To think if i call social services ...

[IsThisForTheBest]

Then they will support someone in need rather than remove their child?

I ve name changed for this as this is going to be very identifying.

Last week me and dh went to bil house and we got a shock!

Bil has learning difficulties and a brain injury (water on the brain as a baby and has had over 20 operations on his brain)

He has sole custody of his pre teenage son (mother estranded from them)

We have always know his house to be filthy. Dh and his brother was brought up like that and his brother thinks his house is clean. Last week im sure it was worse!

I wouldnt even go to the toilet there or have a brew and i didnt even want to lean back on the sofa! I refuse to take my dd there as he is a heavy smoker too.

He has always been volatile and has behavioural issues. He has an obsession with calling people cunts, twats, faggots etc.

He is forcing his child to call people a faggot in the street etc.

His son has no social skills and has poor speech.

His son has gained approx 2 stone in weight in the last year and when we saw him last week he was very clearly very over weight. He had always been very very slim.

He openly admits to allowing his son to buy big bags of crisps every day after school and only drink cola. No water or anything else.

He doesnt have a social worker. Last week when dh went to the shop with bil, bil was shouting to people in the street calling them a MILF.

He is extremerly vulnerable with money and will offer his bank card out to his neighbours so they can use it!

He has been taken advantage of a few times.

When he was driving he used to drive very irratic around the street and used to think it was funny.

He has since had his licence revoked due to health reasons but did mention he may be getting it back.

I think bil could do with some support (we are 2.5hours away) and im thinking if social services pay him a visit they could put some support in place for him, maybe send him on some courses etc and assign him a social worker.

Dh has gone mad at this idea as he feels ss will just take his son away and he doesnt want that on his conscience. He feels that any stress towards his brother will result in him needing brain surgery again (this does tend to happen when he is under enormous pressure ) and he doesnt want to be responsible for that.

I dont think its wise dh speak to him about the way he behaves and the state of the house as he will be very defensive and volatile towards dh and he just wouldnt get anywhere with him.

Aibu to think he needs social services help and they will give him support rather than take his son away from him?

That's a little bit hard to believe...

Did you really call someone who said that? human rights? It's blatantly not true (otherwise what so adult social services do?) and anyway how would they know whether or not your BIL would accept help?

I assumed they didn't say anything at all about potential outcome when you called, just a thanks very much then looked into it themselves. If you have spoken to a social worker who has decided not to get involved with a family he knows nothing about over the phone you need to make a complaint about him. That's how children get missed and die

By getting them to speak to school, school will probably keep a closer eye on things and this may trigger a referral. You need to speak to BIL too, and tell him how concerned you are.

Yes he did say that!!!

I was gobsmacked myself.

He said he would ring the school himself and discuss it with them but any help offered is only voluntary for bil to take it.

He also did mention that alot of people have this idea that families have to accept help and this is not the case

Wtf! What about the rights of your poor nephew to grow up in a decent home! Which this is not. I thought he was older than 11.

I'd keep phoning until I spoke to someone more bloody sympathetic.

Well that's fucking stupid and also wrong. Child protection overrides adult human rights. He seems to have assessed it as a family support issue not child protection.

and how would he even know if newphew is being abused just by a phonecall

how lax of them to say we cant do anything its against human right

Well no of course people don't have to accept help. But you don't decide that they won't without even asking them

There is no physical or sexual abuse concern and because of this their hands are tied but he will speak to the school head teacher

The suggestion that they will only intervene if parents need sectioning is blatantly untrue. Of course SS have the duty to intervene in cases of neglect irrespective of the mental health of the parents. I'd suggest you insist on contacting the head of social services as the person you spoke to doesn't know their job.

so now emotional abuse doesnt count?

I explained everything.

They said they will speak to the school

Whoever you spoke to has given you absolutely incorrect advice. Emotional harm is considered severe neglect and is a child protection issue just as much as sexual or physical abuse. I would ring back the children and family duty number and explain that you have significant concerns. They MUST accept this and conduct an initial assessment, they cannot pick and chose referrals on the basis of human rights as child protection does not work like that. I cannot believe anyone from children's services would actually say what you have relayed to us, it is not at all standard procedure.

He said there have been no reports on this bil or my nephew.

Thats a breach of the Data Protection Act right there.
I would chase this one further.

Neglect is abuse - I'm guessing this is being triaged by some stupid early intervention system - it's not about just the parent! Keep reporting if you aren't happy

I would ring his school and speak to the head
Ring ss tomorrow and speak to another sw. Your bil is vulnerable and in turn is behaving inappropriately towards a minor in his care. It needs intervention

Tbf i guess if OP has called and said they're filthy and dad is teaching the child to swear but there is no other abuse they're aware of you can see why they couldn't take it particularly seriously but I don't understand why they would tell you that

Well there have been reports as you are making one now. Honestly are you sure it wasn't the office cleaner that picked up the phone as this whole conversation sounds dreadfully flawed and inaccurate

I can't believe he said out straight to you that there had been no reports. He hadn't the FAINTEST idea who you were, and should not have been gossiping with you like that, because that's essentially what he did by saying that.

My daughter's previous social worker must have moved to Wales :((

Looks like I'm not so out of date after all. Look OP the response you got is exactly what I would expect. When receiving such a referral that is relatively low key, the first response is to contact other professionals outside of the family, in this case the boy's school. If it was a very young child, the first contact would be the Health Visitor, if it was a child of pre-school age but in nursery, that would be the first contact, and if of school age, it would be the school. If concerns were being raised by other professionals then it's likely that a S.47 investigation would be the next step - that's a formal investigation into possible safeguarding issues.

Re the "human rights" - I think what the SW was trying to convey was that SWs don't have the "right of entry" as Article 8 of the Human Rights Act talks of the right for a person to live their live free from interference etc. I don't know the exact wording, but the important thing is that it IS a fact that SWs (or anyone else for that matter) have the right to knock on a door and demand entry. I tried to explain in previous posts the difficulties involved in "getting in" to a family where there are suspicions that there may be safeguarding issues. IF there is evidence and the court has made an Order for the child to be removed, that's a different matter, a police officer from the CP Unit will attend with the SW to ensure that the child is removed.

I get very frustrated when so many people who know absolutely nothing about social work, dish out advice, and it's almost always based on this notion that SWs are going to dash out to investigate any referral. SWs have to make a judgement about the nature of the referral, to decide on their response. If a teacher phones in about a distressed 6 year old who has bruising to her body and is making allegations about being hit by her step-father, then yes, there should absolutely be a "same day" investigation.

This referral would not be seen as needing an urgent response, and that was the only point I was trying to make. Again I think it is so arrogant that so many people rush to give advice (which is usually very wide of the mark) which must cause confusion for the OP.

Well the "save the child" brigade have now turned on the SW (it's giving me a rest!) but again there is a lot of nonsense being posted, simply because they don't understand how Children's Service operates - and why would they. I only have a very superficial knowledge of how the NHS works, schools, retailers, airports, the list is endless...........so I wouldn't dream of giving categoric advice - it's arrogant and when someone tries to put them right, they become aggressive. Give me strength.