to ask if this is a weird way to 'do' kids bedtime?

[alificent]

After browsing Facebook and reading other threads on here tonight, I've noticed lots of people saying about having put the kids to bed ages ago but them still crashing around, having to keep going up to them etc.

I read to all my DC together then give the middle ones different books to look at while I take the eldest to her room and tuck her in. I have a little chat with her then I sit in the room with the middle DC and breastfeed the baby. Within ten minutes they are all asleep. It never occurred to me to 'leave them to it' until they ask for me to do so. Does anyone else do bedtime like this or am I in the minority?

That sounds tough, I might have been a little younger perhaps when that worked on me. Fingers crossed for you.

I know some one who still has to sleep with her 11 year old, she hasn't had an evening in years and deeply resents it. Fuck that.

My ten year old cousin sleeps with her parents too Rabbit. And I have a friend whose kids are 9 and 7 and she has to sit in the hallway til they fall asleep. We went out the other night and she had three sobbing phone calls from them. Also she was gone with family for a week and her DS missed two days of school because he was too upset to go without her dropping him off. Think there's some anxiety there though

I don't sit with mine til they fall asleep, never have apart from when they were tiny and bf to sleep. They wouldn't go to sleep if I was there. BUT I do actually put them to bed, read with each of them, sing them a lullaby and kiss them goodnight and turn their light off. The vast majority of the time I then don't hear anything from them again until morning.

They are 5, 8 and 9 and I realise a lot of people, especially with kids the age of the the older two don't read with them anymore, and definitely wouldn't sing to them. I will keep doing it until they don't want me to. They are all perfectly capable of reading to themselves but it's lovely to share books. I have asked my 9 year old if she wants me to stop singing to her, but she still wants me to. Bedtime takes ages these days as they are all reading chapter books, but I keep reminding myself that before I know it I will have a house full of teenagers who don't even bother to say goodnight, so I'm making the most of it while I can.

I would find it weird and a bit sad to just send them up to bed on their own. Sometimes if I'm busy I will tell the older ones to read on their own, but I still go and sing and say goodnight, or DH does if I am going out.

I think if it works for you and you are happy with the routine then go for it, it won't work for everyone and you may need to change it as your children get older. But it sounds like a lovely routine with some quality time before bed.

My youngest goes to bed same time every night. I read 2 stories, give her cuddles leave the room and she is asleep within a minute. No crying.
With my teenager, he no longer wants a story read to him, he likes a chat, then hug then sleep.

Stealth my dd had a phase exactly like that at 9! She was waking in the night too and howling like a small toddler

I've never sat with DD (though I had to sit with one of her brothers - I hadn't sat with him to fall asleep for a good year by the time DD's sleep went wrong) and she slept well and went to bed without any problem between the ages of 1-9, then she just couldn't/ wouldn't.

We tried lots of things too - story CDs work for her brother but not her, tried story meditation CDs but also no help - night light, lavender... The first night I slept with her but wasn't prepared or able to do it every night -I work some evenings and some very early shifts and have a husband and 2 other kids...

For dd I was fairly sure it was triggered by a hospital stay (unscheduled, unexpected) but what actually stopped it was taking her to her pediatrician about it - she checked her thoroughly, assured hershe was healthy and very earnestly told her a dream catcher would remove the worries from her room and allow her to sleep.

DD is perfectly intelligent and rational and really should have seen straight through it, but because the doctor said it and mostly because she wanted to believe it, it worked! She's slept perfectly again since.

Hope you find a solution soon!

I'm not always here to put the kids to bed, occasionally I am at late meetings, dance class, dinner with the girls, having a life etc. so my kids are all able to fall asleep without using me as a crutch. The two older ones take themselves to bed at bedtime and read before going to sleep, we tuck the 3 year old in, read a story, kiss him and leave him to it. None of my kids have ever got up and crashed around, they just go to sleep. Regardless of who puts them to bed.

I don't just leave them. DD3, who's six, first reads (in her bedroom) to either DH or myself, or sometimes both, then either of us reads a second story to her. If she's fretful about anything I may climb up to the top bunk for a cuddle while I read to her.

Then it's last toilet visit, then back into bed, with the rule that she stays in bed, only time she's allowed to get up again is for the toilet or if she's ill.

Then DH and I go downstairs to have the evening to ourselves.

Ds ( 3 yo) needed me to sit with him until a few months ago but after sitting in the dark for over an hour most nights I told him he was a big boy and mummy had to go and sit in her bedroom...where I now read / mumsnet whilst dp cooks me dinner

Interesting, Schwabish. I can't put my finger on what has triggered this for DD - no obvious trauma, but for a variety of reasons a lot of attention has had to be focused on DS recently, so I can only think that it is a cry for attention.

Last night was (by recent standards) ok, and it's just her and me tonight, so hopefully we can make it two good nights in a row and then it will all go to pot again because I am away for work.

I have a rambunctious toddler (aren't they all) who rebels massively at bedtime. He gets 2 stories and kiss cuddle and bed, it can take hi. 2 hours to settle... But sleeps past 8am My 4 year old takes about 20 mins...and wakes between 6 and 7.

I'm drinking wine downstairs whilst they figure getting off to sleep sorted. That's my time and as long as they are in bed not setting fire to the place, I'm happy!

You are v patient!

DSD (routine set by DH way before I married him) - has half an hour TV time in our bed, then half an hour reading time in her own bed, followed by half an hour fucking about / going to the toilet 40 times / calling him in because her duvet isn't straight / she can't remember whether she brushed her teeth for the full 2 minutes / there's a fly in her room / she can't remember when Great Aunt Ethel's wedding anniversary is and needs to know RIGHT NOW / wants to know whether he prefers guinea pigs or gerbils and why / she's bored / she thinks she might like X or Y or Z for Christmas. Then he flips. Then she cries. Then she can't settle because she's crying. Then she goes to the toilet another 40 times.

DS (routine set by me as DH too busy settling DSD to get involved) - gets a clean nappy, teeth brushed, and plonked into his cot with a nursery rhyme and a cuddle. I leave the room while he's still awake. Usually asleep within 2-3 minutes.

DD2 - falls asleep on the boob while I eat crisps and drink tea watch TV, and is transferred to her cot semi-asleep. Doesn't often fully wake when transferred, and if she does she's usually back to sleep within a few minutes.

The almost 3 year old goes to his room first. Two stories, cuddle, kiss, bed. Goes to sleep unless he's had a daytime nap then he crashes around like an animal for hours. Half an hour later the 5 yo goes up. He shares a room with the 7yo but if put to bed together they dick around. 7yo reads/draws for 30-45mins until his brother is asleep. Is rather more protracted than I would like but it works. Although we've just found the 2yo and the 7yo crashed out in the 7yo's bed together so tonight it didn't work.

Mine have staggered bedtimes, they each get a story/chat and brush their teeth and pee and then into bed with a kiss. Job done. My 11 year old goes at 8.30pm so to me 9pm is very late for small children - but then mine have to get up early for school and so we can get to work - maybe you don't have that problem?

Sleep is incredibly important and if sitting with them is the best way for your children to get over then so be it, of course it isn't weird!

How old is DSD, Wasp? And does she live with you all the time? That would drive me mental!

DS1 is almost 9 and a great one for stalling and/or traipsing up and down the stairs to tell me he can't sleep. Ugh. Usually ends in me telling him he wont have any screen time the next day if I see him one more time before 7.

She's 9 too, Cheerful, and is with us between 3 and 5 nights a week. Yes it drives me mental too - thankfully DS sleeps pretty heavily for the first couple of hours at night so he doesn't tend to wake while the drama goes on!

I guess it depends on the kids and what suits you as parents. I don't 'get' sitting there till they fall asleep. But then my DS would mess about if I was in room.
DS is 2.5, only child and in a cot in his own room. Our bedtime routine is:
Milk in front of TV or having stories in lounge, bath, into bedroom and into PJs, 1 story, say goodnight, put him in the cot, walk out and close the door. Might hear him rustle about for a few minutes. It'd be really unusual to hear anything else from him until morning. From getting out of bath to him being asleep is probably 20mins.
I know we have it really lucky, but when he was about 15/16 months he was still waking in the night demanding milk and went through a stage of really playing up going to sleep so did take a good few days of taking no nonsense and lots of crying to let him know that at bedtime we put him in his bed and we walk out the door, there's definitely no conversation (or milk!) once in bed. It was hard work but worth it. But I only know our DS. He got the hang of the new rules relatively easily. I don't think climbing out of his cot has even crossed his mind yet so I'm sure we'll be in for fun and games when he grows out of his cot and needs a bed!

Do whatever works for you.

I used to sit with them when they were little but I wouldn't do it now because they take ages to fall asleep, I might do if they were asleep in 10 minutes though.

Your just stealth boasting! I dream of having children that would only take ten minutes to fall asleep if I say with them. Of course I would if that would work! Most children don't fall asleep that easily. I've tried lying with mine for over an hour and I find my presence keeps them awake and fidgety.

Different folks. Different strokes. Different kids. Different sleep patterns.

YABU to assume that just because you and your kids suit your routine, other people are strange for not doing it your way.

Mine falls asleep within half hour.

mine needs medication to get to sleep because we suspect the sensory processing difficulties make it harder.

Even when tired mine refuses to sleep. Often for hours then we get the overtired but super alert phase.

give me a child that falls asleep within 10 minutes and no drugs and i'll swear the child is broken

A good trick to make them fall asleep in a few minutes: start answering one of their questions in a scientific manner. Use a boring voice and lots of little details and go deeper and deeper into the subject. It used to work a treat with mine.
So, it must work with all children.

count yourself lucky you have children you sleep and don't gloat about it to your friends who have children who are different.

I have one who doesn't need sleep - sleeps about 8hrs a night, always been like that, wakes up early, no reason for it, she just is like that. she will often still be pottering around in her room when we go to bed. nothing we have done wrong with raising her or how we do bedtime, she just doesn't need the sleep.

and I have one who does need a bit more sleep but not a huge amount more and even then my life is nowhere near as simple as my friends who seem to have children who go to bed at 7, are asleep at 7:30 and still need waking in the morning... I don't really get an evening, they aren't bad - they do tend to stay upstairs quietly but still they aren't asleep.

All people are different and it is very easy to assume that you must be doing everything right and other people must be doing it wrong just because they haven't got children who sleep as much for example.

I like what I was told by a Dr though when I asked the question - bright children tend to need less sleep so I comfort myself with the thought that mine must be the next Einsteins...

DD is nearly 12 - I still go up with her, we get into her bed, have a 10 minute chat and then a quiet 5 minute cuddle and I leave her drifting off with an audio book playing in the background.

I've always stayed with her until she's starting to nod off - like the OP I find it easier as she used to faff about for aaaaages if I didn't settle her and I couldn't relax.