to ask if this is a weird way to 'do' kids bedtime?

[alificent]

After browsing Facebook and reading other threads on here tonight, I've noticed lots of people saying about having put the kids to bed ages ago but them still crashing around, having to keep going up to them etc.

I read to all my DC together then give the middle ones different books to look at while I take the eldest to her room and tuck her in. I have a little chat with her then I sit in the room with the middle DC and breastfeed the baby. Within ten minutes they are all asleep. It never occurred to me to 'leave them to it' until they ask for me to do so. Does anyone else do bedtime like this or am I in the minority?

I fed them to sleep as babies, but since then leave them to it (3 and 5). Sometimes they'll settle quickly and quietly, sometimes it will take longer but as long as they're entertaining themselves in a civilized manner I'll leave them to it. Occasionally they might try to get our attention.

I had an early bedtime for my parents' benefit. I'd end up reading by streetlight for an hour or two after. I was resting and had the opportunity to get the sleep I needed which to me is the important part.

If you are putting them to bed at 9 then that's pretty late no wonder they go to sleep quickly. If you put them to bed at 7 then they would try to stay up longer particularly as its light out.

DS is 2.5 - If I sat with my DS he'd be awake for blinking hours. We tried sitting in with him and it was an unmitigated disaster. Chatting, crying, threshing around, he ended up banging his head on the cot repeatedly. After that we left the room and told him "bed time, no more nonsense, go to sleep". He did.

We are too much of a stimulus for him, he now lies for 15/20 or more minutes and sings, chats, makes hand shapes over his head, plays with his soft toy then eventually falls asleep. I agree that they need to be by themselves to fall asleep if they are happy and contented and know we are near. He's never left if he wakes or needs us. (So there's a degree of him asking for water or the toilet but it's usually short lived) We always go to him, always have but bedtime is bedtime.

Bath story left to fall asleep. Zero tolerance for pissing about after put to bed so it didn't happen. That's the way our parents were with us and our sins are the same with their kids. I don't get families who turn going to bed in to a major faff

sibs

You're inventing a problem that isn't there for you.

I don't see why I shouldn't

Do it then. Has anyone actually said you shouldn't?
I think most parents would sit with their children for 10 minutes. Would you still do it if it took 2+hours? A friend of mine does and she's knackered and resents it. My 2.6 year old gets a story in bed then we leave and he's happy to either go to sleep or look at his books on his own, he'd struggle to sleep if we were there. Dd is 11 months and is fed to sleep. We are gradually increasing the amount of milk she has downstairs and reducing the amount upstairs with a view to doing milk then teeth then bed in the next month or so (she has no teeth yet!). I do think it's valuable for dc to be able to go to sleep without a parent there but if it only takes 10 minutes and they're still very young I don't see the issue.

Usually ready to run into traffic by bedtime tbh so they can go upstairs and I'll pretend they're in bed while they destroy the house and eventually everyone ends up asleep and I can stay nice and disengaged .

well, when my kids were roughly the age of yours, it went like this:

youngest (not baby) read story cuddles and kisses, tuck in and leave.
then middle child, read story, cuddles and kisses tuck in and leave
then oldest, read story, cuddles an kisses, tuck in and leave.

bedtimes were 30 mins apart to allow for story.

I agree that it is a great time for talking, but that is nothing to do with leaving or not leaving.

Mine have self settled since they were babies, bedtime routine, then leave then to fall asleep.

I cannot imagine sitting with a 6 year old till they fell asleep.

If it took 10 minutes I would definitely sit with DS but regardless of when I put him to bed he sings and rolls about and chats to his teddy for anything up to an hour. I used to sit in the dark for that hour but have discovered he doesn't care if I'm there or not so now i listen to him signing on the monitor while I'm downstairs.

"asking for water"

I've always left a sports top bottle of water by my DCs' bedside at night. I have water myself by my bed, so I do the same for my DCs.

It sounds like you think your way is perfect op well-done you!

Fwiw I do basically the opposite and it works wonderfully for us as well.

Not rtft but I think there are potential issues if your child ends up reliant on you there in order to sleep - see cooking on gas's comments. I have a friend who does this and it gets longer and longer as they get older and then, when they wake in the night, they can't get back to sleep because they aren't used to doing it alone. Like everything else, you are supposed to train appropriate independence, not dependence. What about when you have friends round or go on holiday together and then have to disappear for an hour to 'get the kids to sleep'? Rods and backs... And ultimately it's not a kindness to your kids. I'd recommend you start to wean them off it - star charts, big girl/bit encouragement and a nice treat after, say, a week of falling asleep without mum.

And to those saying you love it, it's about the children and what's best for them, not what you want, that's paramount.

Nobody gas said you shouldn't sit with your DCs until they fall asleep have, they? If it works for you. - great.

Personally, I don't do this. I did for a while with DD2 but I found my presence actually made it more difficult for her to settle. Now I read her a story, tuck her in and leave her to it. Mostly she falls straight to sleep but sometimes she will play quietly with her toys for a bit or look at her books. I don't go in and out though. It works for us.

• has

9pm and you have to stay sitting with them?

No thanks. Bed at 7.30 here and they're generally asleep by 7.45. I need my evenings. But if it's working for you, great.

Now mine are older (10 and 12), I look back and think "thank goodness I never got into the habit of staying upstairs till they went to sleep)". It means either DH or I or both (with babysitter) can go out in the evenings confident they'll go to bed by themselves, or that they'll go off happily when we are busy with stuff downstairs, go on sleepovers, cub camps etc no bother. I have friends with DCs the same age who still have to sit with them in their rooms for ages every evening and heartily regret getting into this habit.

I have never sat with my kids until they go to sleep. I think it's really important to teach them to sleep without Mum present. What happens on the first occasion you can't sit with them because you're ill or not there?

You have screaming tantrums worthy of Supernanny.

Much better to do the bedtime routine, put them to bed, kiss them goodnight and leave the room.

OP why did you post this on AIBU? You clearly don't actually wonder that. How have you come this far in parenting, and life, without realizing that everyone does things differently and what works for you may not work for everyone? I get that you're looking for people to tell you that you've got it all figured out, but what I don't understand is why you need that. Your system works well and you and your kids are happy with it, which should be sufficient validation. (Cue OP citing scores of friends and family who have scorned her bedtime routines, a description of which OP offered in casual conversation with no trace of smugness.)

What you do isn't weird OP but it isn't the gold standard either. You have made the common mistake of thinking if only other parents did what you do they would have children who sleep/eat/behave.
For all you know the parents on Facebook had sat with their children for an hour and still they weren't asleep.

I USED to sit with mine when they took ten minutes. Then they started to stay awake for HOURS. So I ditched them.

They change OP...your routine won't stay like that.

Gold standard? Because there is a gold standard on how to out kids to bed??

You just do whatever works best for you and your dcs. As long as they learn to fall asleep on their own by the time they are 15yo, you'll be fine.

Yes Narky I'd still stay if they wanted me to. It only takes ten minutes at most so I don't see the problem.

But surely ten mins of sitting with them is easier than the stress of moaning at them Dinosaur?

You sound quite smug and unimaginative.

Not all children are the same!

Nobody in I don't know how many generations and branches of my family has ever had one of these magical 'asleep in ten minutes' children.

Luckily mine have been early readers and not boisterous types, because I wouldn't have appreciated dealing with 'crashing around' at bedtime.

Worrying about FB accounts of other people's parenting is a dead end hobby, honestly.

Dsis in law does this with her 3 year old. My dm was amazed when she came to stay. She was upstairs for ages. Dm and I both have or have had 3 dc so no chance.