To think if i call social services ...

[IsThisForTheBest]

Then they will support someone in need rather than remove their child?

I ve name changed for this as this is going to be very identifying.

Last week me and dh went to bil house and we got a shock!

Bil has learning difficulties and a brain injury (water on the brain as a baby and has had over 20 operations on his brain)

He has sole custody of his pre teenage son (mother estranded from them)

We have always know his house to be filthy. Dh and his brother was brought up like that and his brother thinks his house is clean. Last week im sure it was worse!

I wouldnt even go to the toilet there or have a brew and i didnt even want to lean back on the sofa! I refuse to take my dd there as he is a heavy smoker too.

He has always been volatile and has behavioural issues. He has an obsession with calling people cunts, twats, faggots etc.

He is forcing his child to call people a faggot in the street etc.

His son has no social skills and has poor speech.

His son has gained approx 2 stone in weight in the last year and when we saw him last week he was very clearly very over weight. He had always been very very slim.

He openly admits to allowing his son to buy big bags of crisps every day after school and only drink cola. No water or anything else.

He doesnt have a social worker. Last week when dh went to the shop with bil, bil was shouting to people in the street calling them a MILF.

He is extremerly vulnerable with money and will offer his bank card out to his neighbours so they can use it!

He has been taken advantage of a few times.

When he was driving he used to drive very irratic around the street and used to think it was funny.

He has since had his licence revoked due to health reasons but did mention he may be getting it back.

I think bil could do with some support (we are 2.5hours away) and im thinking if social services pay him a visit they could put some support in place for him, maybe send him on some courses etc and assign him a social worker.

Dh has gone mad at this idea as he feels ss will just take his son away and he doesnt want that on his conscience. He feels that any stress towards his brother will result in him needing brain surgery again (this does tend to happen when he is under enormous pressure ) and he doesnt want to be responsible for that.

I dont think its wise dh speak to him about the way he behaves and the state of the house as he will be very defensive and volatile towards dh and he just wouldnt get anywhere with him.

Aibu to think he needs social services help and they will give him support rather than take his son away from him?

I was wondering how long it would take you NanaNina. You must be so pleased with yourself. But as everybody knows there are good authorities and bad authorities, and two wrongs don't mean a right. People on here have given you evidence where children in their area have been removed for poor home conditions. Your advice on here and it would seem other threads has been archaic and it would appear that the OP has been given some terrible advice by the person she spoke to and needs to take it further.

Frankly I call a social worker, retired or not, who sarcastically refers to the "save the child brigade" as at best distasteful. Some of us actually do believe in trying the save the child and for some of us that's even why we went into the job.

NanaNina

Alot of what you have posted throughout this thread has been repeated to me by the duty social worker. I will know if school speak to bil as he will be telling dh if the school approach him

Well done for calling, NanaNina.

My father worked in social services for 25 years and they get a bad press but they're a good albeit underfunded service. It doesn't sound as though you got one of the more expert people and there's a whole process for escalating issues so if things don't improve please investigate those.

I have experience of social services as a client's parent. Am I allowed to post?

I agree that child protection is all of our business

OP please don't take any notice of the nonsensical replies you are getting, and making complaints etc. Someone says the SW was gossiping to tell you there had been no concerns - rubbish. Had he said "well we had a call from the school last month and................." that would have been a breach of confidentiality. To say there have been no reported concerns is a matter of fact. No breach of the Data Protection Act at all.

Someone wants you to take a photo of the house and send it to the Head of CSs - give me strength. I honestly can't remember all the posts and I'm in a hurry, but I can assure you that the response you got was exactly as I would expect. Someone (can't remember who) is indulging in personal and unpleasant criticism of me but it matters not. I think it's someone claiming to be social worker! ANY social worker would know how this referral would be treated. I think that says it all.

Ah it's Restless who finds me distasteful - I really don't care.

Incidentally OP it might be a good idea to speak to Adult Services about your BIL.

Adult services will need his consent however if you send photos to them you may find they'll look at it as a safeguarding issue under self neglect

At least you've put him on the ss radar, can only hope the school have concerns too which may encourage a home visit.

Did you mention to ss about the forcing him to verbally abuse people? That may prompt abuse concerns. Has anyone else suggested a letter to bils gp raising mental health concerns? Obviously will get difficult to find out who that is

Back

Yes i mentioned everything.

IsThisForTheBest I am sorry you did not get a better response. Can you speak to NSPCC and ask advice, telling them what you told social services and telling them the reply you got from them?

The response is very sad, OP, but hopefully in time some support will come- it doesn't always happen instantly. Nana - you come across as almost triumphant that the OP has not had a positive response. Why? This family need help. This is not a game or 'wily waving' - it's the real life of a young person and his brain injured father.

With out wanting to incite anything at all it's highly likely that given no other concerns have been reported that the person who took the call considered a huge amount of the reported concerns to be nothing more than differing standards

Needs

Differing standards is exactly what dh meant when he said i have high standards and dont realise how other people live.

I really hope the school do act on it and bil takes it well and responds to the support offered (if they offer any). I dont know what the solution is if the school have no concerns etc

I guess you then have to trust they have got it right, even though they don't see his living conditions they spend 9-3pm with him 5 days a week and presumably are in a better position to report concerns. Would you gave any way of forwarding a letter to bils gp about his mental health? If you've Googled the area there may be an obvious health centre you could send it to?

He rarely goes to the gp so im not sure if he would of changed his address but there is no harm in trying.

He very proudly told us the other day that him and his son are not registered with a dentist and his son never has been!

Our LA has a triage service and you have to have parents consent before referring unless the child is at serious risk. Bare min you have to tell the parent that you are making a referral. I've reported complex cases that they haven't been able to visit until I've told parents then the family has said they don't want the support.

The threshold is probably higher than you think.

I'm assuming Nana that you haven't actually been door knocking in a number of years given that you retired 7 years ago and was a manager prior to that?

In my authority the information would be shared with partner agencies so that a holistic multi agency decision can be made by the screening team.

It is absolutely ludicrous given the info in the original post to class this as low level!

No he isn't a child with an injury, he is however a child whose social and home environments are being massively neglected!

I'm afraid Nana that you are better off being retired as you seem to think that significant harm is only about young children who have injuries!

They won't do anything, let alone take the child into care.

I doubt they'll offer much support either but it's worth a shot as they are probably OK in some areas of the country...

When people wave their credentials on these threads, I have to smile because there are people who have been doing jobs who are completely and utterly hideous at it. I worked under a manager who would willy wave her 3 decades and senior managerial position but she was known as being useless. Sadly, not useless enough to be managed out but useless enough that she got slated and her team kept leaving. Senior management did not hide their disdain for her and it was a horrible environment to work in. I'd like to say this was an isolated incident but it's not. It's what you say and how you act, not how many years you've been doing the job.

OP, I'm sorry you got an unacceptable response. Services are underfunded and overstretched but it does not justify the shrugging shoulders we do over vulnerable children.

You made the right call in reporting to social services OP. I would follow your call up with a letter too, listing all your concerns. I have fostered children who came into care because of neglect. The family had been supported but didn't improve sufficiently and eventually agreed for the children to be removed much to the relief of the children. If in doubt report.

Sadly not surprised Children's Services were not interested - the thresholds are very high.

I had to fight really hard to get help for my family last year despite several referrals from professionals including school we didn't meet the threshold until the shit really hit the fan.

If you can possibly spare some time to try and support BIL and DN eg having him over in the summer to stay perhaps?