earlier:

" She offered to look at hotels and only got huffy when I said 'ok, thanks' and when she checked the prices.

Why would she get huffy about the prices if you'd offered to pay?

Here comes the drip feed.

Why wouldn't you just out a blow up bed in the nursery room? Just why????

She asks to babysit. In fact, she's always disappointed if DH and I don't have a plan to go out both nights she visits each time. I find that presumptive and entitled tbh.

The brass neck of her! Offering to look after your DC whilst you and your DH get a night out! How dare she!

For gods sake OP you are being more than unreasonable expecting your MIL to go in a hotel. You have LO's who can be shuffled about. Just do it and stop being so mean.

Your poor MIL.

OP, if she has spare rooms, could you visit her?

Could she stay with your parents if they are nearby? Once baby moves into nursery this might be a good option/

I think you should give her the nursery sofa bed this time, though.

I really really hope that my sons don't choose to have children with a woman like you. You are a self entitled nightmare and a user at that.

God I hope I don't get a dil like this when my DS marries. YABVVVU and rude and unwelcoming.