To think DD should buy her own clothes?

[realhousewifeoffitzrovia]

My DD, 15, currently wears a uniform to school. The girls were told about six months ago that they no longer needed to wear a uniform beginning in Year 11 (this September). In terms of pocket money, we agreed two years ago on an amount that we would pay her every month that would cover all her costs - phone, clothes, Oyster card, hair cuts and spending money. She also has a weekly tutoring job that pays £10 an hour, but because she has had exams recently, she has been swamped with work and was unable to go until now.

Like any teenager, she has many clothes but as her style is frequently changing, she is attempting to sell her old clothes, which she says is difficult. She also says there is pressure in her school to have a "unique" style (not designer, more funky) . She has just suggested that I should take her out shopping and buy her a few staple items for next year that she can wear throughout. In my view, this is exactly what she agreed to be responsible for when we agreed her monthly budget. She thinks I am being quite unfair. What do you think?

I'd take her shopping so she starts out on a positive note and doesn't feel isolated in her peer group. Then you can think about budgeting for clothes going forward. It would cost me a huge amount to replace all the staples in my wardrobe - I'd buy her the staples and then help out going forward.

I admire that you are trying to teach your daughter not to get sucked into a consumerist way of life. However this is a great chance to learn about a capsule wardrobe and being stylish rather than fashionable (and avoiding fast fashion).

How about you make it into a nice day out, go shopping together and buy 2 x trousers/skirts, 1 x dress, 3 x tops all really good quality that will last and wash brilliantly for her to last the rest of school not just the next year (maybe an early birthday present?). It might cost £500 but she can then top up anything else she wants or needs out of her allowance.

OP what was the outcome of the sandwich discussion? I want to know!

I think she should have paid, having declined the homemade sandwich and the airplane meal.

Pearman, we presented her with a choice two years ago - either she get the larger monthly amount and be responsible for budgeting for all her wants, or she gets 1/4 of that and we buy her clothes etc. She chose the former . What do you think I should have done!

Pearman, that was meant to be a question mark and not an exclamation mark i.e. "What do you think I should have done?"

I have read most of this thread with I don't have children but when I was 15, I really wanted a coat that everyone else had. It was £45. I remember vividly. My Mum said if I wanted it, i'd have to pay for it. So I got myself a Saturday job ... and then a Friday night job ... and saved up myself.

£200 to me seems a lot. As she sounds as though she is coming out with more than £100 dispensable from this. A lot of the things you ask her to pay for with this are luxuries. It's not like you're asking her to pay bills and pay for the food shopping Plus it sounds like you buy her fair share of clothes as would be expected, she just wants more... and for that reason, I'd say you were being more than generous.

But hey what do I do, I must be very poor compared to most MN'ers

to be honest you sound petty .i mean i now you give her an allowance .but i would give her even a few hundred pounds a year for clothes in lou of school uniform .i mean by the time you add a blazer 2/3 decent pair of shoes and other stuff you are 200/300 hundred a year anyway .in my opinion its fine to teach them to save ,but my attitude is while i have it my sons can have it .and argueing over a sandwich on way to holidays is just strange ,

"Capsule wardrobe"?? Hahaha!

She's 15!

I tell my much younger DDs not to order certain drinks and sides when we are out due to costs so nothing wrong with that IMO. We also have an under £10 rule each for the main. It's important they understand that they can only spend what we have and we need to budget. We have a good lifestyle but still have to be careful with money.
I am probably one of the very few who agree with you. I would have also made her buy her own sandwich at the airport as she was choosing not to eat the food provided and I would also expect her current budget to pay for the clothes she is wearing to school - providing of course she has enough clothes already that she could wear.
Having said that I would probably buy her one outfit as a present on top of this.
Life is tough when you have to stand on your own two feet. I would say that you are doing your daughter a great favour by helping her understand the value of money from a young age.

I would say that you are doing your daughter a great favour by helping her understand the value of money from a young age

I agree. But realistically, once her dd is at uni, and in first jobs, she's not likely to be able to afford the number of clothes she has now, so it's quite a mild lesson in the general scheme of things.

Savesome

And yet I don't want for anything. I buy treats and clothing when I want and eat far too much chinese and am even decorating atm without straining funds. It can be done. I personally think spending £50 on a hoodie is batshit. Most of mine are from asda, newlook or choice. Teenagers need to learn how to manage on a tight budget, what will she do when she has to get a mortgage? If you have more money then great but living within your means is an important life skill and I cannot fathom how she can possibly feel hard done by with that sort of allowance. Only a few years back when I was at college I got 30 a week alg payment. I didn't pay bills except my phone but everything else, travel, lunches, clothes and toiletries came out of that. It was easily doable without living in poverty.

Op I think your intentions are in the right place initially to teach her budgeting and financial awareness which in itself is great.

However it does sound like you have taken it a bit far as you have been influenced by your upbringing (which we are all influenced by in fairness)

The world is very different now and the reality is that image for teenagers is much more ingrained to their identity than it was years ago

You for example make a slightly disparaging comment on why a teen needs staples as such....I get that....I didn't have a concept of staples or a "wardrobe" as a teen but then I wasn't under the same pressure

I think you have been very open to the opinions here and it is possibly time to recognise when you are controlling rather than informing (sorry controlling is a bit harsh for my meaning but I can't think of another word)

You say yourself she is sensible so kudos to you because you have created that partly with your parenting....now perhaps is the time to support with buying the clothes and be proud that she is so sensible she is discussing this so maturely with you

When mine start Sixth Form they get a far smaller allowance (£30/month) to buy everything except lunch and transport to school. This has not caused any problems: dd became very good at creating her own image from Primark and charity shops.

But then I didn't suddenly change the original agreement- I could see why that could cause problems.

Another part of me thinks: it's all very well saying image is important and today's world is different- but these teenagers are going to be at uni soon, with far less money and then probably have to live on fairly low salaries when they start out; it won't matter what today's world looks like, they will still have to learn to manage.

I think you are being cheap. Why have a daughter if you don't want to clothe her? Let her learn to budget for luxuries like phones, makeup, handbags....NOT clothes!

I enjoyed buying clothes for my DC until they had finished schooling and university and were working full-time. Surely that's what parenting is about? Caring for your children and ensuring they're fed and clothed. She'll have a lifetime of budgeting.

To the last two posters: it doesn't sound like the OP's daughter is short of clothes - the opposite in fact. It does sound like her daughter tires of her clothes fairly quickly and likes to buy new ones.

fascicle
A normal 15 year old then.

Quite possibly, Mycrane. But you mentioned the parental requirement of ensuring children are clothed - a duty that has clearly been fulfilled in OP's case. OP's daughter hasn't got a shortage of clothes, she just wants more/different clothes. I think OP's situation is a grey area and a compromise might be the best way forward - one approach would be for OP and her daughter to review the clothes she has/for daughter to make better efforts to sell off those she doesn't want/look at how her allowance is working/agree on funding of new items.

I would also take her shopping with what I would normally spend on uniform. The arrangement was made assuming she just needed clothes for weekend and holidays.

Could you reduce her pocket money each month but take her on a one-off shopping trip with an agreed budget?

I.e. Say she gets £50pm, she will instead get £40pm for the next year but a one off shopping trip for £120?

Sorry, I was way late to this, phone easn't showing the bazillion posts before mine :)