To think DD should buy her own clothes?

[realhousewifeoffitzrovia]

My DD, 15, currently wears a uniform to school. The girls were told about six months ago that they no longer needed to wear a uniform beginning in Year 11 (this September). In terms of pocket money, we agreed two years ago on an amount that we would pay her every month that would cover all her costs - phone, clothes, Oyster card, hair cuts and spending money. She also has a weekly tutoring job that pays £10 an hour, but because she has had exams recently, she has been swamped with work and was unable to go until now.

Like any teenager, she has many clothes but as her style is frequently changing, she is attempting to sell her old clothes, which she says is difficult. She also says there is pressure in her school to have a "unique" style (not designer, more funky) . She has just suggested that I should take her out shopping and buy her a few staple items for next year that she can wear throughout. In my view, this is exactly what she agreed to be responsible for when we agreed her monthly budget. She thinks I am being quite unfair. What do you think?

Pieces not prices

So you save money not buying uniform?

Give her that.

How much do you give her? It has quite a bearing on the situation!

The amount she gets every month is closer to £200 than £40, but it was meant to include everything other than school lunch . Many items have come up for discussion since - e.g. she wears glasses, which of course we pay for, and daily disposable contact lenses. I wasn't sure whether her budget should extend to her daily disposable contact lenses as wearing them is optional, but we decided to pay for them. Whether something is in or out of budget has been a source of confusion/disagreement - e.g. we were going to the airport the other day. She doesn't like plane food so I said I would make her a sandwich before we left. She said she didn't want one. When we got to the airport, we had a discussion about who should pay for her Pret sandwich. It seems very petty, but I think it's important to teach her to budget, and how to value money. I hope this isn't drip-feeding, but she moves in a circle with lots of well-off girls, and I am (probably too) desperate to avoid creating a sense of entitlement.

I have a 16 year old daughter. We buy her clothes. Pocket money is not for clothes. It's for going out with friends and that sort of thing. And if she wants to spend pocket money on more clothes, that's up to her. Clothes are a life essential, so wouldn't ask her to use pocket/part time job money to buy them

£200 a month? Wow, that's a huge amount! What is that £200 supposed to cover?

Misses point but how did your DD manage to get a tutoring job at 15?

Hi Papaya. It isn't £200 but it's closer to that amount than £40 (referring to another post upthread). We're in London and this covers her oyster card which is £20 month, phone £20, spending money for snacks out with friends, gifts for family, hair cuts, cosmetics . . . I grew up with very little money, and am actually grateful for having done so because I appreciate everything I have, and this probably factors into my approach. But it's helpful to hear that I may be being overly mean here.

My DD18 also moves in circles with very well off friends. One of them gets £30k a year living expenses.

This has not changed what I do for DD. She has a job which has to pay for everything other than her travel card and mobile contract. I take her out on mum and daughter shopping trips. She buys all her clothes out of her own money.

£200 should be enough for her to buy everything at 15, unless she has very high travel costs to come out of that.

You see this is why I prefer a school uniform, I know it's boring and can be quite restrictive but I a way she'll still end up wearing a 'uniform' of sorts.
£200 is a very good income for her age and she should be able to budget for clothes from that, but if you would be buying a uniform anyway, as pp's have said why not allow her an equivalent sum for school clothes. IME they're growing a lot at this age so clothes don't last that long.

Your a parent it's your job to feed and CLOTHE your kids. To be honest what you spent on uniform it would be cheaper to spent on clothes and girl clothes are fairly cheap more so than boy girls. At 15 she shouldn't be expected to work to fund this.

Hi GirlinaComa. She is babysitting a little Russian girl in order to help with her English, so it's like tutoring lite. And she tells me that she gets fabulous Russian baked snacks when she is there, so she is thrilled!

Your daughter will find some very cheap, funky items in a charity shop for a fraction of the cost and now its the summer holidays she has plenty of time to learn to sew and make alterations. start here

fwiw OP I was living alone at 16 having to stretch a paltry £35 week income support to cover food and clothing. a tight budget was certainly a kick up the backside to make the most of the money I had.

There are lots of options she could do with her old clothes. Faded jeans - dylon jeans dye @ £6 could dye 2 pairs of her jeans back to a decent indigo shade.

White or pale/pastel coloured shirts could be dyed brighter more on trend colours @ £3 for a pack of hand dye.

im 31 now and still buy charity clothes and update them. I'm currently making a couple of summer tops from silk scarves I paid £3 for 4 in shop. ITs the easiest top to sew. look on pinterest for ideas.

Despite the reasonably high income I do think you should buy your DD clothes for school. Her suggestion of some stable items to last her throughout the year seems very reasonable to me. Hope you do it and also have an enjoyable trip together.

DDs get £200 per month. I buy essentials, eg. winter coat, underwear, socks, one pair of sensible winter shoes, one pair of winter boots, one pair of summer shoes and one pair of casual trainers. School uniform was paid for by us. School lunches by us. When they went to sixth form college we paid for the basics, a pair of jeans, a couple of skirts, a couple of tops a couple of jumpers. It's expensive to kit yourself out for school/work etc. We live in an area that is reasonably cheap and we have access to cheaper clothing stores as well as some nice independents. We agreed a budget for the initial kitting out and then carried on as before, so until September, I will still pay for undies, etc.
PS. We also pay for glasses and contact lenses.

But it's not £200 is it so hiw much actually is it? Any yes you are being petty not buying her a sandwich!

Just to be clear, it is not £200 a month! I just feel a little uncomfortable disclosing the exact amount. My DD would agree that the amount is fair, but I think like many of the other posters, she would say that the amount was agreed on the basis that she only had to buy weekend and after-school clothes. I think life doesn't work like that - if my expenses go up, my boss doesn't suddenly give me a raise, and I think she has enough time to plan for this. (E.g. maybe she should buy one bikini, and not three, this summer - and use the money saved towards buying something for Year 11 own clothes )

real.
I actually think you're being incredibly unfair. You are sitting by the computer with your dd, everybody, and as far as I can see, it's everybody, has said you're being unreasonable, you have stated your dd is watching the replies and smiling at them, and yet you're not budging an inch.
Why post and drag dd in if you had no intention of changing your mind?

Ds and I have a system regarding pretty much everything. I buy 'needs' and he buys 'wants'. This goes for clothes, food, transport, etc. So I cover all the essentials and if he wants something different or more fancy, he saves up for it or has it as a birthday or Christmas gift.

For goodness sake, who argues with their child about paying for a sandwich?

Dawn, this thread is forcing me to change my decision (if not my mind , as that takes longer to change, if that makes any sense). She is generally a good and responsible girl, and I think it's hard for me to navigate my way through very different economic circumstances than I grew up in. I am embarrassed to admit that I even tell her not to order $4 smoothies as part of a meal when we go out. I thought I was teaching her valuable life lessons but maybe I was just being petty.

Pocket money should be along side food and clothing. If she wants extra clothes then that's pocket money. Food outside the family spend is pocket money. But majority clothes and food when out as a family is parents.

It's clothes for school buy her clothes for school use the uniform budget its not a huge deal

School clothes are your remit, be they dictated by school or otherwise.

Please just suck it up and give your child the funds to clothe herself properly for school. You'll teach her more about being an adult by accepting you're wrong than you will by dragging your heels and sulking.

You sound very petty. You begrudge buying your daughter a sandwich?! She sounds very sensible with a good work ethic. You sound a bit mean and obsessed with teaching her a lesson.