To think DD should buy her own clothes?

[realhousewifeoffitzrovia]

My DD, 15, currently wears a uniform to school. The girls were told about six months ago that they no longer needed to wear a uniform beginning in Year 11 (this September). In terms of pocket money, we agreed two years ago on an amount that we would pay her every month that would cover all her costs - phone, clothes, Oyster card, hair cuts and spending money. She also has a weekly tutoring job that pays £10 an hour, but because she has had exams recently, she has been swamped with work and was unable to go until now.

Like any teenager, she has many clothes but as her style is frequently changing, she is attempting to sell her old clothes, which she says is difficult. She also says there is pressure in her school to have a "unique" style (not designer, more funky) . She has just suggested that I should take her out shopping and buy her a few staple items for next year that she can wear throughout. In my view, this is exactly what she agreed to be responsible for when we agreed her monthly budget. She thinks I am being quite unfair. What do you think?

As a PP said tho I wouldn't go overboard I bet she has tons of nice clothes she can supplement the basics with! Or sell them for extra spending money.

I don't think it's a bad habit to instil - I know a couple of people who broke out of the cycle of going overdrawn every month and having spare left over by swapping pret sandwiches for packed lunch and cutting the daily Starbucks.

I don't think there is anything wrong with what the op is doing and I do not think there is anything wrong with a child having pocket money and incorporating a clothing and personal spend budget into that.

Teaching budgeting and managing expectations is an incredibly valuable lesson.

I also agree with her on the sandwich front (if the meal option originally planned was already paid for by the op) far to few adults understand that if you don't like something on offer its your problem to fix not others.

I disagree about the work comparasion if your expenses are direct work ones then as a rule they get covered.
You have sole financial responsibility for providing your child with what she needs you and her have elected to do this with a personal budget. There is nothing wrong with this budget reflecting income but it should be reassesed when income changes or further expenses are incurred.

It may be that this reassessment decides her accessible finances do not increase BUT it should be considered

Children don't always grow so don't always need new uniform at the beginning of the school year. I don't think mine will need new uniform come September. If this is the case then I don't think it's your responsibility to buy her clothes for the new school term

If she has grown then I would give her what you would have spent on uniform for her to spend. If what she wants comes out to more than what you have given her then she needs to top it up herself.

I would also be asking the school why they have decided to junk the uniform for year 11. I thought this only usually happened going into the sixth form! Junking a uniform for normal clothes usually ends up in the parents spending more, unless you go to a very posh school where uniform costs a bomb!

Goddess, I don't order a drink (other than wine) when I'm out so it's not like I'm depriving her of something I'm enjoying that she could enjoy. I think it's fair to say though that I'm miserly about the small things with her and not the big things. I don't think that anyone would say her life is "deprived" in any way, but I think you may be onto something - perhaps I am uncomfortable with that and therefore trying to give her a sense of deprivation nonetheless.

Having gone to school in a school where there is no uniform, this is two pence so worth.
This could potentially become a HUGE thing with ypu having to ppay for a hell of a lot of clothes 'just for school' because she wants to keep up with other people/fashion has changed etc..
On the other side, I then never worse some clothes for school and some clothes for home. If she already has plenty of decent clothes 'for home' then they will do very well for 'school'. They will get some wear and tear more quickly which is to take into account.

So I would say it depends a lot of the budget you have set up with her. Of it's really tight (I wouldn't;t count the work she is doing), then yes add the budget you had for her school uniform. She might be surprised at how little it is (Sxchool jumpers are expensive but the school skirt/trousers aren't).
If your budget is already quite confortable, then she should make it do.

real I don't think I've ever tried to make my dcs have a sense of 'deprivation' but I'm sure as hell that I've tried to make them aware that buying things for the sake of it isn't a good idea. The first questions that are always asked if they want/need something is

• do you really need it?
• will you really enjoy it?

If the answer isn't a clear yes, then think about it. (And then said items is usually forgotten pretty quickly).

Teaching your dcs to be careful, not to have a wardrobe full of clothes they hardly wear isn;t teaching deprivation IMO.

I can't believe than some people give their teens £200 per month for incidentals etc etc.

I don't even spend that on clothes, phone, glasses, cosmetics, shampoo etc for a family of 3 every month and we certainly don't go without!

I must be living in another world

I don't think you are being unreasonable if you wouldn't have had to buy uniform. With my 4 I spent very little on uniform in year 11, looking at kids of that age I think most of them are in old uniform unless they have had a massive growth spurt and I find that is more likely with boys as girls I know seem to have had the big spurt younger than that.

I assume she can still wear her uniform if she doesn't want to buy other stuff.

I would give her a budget of £x per term to buy clothes for school

I think that on the whole YANBU.

She's got enough clothes to see her through the school week & the weekend I should imagine.

That said, I can also see the value of her having some stuff specifically for school, but if she's going to want rid as soon as they don't fit the image that she's trying to go along with then what's the point?

She might as well adapt what she already has!

Just because Op would have spent £x on uniform, doesn't mean that she has to spend if it's not necessary.

It could be used for an other purpose or even saved!

granny according to the op, she hasn't bought her DD uniform for 2 years.

real. My mother knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. She has deprived herself of so many lovely things in life such as lunch out in town when shopping, the fun car she wanted, the clothes she coveted etc etc. She penny punches in silly ways when she could well afford not to. She is obsessed with money and the things she owns despite constantly constantly stating to the contrary. Please don't end up as a bitter old woman like her. She uses her comfortably affluent position as a hold over me and a stick to beat me with. Your money is there for you to enjoy and have pleasurable experiences with your family .

My kids had an allowance that was to cover everything, if they wanted more for clothes then they could walk to school or cycle rather than buy a bus pass, they could cut back what they spent in the canteen at school and take a sandwich, if they were saving for something they would take a sandwich and I would always have stuff available for that, sometimes they would buy a chocolate pudding and school or a drink but still saved by not buying the whole meal. I think that as adults those are the sort of decisions we make and it gave them the option. Can you do something on that line e.g. if you are paying for lunches then give her that and let her make cut backs if she wants to, I don't mean not eating but she could buy things for the week more cheaply than paying school prices.

Janecc she might not have bought anything for 2 years but that still doesn't tell us if she needs anything now. With my kids I have had times when they have grown out of uniform in six months and times when it has lasted 3 years. Quality varies as well, two of my kids went to a school with a supplier you had to use and you were lucky if the stuff lasted a year the other two went to a school where the uniform was expensive but lasted years and got passed on. As an example the rugby kit got used by one son for 3 years, passed on to younger brother who wore it for five years (he was smaller so it swamped him in year 7) and then got passed on to a friend's son who was going to the same school.

It really seems to come down to want vs need?

She's got enough, but not of the type that she wants?

Who should pay?

Hmm!

Hi Granny. That was my thinking behind our spending money arrangement with DD. There's no doubt she can afford to buy these "staples" (not quite sure there is such a thing for a teenage girl, by the way). She just would prefer to buy other, or more, clothes. But the general message in the thread is that I should pay for this because the deal we made in 2013 didn't take this into account and because we can afford it, which I can see.

Diddl - I think you hit the nail on the head from my perspective. She doesn't need new clothes, and she has a budget for clothes anyway. She just wants more. But the majority of posters firmly believe that isn't the point, and I signed up for this referendum

I think it does depend on the KIND of clothes that she needs for school.

If the clothes that she would need for school are of the same type as she is already wearing (so if for example the clothes generally worn are jeans, T-shirts and pumps and she already has all of those things aplenty), then your stance is reasonable because she does not need to buy any extra. The only things that you might want to pay for are e.g. a decent warm coat and strong shoes, because those might not be things she would otherwise buy.

If on the other hand there is a dress code for non-uniform at school that is not in line with the clothes that she already has (e.g. smart casual, business dress etc), then it is reasonable for you to pay for a week or so's worth of such clothes and expect her to pay for any extras or variation.

Op you sound a bit petty.
Sorry but the fact life changes doesn't mean she has to deal with things like she's a grown adult. She's a teenager.

Teacher, the clothes she needs to wear are the same kinds of clothes she wears outside of school now. I do buy her winter coats (and just bought her camping kit for her D of E expedition, fwiw)

In that case, you are not being unreasonable.

Provided that she has a week's worth of acceptable clothes (to be fair, we have very few clothes as a family, others might see a fortnight's worth as being more acceptable), she is adequately provided for. If she wants more / different clothes, then she has to buy them.

So £40 a month is phone and travel card. You say the amount is not £200 but closer to it, so for arguments sake lets say you give £150.

She has £110 a month for everything. Does this money include toiletries?

What about shoes? Is her allowance to cover that too?

I dont think your giving her enough tbh. Clothes are not cheap especially nice good quality ones. If she wanted a superdry hoodie for example that would be £50 straight off.

Also clothes dont last as long as they used to (well they dont in our house anyway im forever replacing stained or whites that have gone grey)

Think you are being unfair if the amount you agreed on two years ago didn't include school clothes and now it does. Also have you increased the amount in the two years, if not it probably pays for less now than it did then.

"Teacher, the clothes she needs to wear are the same kinds of clothes she wears outside of school now. "

Hahahahaha!

No, really?

Couldn't see that one coming(sarcasm).

Tell her nice try!

I went a (high) fee-paying school with no uniform, and I paid for my own clothes as soon as I had an allowance. (I was about 14).

The idea that you should pay for her clothes instead of a uniform is incredibly naïve - uniform is dirt cheap comparatively, and you wear the same things every single day.

DD's school clothes' budget will be inevitably far in excess of what you spend on uniform. She won't want to wear the same thing every day. She won't buy things in fabrics that will last. And she'll ditch anything as soon as it becomes unfashionable.

It would be a good idea to sit down and work out her wardrobe staples for school and a budget.

You could simply give her the amount she would have spent on uniform.