I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

I think it's more about eating someone's leftover food from their plate. If you wanted some bread you should've ordered some rather than acting like a human dustbin.

I am the same height as op and was constantly told I was fat when I was between 8.5 stone and 9 stone 3 (wore a size 6-8) (narrow shoulders and hips).
Now I AM fat. Actually fat, size 18 (after twins and bereavement) and guess what? No-one ever (ever!) mentions my weight now. It's almost as if telling slimmish attractive women they're fat is a tool to keep them from getting ideas above their station, isn't it?

Well said kate and bibbity. I can't understand why a person's weight isn't left as their business.

OP, you aren't overweight by any stretch of the imagination, but even if you were, it doesn't mean that your food choices should invite rude comment from family members, or you be interrogated by other posters along the lines of are you sure you aren't fat? Really? I'm very slim and fit you know. Be like meeeeee

Knobcheeses, the lot of 'em

I think it's more about eating someone's leftover food from their plate. If you wanted some bread you should've ordered some rather than acting like a human dustbin

For real? Why? What is wrong with finishing someone's food if they can't eat it all? So she's a human dustbin if she eats someone's bread that they didn't finish but not if she eats the same amount of bread that she ordered herself? Yeah, that makes sense.

Running it is bad manners.

I agree with Proteus

I agree it's bad manners but not in the context the OP describes.

It might be bad manners if you don't ask and just take a chunk of food off someone's plate. I can't see how it's rude if you either ask or eat something that someone else has clearly left. No wonder there's so much food wastage if people think like this. Even if it was bad manners, why would you imply that someone was fat for doing it? Surely you would tell them they were rude instead?

Proteus I'm fat and reality checks can be useful sometimes from people you love and who love you, but not from someone who thinks the size 8 and not fat op needs one. I'm part of the obesity problem, the op is not and you sound rude.

Seeing OP scavenging for food from another plate may have made her look like she is greedy or lacks self restraint and therefore may become fat in the future rather than that she is fat now.

Proteus

She may be a bit senile or just a rude cow. Your weight and activity levels sound great!

glassgarden but op isn't overweight even by the flawed bmi standards

FFS not every person of a particular height has the same ideal weight. Also ideal weight and healthy weight range are not the same thing.

FWIW I reckon if OP had said she had s BMI of 20 / 21 she would have been asked if she started the thread as a stealth boast

Older relative was rude regardless. I've been there. Elderly relative hadn't seen me in a year or so and greeted me with 'my God you've piled on the beef'. I was 20, 5' and about 8 stone. Someone will be along shortly to tell me I must've been lardy...

Yes I think you'd be unreasonable to not see her again. She's your DH grandmother, adores your DD and isn't in good health so why wouldn't you see her again let it go!

Yes she was rude but she is DH grandmother and sometimes I think it's a generation thing my grandma was like it " have to watch your weight or you won't get married dear" then I get married and it changes to " dear shouldn't be eating that DH won't want a larger wife" to me they are throw away comments and I know I am not fat and I'm comfortable my size. My grandma is a fabulous woman but very old fashioned with the way wifes should be.

Size 8, 18 or 28. Size or weight doesn't give anyone the right to say 'not watching your figure then?'

She's elderly you say? Then she should know better. Clearly she has lost some decency and diplomacy along the way to old age.

Proteus - FFS. I can't believe you said she's nearly overweight. She's a size 8! It's people like you that cause people to have eating disorders.

OP, ignore her, some people just don't think about other people's feeling.

Pmsl at "scavenging for food from another plate"

Yes like some sort of starved bread vulture.

I'm 5ft 4ins, weigh about 9st 3lb and am generally in size 10/12 jeans but wear 12-14 tops. I often shop in Next too.

No idea what my BMI is, I was told a few months back but it goes in one ear and out the other.

The thing is, I'm an old gimmer of nearly 50 and have a bit of Middle aged spread forming - unlike OP I have skinny legs so I'm carrying everything around my tummy.

I'm not very fit either, so "muscle" is not entering into the equation.

I've completely forgotten what my point was now, but bloody hell I've written that all out and thought I'd share.

Quite simply she projects - all those things she says are her problems, her hang-ups, shows a complete lack of self-awareness.

*No, you're not all 'missing the point', those of you eager to inform OP she's not a size 8.

You're telling her she's wrong and is kidding herself with your faux 'surprise' about her clothes size. And it's rude.*

^^ this. I fucking hate when posters do this.

If she was actually really skinny she wouldn't feel so upset by it.

I am "really skinny", due to years if an ED and my (now ex) dentist taking a guess at my body fat freaked me out for weeks. Some of your comments, and a few others on this thread, just seem completely unnecessary to me.

Surely the message we should be giving the OP is that she's healthy and to ignore ignore ignore, unless she's of a mind to challenge challenge challenge?

I'm an old gimmer of nearly 50
How very dare you😱
I am 50 and 50 is young😎
Infact 50 is the new 19😇😝

I've an older female relative who always makes remarks about my hair, I am very happy with my hair so it doesn't make me feel insecure about my appearance
But I do wonder why, it feels as if she resents me and wants to put me down

FFS proteus you really dont get it do you? You may be perfectly healthy, toned, stunning and beautiful but your social skills make you present as a huge big gaping arsehole. Well done you!

And as for the grandmother- she's pure rude but not as bad as my cousins DH's grandmother who refers to her in front of her as 'colossal' and gargantuan. Some people are just cunts, as this thread illustrates perfectly...