to ask if this is a weird way to 'do' kids bedtime?

[alificent]

After browsing Facebook and reading other threads on here tonight, I've noticed lots of people saying about having put the kids to bed ages ago but them still crashing around, having to keep going up to them etc.

I read to all my DC together then give the middle ones different books to look at while I take the eldest to her room and tuck her in. I have a little chat with her then I sit in the room with the middle DC and breastfeed the baby. Within ten minutes they are all asleep. It never occurred to me to 'leave them to it' until they ask for me to do so. Does anyone else do bedtime like this or am I in the minority?

Mine are 6 and 8 and I lie in bed with them until they are sleeping it's my favourite part of the day. They tell me little tidbits about their day, or about things that are bothering them, that I don't get to hear at any other time. If it goes on for too long though I leave them to drop off on their own. Having said this I'm probably going to be told by my eldest to get lost at bedtime within the next year, he's growing up!

I couldn't do that. My DD knows bedtime is bedtime. I tuck her in, read a short story then leave. She settles herself and it works. I think once they're past the baby stage then they need to learn to settle themselves.

What you are doing is fine. It sounds very homely and inclusive. I think everyone does it different, depending on what works for them; I read or am read to by DC, tuck in, kiss and wish good night. Then leave DC to it. BUT I leave the doors between our rooms open.

My eldest goes to sleep himself but reads for a while etc.

Youngest is 5 and I read her a story then sit for 10 mins or so until she's properly asleep. I don't mind it, quite like it actually.

My dd is terrible for going to sleep. No matter what I do she is awake for ages. If i stay upstairs with her she drives me halfway insane so I leave her to it. That way at least i can preserve a smidgen of sanity through the bedtime 'routine'

With babysitters my dd knows it's a different scenario and babysitter might read her a book/play a game downstairs then she knows she has to go upstairs get ready, do her teeth etc and go to sleep (the bedtime is always agreed before we leave so dd and babysitter know the deal).

Do whatever works for you.
I used to do read, 1 song , g'nite. But there were times when something was bugging them, they couldn't sleep, and I'd sing softly till they were fast asleep grateful to my middle school music teacher for the extensive repertoire!

There's a page on Facebook, 'sanctimommy'. Check it out, OP, you should so be on it.

I've tried sitting with my DD (5 years old) while she falls asleep and it takes 4 hours. 4 fucking hours. No way would I do that every night, sure way to drive me insane. I put her to bed, remind her its time to sleep every time she shouts or comes out of her room, and wait desperately for her to fall asleep so I can go to bed without fear of having to get out of bed ten times. She falls asleep a lot quicker without me there (still at least an hour, but I guess insomnia is hereditary?)

I don't care if it's weird, I stay with the kids until they're asleep. If they're breastfed I bf them to sleep if they like (as long as no other factors at play), or not if they don't.
'self soothing' is a pernicious myth, it's just non signalling waking and that's not something i wish to encourage. I'm happy that my kids call me and get me when they need me.
They're a long time grown and gone.

I take ds1 and 2 upstairs, read story in ds1's room, then go into ds2's room and feed him to sleep. On the rare occasion ds1 is still awake I will sit with him until he's asleep.
Each to their own!

I do read to the kids the eldest goes off herself but the others are read/talked to and cuddles this are precious years we can't do it when they are 18!!!!

I read your post last night sitting on a gym ball in the landing while the kids went to sleep, they can both see me from their beds and I wait until they are asleep before I move.

It might seem mad to do it that way, but after having a bad sleeper who almost killed us with lack of sleep until he was 6, this current system is a dream! I would stand on my head if it helped!

I wait until they are asleep and then I am free. I have been talking to friends and family in the evenings on the phone with children constantly wandering in and out of their rooms, and getting back up and I hear the parents hissing at them to go back to bed over and over until about 10pm and no way could I stick that annoyance.
Our eldest would never stop coming out of his bed, he would be roaming around at 6am if I didn't make sure he was asleep!

I think whatever works and gets them to sleep is the right way.

I know a parent who does the same as you.

Problem is, she is still doing it and her child is now 9! Child is so used to it that she struggles to sleep without mum beside her. It can be a hard habit to break.

I am strict with my younger ones about bed times. You go to bed and you don't get up unless you need to pee. You can read if you can't sleep but you don't mess around. Of course they tried their luck when they were much younger but being consistent helped and it didn't take them long to listen to me. I have lots of children though, so sitting with them all would never have worked.

I sometimes sit in with mine for 1/2 hour, if I have time. It's a lovely time to chat. I manage it maybe 2 or 3 times a week. The general rule is that once they're in bed, if they come out for anything other than the toilet then there is no screen time the next day. Works a treat for us.

OK. I will happily don a bad parent hat and sit in the corner indefinitely if someone can tell me how to get my 9yo to sleep without traumatising us both.

She wants me there. She stresses herself about it being late, and that she can't get to sleep, and that she's going to be tired the next morning (as she duly is). I have tried a white noise type machine (not actually white noise, assorted sleep therapy soundtracks). I have tried tough love (DH's preferred approach). I have trying to teach her how to relax, giving her other things to think about (A to Z of ), telling her it's downtime and not sleep that matters and that it's fine if she reads.

She hasn't always been like this but it's crippling right now. She won't go for sleepovers because it would mean going to sleep without me. She weeps and wails if I am away for work.

I'm not proud - all help gratefully received!

All about routine and sticking to time. We have dinner, bath, stories then bed. Its always been that way.

Stealth, what time is she going to bed? Does she get lots of exercise and get fresh air after school? Has she tried having a warm bath before bed? Milky drink before bed? Does she go to sleep easily with you, or is it still tricky? Does she have screen time, and when is it turned off before bedtime? Does she drink tea or coffee or coke or anything that might give her caffeine? 20 questions, you've probably thought of it all!

It sounds like it's become a real stress thing for her, worrying about getting to sleep is a sure way not to. So I'd be compromising anything that can be compromised to try to make bedtime happy and easy for a while, then think again about doing it on her own.

(My kids are younger though, what do I know...)

Stealth can't advise from the parenting side as I only have a baby but I was very like your daughter so I can tell you what helped me.

I was a terrible worried and my mum bought me a diary (it had photos of animals - I remember it really clearly). I wrote my thoughts on it, how my day had been or what I was worried about and my mum would read it if I wanted and we'd talk about it. Then it was lights out but the door open and bathroom light on so not too dark and I had a tape with stories.

I definitely remember stressing I was up too late. My mum told me that lying quietly with my eyes shut listening to my stories was "as good as sleeping" - that really helped me relax.

I must tell my mum how grateful I am for all her care actually, she spent quite a lot of time in the dark sitting by my bed! I love her so much and am eternally grateful and I'm sure your daughter will be too in 30 years!

There's no right or wrong it just depends upon the parent and what works for you.

Great if your DC go to bed and faff on and great if you stay until they sleep.

Do you work OP?

Stealth I'd get her a TV in her bedroom. I'd let her watch a dvd everynight as long as once she's in bed she doesn't get back out. Any messing around and crying for you means no film for the following evening.

Probably the opposite of what MN will say but I'll bet it works for her.

Thanks for all suggestions - will consider and respond properly later. She goes to bed at about 8:30pm, does loads of sport, and is definitely tired. I agree it's stressing about getting to sleep that stops her getting to sleep - I just need to work out how to break the cycle

Do what you like as long as there is some kind of predictable pattern to it, and they get enough sleep, plus you enjoy it.

Splendide - "I definitely remember stressing I was up too late. My mum told me that lying quietly with my eyes shut listening to my stories was "as good as sleeping" - that really helped me relax."

Yep. Tried that. I tell her that repeatedly. I don't think she believes me . I did ask her about story CDs this evening but just got a wail about the only stories that worked being the ones that I read to her . I do read to her, every night, and don't have any problem continuing that. It's the not wanting me to leave her afterwards that I need to stop.

Fingers crossed for tonight anyway. In bed, story done, no word from her for a while.....