Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

Sleeping wise, nothing has changed because the 7 wk old is in with his parents at night. To suddenly say that her MIL who lives 4 hours away who is coming to help out and babysit, should bugger off to a hotel on her own for 2 nights is ridiculous.

I echo was 99% of the other posters have said.

You sound incredibly rude, selfish and entitled. I get the impression you think very highly of yourself and MIL is someone you have very little time for. She is your DH's mother FGS.

There's something about your manner on here that makes me feel that you're generally not a very kind person.

Yabu
Your Mil is family. I hope if/when my dd settles my Son/daughter in law will be welcoming.

It was OK for MIL to spend 8 hours travelling to and from your house when you needed her when the baby was born, but any other offer of babysitting on her part is entitled? And I guess when you go out with your partner for a child-free evening you're absolutely hating every minute?

Come off it. And you're being extremely selective in your responses on here, OP.

"So MIL's needs trump those of my kids and her wishes trump mine?

She asks to babysit. In fact, she's always disappointed if DH and I don't have a plan to go out both nights she visits each time. I find that presumptive and entitled tbh."

Riiiiiiiiight. I'm sorry but this thread doesn't convince me.

she visits every 6 weeks which she instigates as she likes to see her grandchildren
Well how very fucking dare she?! A Grandma who wants to see her grandchildren, how unreasonable.
OP you say on the one hand that you expect her to babysit, then later that she insists, well which is it? I think you're just here to stir it up. If you are genuine you sound truly horrible.

On another day this thread could easily have gone the other way with everyone agreeing with the OP. Many similar threads in the past have.

2 nights? Your husbands mum? Get over yourself.

"You have LO's who can be shuffled about."

They won't even be moved about. The OP's DS stays in his room and the DD is still sleeping in with her parents at this age. All the OP needs to do is let her MIL stay in the room which her DD will eventually move into, for two nights.

So does your DH have an opinion or not?

I think threads that have gone the other way tend to involve a very different type of grandparent/MiL - the sort who expect to be there at the birth or to descend and stay for a month as soon as the mother gets back from hospital, or who object to breastfeeding because it gives them less of a chance of holding the baby etc etc. This one went rather differently because the first post showed that OP was in fact depending on MiL for rather a lot of babysitting and was objecting to her staying for only two nights.

What I don't get is the AIBU thread when people ask and then take the strop when the response is YABU.

Don't bloody ask then.

My MIL just shares with one of the children when she comes. She does come to see them after all Seriously though, she doesn't mind and it makes things easier as we have no spare bedroom. I wouldn't dream of asking her to stay in a hotel... that said if she wanted to I wouldn't be insulted 😃

Jesus. I hope when your sons get married they don't choose someone as selfish, entitled and bratty as you.

I can almost imagine you whining 'but I don't WANT her to stay' as you stamp your feet.

You are being very unreasonable, but you know that. You just don't give a shit.

In fact, OP, if I were in your situation, knowing that your DD will in time move into this bedroom, I would be looking at putting that sofa bed into the living room so that either MIL could sleep there when she visits, or DH and I would, and give up our bedroom for her. Either that or we would temporarily move DD into DS's room on a blow up bed for as long as is age appropriate (we actually only have DDs, which is very convenient).

Your MIL is making a great effort to be involved in her grandchildren's lives. I'll say it again; you should be grateful and you should make an effort to accomodate her. Graciously.

How about this? Clear out the nursery, move sofabed into your ds's room (assuming it will be usable as a sofabed in his room?) Get a readybed (these were a godsend when my dds were little, and my dsis has one for her dds). DS could then sleep in nursery on readybed and any visitors can sleep in DS's room on sofabed.

If your DMIL is going to continue visiting regularly, might it worthwhile thinking about getting DS a double bed (dd3 currently has a double bed - she loves it!) He could then bunk down with the ready bed in the nursery when visitors come. We currently have a trundle bed underneath dd1's bed, so when we have visitors, dd3 moves into dd1's bedroom so the visitors can have dd3's double bed.

Rowan I've not stropped as a result of the responses. I have responded to some of the points made though, which is surely fair enough and expected.

Someone suggested moving the sofa bed into the lounge. We don't have space for it there and it doesn't match the decor. But I'm sure I'll still be told by some to move it anyway?

I hadn't mentioned the tiredness and general upheaval of having a newborn as I had assumed it was implied and would be understood here.

It is a one-off, as someone upthread commented. MIL will stay with us somehow in future, as she has done 6 weekly at least for the past 3 years. We have offered to pay for her hotel room and she won't have it. She insists on babysitting - I don't expect it. If I didn't let her babysit then I'm sure that would be wrong too according to some people.
It's obvious that some have read just the thread title and launched into one here.

"It doesn't match the decor"

mrssmooth thanks for the constructive suggestions. Unfortunately there's no space in DS's room to put the sofa bed as well. There's no room to put a double bed in there instead of a single either. And the box room really is a box room.

We have to find a soliton though. It'll probably involve moving house!

You asked are AIBU, the majority of responses have stated YABU. I agree with the majority. And to then say that the sofa bed won't go with the decor . What are you going to do op let MIL stay or not?..that's what it comes down to at the end of the day

"The box room is really a box room": which allows space for the sofa bed opened up.

Right. As I said before, this thread doesn't convince me.

Lemony what's wrong with saying I don't want a bright blue sofa bed swished into my living space? I'm no interior design freak but that's a no-no sorry. I assume you've never read any of the OTT which-farrow-and-ball-paint-shall-I-use house decor threads on here?!

You could put a throw over the sofa bed if you moved it?

You can get single bed-trundle bed combinations where the trundle bed has legs and can come to normal height; this might not fit in your DS room though.

I think she's being a bit unreasonable not letting you pay for the hotel. It's also worth thinking about whether 6 weekly visits are going to work - again, if she has spare rooms, could you go to her more often?

FOR TWO DAYS. You cannot be for real.

still does a room that measures 7ft 6in x 7ft 6in not count as a box room in your view?