I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

... and timelytess has provided some very effective one-liners for you, Postman.

I'm not commenting about your weight, which is what your OP is mostly focused on because it's actually irrelevant, your body is your body.

Have now read that your daughter was off playing so my comment about taking the bread off her plate was out of order, sorry Postman. I really should have RTFTF, not just your OP.

She's defending her because she IS her. Or will be, in a few decades.

kate I'm responding to the majority of posts on the thread that are pushing various myths such as

• you're overweight because you go to the gym and are muscly
• you can't be fat by definition because you're a size 8

These are unhealthy myths to promote. look around you, the UK does not need more women to buy into this fatlogic.

No you were not Proteus

I agree there are many myths around weight loss but on your very first post you were shockingly rude to and about the OP and there really was no need at all for it.

thestoic sadly times have changed. The % of the UK population that is overweight and obese is skyrocketing

In a few decades we will all be feeling the full impact of that as a society.

But by all means promote the idea that the worst thing in the world is a bit of reality check about weight and food

Look I have taken what many of you have said on board, my op was a bit self indulgent on reflection and as I've said my diet isn't the best but I rely on exercise. However I don't think posting on a forum to get advice is a worse idea than blowing up and starting a family row when, as I think many will agree, I was being sensitive and now I have a very full range of opinions and will let it wash over me in future. I do think some of you are being a little harsh though, I get it as my op and title are worded badly so possibly invited more criticism than necessary, I do appreciate the responses though

The op is not overweight, however much you desperately want her to be Proteus. And even if she was, by a little or a lot, the grandmother's comment was at best thoughtless.

I do think you overreacted slightly, op, but then again I am someone who has boycotted a member of my dh's family because he made a similar comment to me 15 years ago . Never seen the stupid man since.

OP where do you shop for clothes? I'm 5ft, 8stone 9 and have to buy size 12.

Today's size 8 is a (pre obesity epidemic) size 12
Back then a size 12 was 'normal and average', when it was normal and average to be slim

Today normal and average is fat

Op is not overweight or obese Proteus.

Everyone knows obesity is rising.

No one needs a reality check from you.

Why don't you start your own thread entitled Anyone fancy being lectured on obesity and bmi? I'm your expert

I quite often go to next - their sizing is extremely generous

God this thread is depressing. So fucking what if you're lighter than op and a bigger size. Everyone carries weight differently. Women can be so bitchy.

OP just think 'fuck it' I am learning many (not all) old people are miserable whiny fuckers this may be related to my own GM and elderly neighbours and just don't deserve comment or the energy of a reply.

Thanks, popping into town later to go to the bank, Next is next door so will have a look.

But Proteus, even taking your points into account, she is not overweight. Her BMI is under 25. She would not have been overweight 10 or 20 or 30 years ago either. The BMI scale has not changed. So I can't understand the point of your comment suggesting she WAS fat.

Oh and believe me, nobody who is obese wears a size 8. You can harp on about vanity sizing all you like. Yes, there might have been a change since 25-30 years ago, but not 10 years ago. I still have clothes from 10 years ago and there has been no big change in dress size. If the OP had a BMI of 30, I could understand your point. However, she is NOT obese or even overweight so nobody should be making any comment about not eating bread.

Hilarious people debating your size...as op works out so much it's likely a lot of her weight is made up of muscle which is much smaller and heavier than fat. Which is why bmi isn't a very good way of indicating someone's health. A better way is checking that your waist circumference is less than half your height.

Avoid Karen millen though- tiny! I went up to nearly 12 stone post dd1 and never got bigger clothes size than a twelve though, must carry weight very differently

The issue is that as a society we need to make it easier for people to make healthier choices. I've had a weight problem all my life but in the last year or so have been in the healthy weight range (around 9 stone 5 at 5 foot 3) for the first time since my early 20s (44 now). The problem is that I have a much worse body image problem now than I did when I was younger and larger. Comments like Proteus' don't help the large group like me who have made huge strides to improve their health. It feels like people keep moving the goalposts and saying unless you are perfect and go to the gym umpteen times a week you aren't good enough. It would be nice if we could celebrate that lots of people are striving to make change and celebrate it. For me I've improved my physical health no end but my mental health not so much.

One one hand, an individual's weight is their business and nobody else's and I just don't understand the totally fake moral outrage which is used as an excuse to bitch at anyone who may have eaten a cake in the past decade.
However, on the other hand I love rude old ladies and hope to be one myself one day. I always respond in kind or point out their rudeness. i know several who make this kind of comment because they want to start an argument- I suppose it brightens up their day and makes a change from being patronised.

but by all means promote the idea that the worst thing in the world is a bit of reality check about weight and food.

I said no such thing. I said people like you are incredibly boring.

Coming on a thread to say to a stranger 'You're not overweight, but.....you might be soon' is possibly the single most pointless way to spend one's time.

Today's size 8 is a (pre obesity epidemic) size 12

Back then a size 12 was 'normal and average', when it was normal and average to be slim

This. I am wearing size 10s in some cases as 12's are too baggy. I am 5ft4ins and 10.9 stone.

When I was at uni over 10 years ago and weighed 8 stone 5 at this height I found size 8s tight and bought 10s.

Being a size 8 in this day and age means nothing. I can get 10s on and I wore size 10s when I was 8 stone in my early 20s and they were not too big by any means.

op works out so much it's likely a lot of her weight is made up of muscle which is much smaller and heavier than fat

Muscle IS nearly twice as dense as fat and male bodybuilders routinely have enough muscle that they have a body mass index over 25 whilst having low body fat.

However, women are rarely able to gain sufficient muscle mass to be 'overweight' whilst still having low body fat....the ceiling for muscle mass in women is pretty low no matter how much strength training they do.

hey proteus go check this out and you'll see women wear different sizes even at the same weight and height. None of them are fat but they all carry their weight different. Some have whacking great boobs that make their waists appear smaller. others are straight up and down. Some ladies have very large bums that make them look bigger even though they all wear a size 8.

www.mybodygallery.com/index.html#.V1vc4hMrLnA

Actually, for you ladies who are struggling with body image this may help you too. There are all kinds of ladies carrying weight in different ways :)

No idea why people are judging OP's dress size by her measurements. I'm 5"4 and 59kg but still a size 6 because of muscle weight.