Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

Oswin the cunt name I get but OP didn't say anything about her MIL being a pain in the arse/unhelpful/difficult - it was clear from her posts she couldn't be arsed to get rid of the washing in the spare room and pull down a sofa bed - for her DH's mother. I think that's a bit unreasonable. She asked if she was being unreasonable ffs! She didn't say she was exhausted/ill - I think most people assume having a 7 week old means you are exhausted, but unless MIL is a nightmare she'd probably be more of a help than a hindrance.

I've been on MN quite a lot the last few days because DS is sick and we've been housebound a lot. I can't wait for him to get better because then I won't be tempted to sit on my arse reading shite like this.

I must get a life away from posts like this!

Am I the only one who is confused by how many children op has?! She mentions she has a 3/5 year old and a 4 year old... I'm assuming it must be a typo? but can't understand how you'd accidentally write 3/5? I thought she had 2 older children and a baby!

In general think that it would be very unaccommodating of you to not let the MIL stay for a couple of nights as it sounds as if you could fit her into what will be the nursery. If this is just a one of because you are not up to it at the moment then I suppose you will just have to explain it to her and hopefully she will understand.

My parents stayed in a hotel when my DC arrived. But then I was pandering to my now ex abusive partner in that... Regret it!

I'm not sure why you posted OP? You asked if you are being U, a vast majority of people said 'Yes you are', yet you seem to have taken umbrage to be told you are.

I totally understand taking umbrage at the name calling however, that's totally out of order.

Yanbu!
Only on mumsnet have I seen people's parents staying at their house when they visit!
I adore my mother in law but neither she not my mother would want to slum it on a fold out or a blow up bed, and they certainly wouldn't expect us to move out of our marital bed for them to use it (and we'd all find that weird and creepy anyway) I swear mumsnet is the weirdest place.

Yeah! So weird to be hospitable to your own family! Who do they think they are??

Really mother?? Because I swear it's only on MN I've ever seen it suggest family should stay in a hotel when visiting.

I haven't read the full thread. I expected from the title that it was going to be awful inlaws, visiting from afar for 6 weeks.

But based on your OP, yeah you are being pretty unreasonable. She sounds like a nice MIL. You have an essentially empty/unoccupied room, ok there's stuff in it but you could shuffle it and put down a mattress or something. They are family. It's TWO nights FFS.

Mn is sooooo annoying. People jump on bandwagon without really reading and love to slate the op!!!!
Its your house, your family, your choice. We don't know the ins and outs of everything. I don't think yabu I still think 7 weeks is little, you're exhausted and you offered to pay for the hotel so I think it's ok . My mum would not dream of imposing on us or sisters if we didn't have the room (in fact she loves a B and B as it means a decent sleep!).

I think you have had a hard time on here OP. Ok you could suck it up for 2 nights but you have a newborn, are probably knackered and these visits are pretty frequent so why should you. I felt like shit for the first few months and would not have wanted house guests.

Clearly many posters missed the bit where you have accommodated her for the last 3 years and this is temporary and you will be back to putting her up again in the future. But then that information would have got in the way of you getting a good kicking.

Also, it's quite clear the decor comment meant the OP misunderstood and thought people meant permanently move the sofa bed (that doesn't fit in the open plan living room by the way, again, more missed information).

Posters gave lots of different advice and masses of options/suggestions. Up to OP what she takes on board but honestly, why post in the first place?

Typical of latecomers to do nothing but finger-wag

I'm not a latecomer. I posted earlier that the OP was not BU to not want a guest so soon after giving birth. I stand by that.

So, a general question: Should women who have given birth within the last 8 weeks have to have guests to stay in their home?

"Only on mumsnet have I seen people's parents staying at their house when they visit!"

Really? So everyone you know has parents who live locally or never visit, or who can afford to stay in a hotel?

I know loads of people who don't live near their families and they have done what we did and bought a house so that there is a spare bedroom for visitors. As we don't live in London or pay London prices it was perfectly doable.

It's silly to come on here, purely to tell us off and swear at us, Oswin and others. Most have disagreed with the OP. I don't think that makes us "vile". Don't ask for an opinion if you don't want it. I absolutely agree that calling anyone names is outrageously rude but disagreeing and offering suggestions? Some people seem not to understand AIBU.

Dogolphin depends what you class as guests. For me family and close friends are not guests. I don't run around tidying up or making meals anxiously waiting for approval. If i'm busy with a newborn and the want smth they can get it, hell bring me some too.

I have always been accommodating of her visits thus far.

You haven't.

If you don't want her to stay at least have the balls to admit that.

Our house is tiny and with 7 of us crammed it space is tight, but we still always put up family and friends when they visit because a) it's the decent thing to do and b) it's great fun.

Sure, it might mean some of the kids have to sleep head to toe for a night or two, but they don't mind, it's only temporary and they get to spend time with people they love.

And your baby will be almost 2 months old, hardly a newborn and you mentioned you have an older child, so this isn't your first rodeo. You know the drill by now and you are just making excuses about why you don't want your hudbands mother to stay with you - and they basically boil down to you not wanting to be inconvenienced.

I would NEVER let my other half's mother book into a hotel - I would be mortified if she even tried. As for my mother - well, she wouldn't even entertain the notions and would give me a slap across the legs if I dared suggest it.

Sorry but if your saying she comes sometimes to babysit etc yabu because she is trying to help and seems to want to be a part of their lives my mum has never met my 5 and 3 yr old because she can't be bothered and the ten and eight ur old met her once believe me id rather be in your position

You definitely sound like you have already made your mind up and are going to ignore anything to the contrary, sadly. You've not actually said why you don't want her there.

Sounds a bit one way traffic here.
Comes across like you use her when it suits you but don't want her 'inconveniencing' you by staying overnight?

No good reason offered for her not sleeping on the sofabed in the nursery.

She sounds like a great MiL... I would not take the piss if I were you.

Sure you can accommodate her if you want to. Don't push her away, most sofa beds are fine, it's only two nights and baby is almost 2 months old.

YABU.

Shes a member of your family. Not just your DHs mum.

I hate threads like this.