Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

And is it really that much of an inconvenience to fold the bed out of the way

Change her somewhere else and get a couple of days clothes out in your room, its not rocket science.

This^^

It's for TWO DAYS Jesus, babies can be changed anywhere and their clothes are small. Honestly, can you not see how awkward you're being?

I think you are being really mean and unaccommodating. She sounds like a very caring who is keen to see her grandchildren and who has helped you with babysitting on lots of previous occasions.

Surely you can out yourself out a little for her? I would for my relatives and they are no where near as keen or helpful as what you have described.

Yes YABU.

How would you like it OP if you had to go and stay with your family in ILs house and for some inexplicable reason (not lack of space) you couldn't stay (maybe if it was Christmas and other relatives staying etc could happen) and MIL said "oh it's ok Ribena can F off off to a hotel then?!" You'd be happy would you?! Say if you'd also offered to help all day with Christmas dinner or something....

I'm just waiting because normally on these threads there's a backstory or drip feed - just waiting to hear a MIL from hell post from OP...

Come on OP don't keep us waiting!

I'm not either, MrsD, designed to jangle, isn't it?

was trying to say in my previous post was 'my mum and dad live miles away"

Personally I would ask her to stay in a hotel but pay for her accommodation and be very firm if she offers to reimburse you - ie you would love her to visit but your house isn't big enough so instead you are paying for the hotel. If you can't afford it then put her up.

YABVU.

You were happy to have her stay there when she's being helpful, not when doesn't suit you.

Clear out box room and put a blow up bed in if nothing else.

Just give her your bed for a couple of nights.

YANBU

Fine to all muck in and sleep on blow up beds etc with older children but not a 7 week old! You are being very reasonable and when your MIL arrives and sees the lack of space and how tired you are she will think so too.

My MIL always stays in a B&B because we don't have room. Works fine, everyone happy. We have one within walking distance which is handy.

I meant to add, we have a 3-bed house and have guests regularly. DS has an en-suite room so he comes in with us (travel cot) and guests have his room. I take DS' clothes out so guests have the wardrobe. Our 3rd bedroom is an office but we put a single air bed in there if they need 2 rooms.

When my mum visits she doesn't babysit, she's here to be part of the family not provide a service.

*with a 7 week old... that should read, I am not suggesting blow up beds for 7 week olds!

Fine to all muck in and sleep on blow up beds etc with older children but not a 7 week old!

I don't think the 7 week old is being asked to sleep on a blow-up bed

I boggle at this type of snowflaking on first baby threads, this OP doesn't even have that excuse!

My situation is pretty much the same as yours. I'm happy to kick my 3 year old out of his room occasionally when MIL comes to stay, but one night every few months is my limit really rather than 2 nights every month. But I'm not really up for any overnight visitors until the baby is a few months old and in a routine. My house is a mess, my baby is constantly on the boob, and we are sleep deprived and grumpy. So I do sympathise! However, in this situation I think I would just suck it up and let her stay in the box room, but maybe just say one night only.

Would you be willing to pay for the hotel op?

:) Yes, no blow up beds for babies!

The way I have read the OP (please correct me if I have the wrong end of the stick) is that MIL will be staying in the future, just not this time with a tiny baby seven weeks after giving birth etc. Seems very reasonable to me, I remember the crippling tiredness all too well.

Offering to pay would be a nice gesture OP, also reassurance that this is not the norm might help. Maybe MIL sees a pattern forming rather than minding this time.

This sounds like a reverse or something.

If it's genuine then YABU and deliberately mean spirited.

Joinourclub why can't you have guests because your baby is 'on the boob' why does breastfeeding suddenly turn you into that sort of person?
Why does having a BF baby suddenly become such a special and exclusive thing that other people have to accommodate? It doesn't make sense.
You have guests, you feed your baby...and?
Some people are very odd.

I'd like to be able to get in the room to get baby's clothes and change her, without falling over a sofa bed or having to fold it out of the way.

Oh, come on, for two nights that's hardly an insuperable problem, is it? You just make sure you've got enough for the the baby in your room.

What screams out from your posts is that you're happy to have MIL in the house when you can get babysitting out of it, but not otherwise. If she's OK to be cramped in the box room, I don't see why your DP can't do the sorting out in there. Suck it up.

What you want to do OP is very unwelcoming. Would you treat your own mother this way?