Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

If you are real why is it any 'hassle' to you? It's dh's mother and I'm sure he's capable of moving laundry, making up a bed, getting baby some clothes etc.

Sorry, that should be dear OP in my previous.

Some of the responses on this thread are reminding me of this Monty Python sketch..

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

I do not blame you at all for wanting your MIL to stay at a hotel and visit you on your terms. It's a upheaval if guests want to stay and you have your routine. MIL should fit in around you - not the other way around. .......and a visit every six weeks - you are saint for putting up with it

Just as long as the OP doesn't expect any babysitting privileges down the line because I doubt she'll be getting them. If she thinks the MIL hasn't picked up on her attitude then she's an idiot. And I repeat, where's the partner/husband in all this - the MIL's son?

Some of the responses on this thread are reminding me of this Monty Python sketch..

Oh dear, I'm dead upset.

Box Room........

thats all ill say peeps

I think your being mean, would you let your parents stay? this lady sounds helpful and doe things for you, you should be grateful, not making excuses to make her stay at a hotel, that is ridicolous.

The OP doesn't need her MIL to babysit as her own parents live close by I believe.

ZsaZsa - you were lucky!

You sound like a bundle of laughs Toads

I wanted DD to have a relationship with our families. We live hundreds of miles away from both families and we bought our house so that we had room for people to come and stay with us.

I think grandparents who want to be part of their grandchildren's lives have a right to do so, especially when they want to help/babysit etc.

Before MIL developed alzheimers she played a large part in DD's life in spite of living two and a half hours away, and I welcomed it.

I think the main issue is the message the OP is giving her MIL - that she just doesn't want her around.

You are getting a lot of grief here OP. I live in a four bed house with one bed in it. This stops any members of my family staying over. Local hotels are available. I do not blame you at all for wanting your MIL to stay at a hotel and visit you on your terms. It's a upheaval if guests want to stay and you have your routine. MIL should fit in around you - not the other way around. .......and a visit every six weeks - you are saint for putting up with it. Three times a year was enough for me

That's fine but that's the OP's social life and lovely meals out with her DH shot to pieces. Let's make it all about one person's terms then. That's the way to make the world go round - selfishness.

Thanks

Absolutely, andinto. My great great great great grandmother lived with her parents, grandparents, eleven brothers, nine sisters, and their pet goat in a two by two by three foot wooden bunker AND THEY WERE BLOODY THANKFUL FOR IT.

I actually feel sorry for OP because she uses people and if she continues to do so will find herself very lonely. Nobody likes a selfish person.

Fucks sake people need to wind there bloody necks in!

Calling the op a cunt?! No fucking need.

She had a baby seven weeks ago. Some people don't bounce right back as it seems it mumsnet world.
I would not have coped with a house guest seven weeks post baby.
I was a mess.
Op might be struggling.

She has said this is a one off!

She comes every six bloody weeks and this is a one off for fucks sake.

Yes my family is also like previous posters who all shuffle up and make room.
But no one in my family would think of staying with someone with a baby under six months without being asked.

Because we are of the opinion of making new mothers stressed out is a shitty thing to do.

This threads fucking awful.
Another example of people ramping up the drama and tone of the thread.

Fucking ridiculous.

oswin i don't know if you read a lot of the earlier threads but OP was giving reasons such as 'a blue bed wouldn't match the decor of the living room' as a reason for not wanting MIL to stay which in my opinion is a cop out,

i wasn't rude to her, in actual fact i told her to get her DH to sort it.

I don't agree with anyone calling her a c**t - I haven't seen that - I stopped reading after page 6. Yes that's outrageous.

OP did not at any point say she was struggling/had issues with MIL. It was evident from what she was writing that she didn't want the bother of having to pull a sofabed down and move some washing to make room for her MIL, Think it was justified for some of us to ask if she'd be the same if it was her mum?

Oh behave Oswin, your post would make sense if OP hadn't wanged on about décor and sofa beds ad nauseum and talked about tiredness/routine, etc. This is her husband's mother and she's dodged every question asking about his view; you know - as the other equal parent.

OP will do what she wants. She didn't really need to start a thread asking if she was unreasonable but she did and was told that she was - not just by one or two but by almost everybody.

Posters that come onto a thread x-hundred posts after the event and post their wisdoms with the hindsight of masses of information and drip feeds are very annoying.

I saw the 'cunt' reference; it's MN's favourite term of endearment apparently so didn't think much of it. Report it if it irks you.

Oswin MIL came to stay when DD was a week old. She came to help me. I didn't have to look after her.

I don't think I've ever reported anybody for name-calling, I tend to challenge that on a thread if I see it - I do report for grammar/spelling corrections though.

Using cunt in an joking situation is different.
This is being used as an insult.
I'd save the use of the word cunt for you know people who are actually being cunts.

Op said in her op that she is just not up to having a house guest at the moment.
And that is bloody ok.
It's one visit fgs.

The op was talking about the decor, as well you know your not stupid, because she misunderstood and thought they meant permanently.
To bash her for that is just ridiculous and utterly jumping on the bandwagon.

Some of these posts have been utterly fucking vile. Awful.

Nicknameused but every family is not going to be like yours are they? My friend has a mother who stayed a few months after the baby was born for a week.
She was awful.
Didn't lift a finger just sat with the baby.

My mom would be helpful. But I didn't want more people around I wanted to find my feet with my baby I didn't want to not be able to use my living room in the middle of the night when dd was feeding every single hour.

Just because some family's are helpful doesn't mean all are.

Think what you like, Oswin.