I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

the clothes size thing is bollocks

i am a 6-8 in max mara
a 12 in zara

it's not the point anyway. the OP is not fat/obese. the old lady was rude. but old ladies can be rude. just learn to smile sweetly whilst inwardly thinking "silly bitch, go and soak your teeth".

Agree (still) with proteus.

There seems to be a lot of confusion/ denial as to how muscle can give a higher bmi. To put it into context, Serena Williams bmi is around 22, Venus around 19-20. Sp despite having very low body fat, their build and muscle mass give them a higher bmi than the average build, average muscle, woman would have with the same low body fat.

And let's be honest, while some women are bigger built, and/or carry more muscle, and some might be the same, the vast majority of women do not have physiches like that. And the sooner we stop pretending that bmi's close to, or just over, are all easily explained by build and muscle, and therefore indicate a healthy body fat %, the healthier we'll all be.

And no, that isn't a sly way of trying to insult op or anyone else. The point is that people larger than that, and who unlike op are overweight, can easily convince themselves they are a healthy slim weight. and don't have unhealthy levels of body fat, and so on right up to the point where weight becomes a serious health problem.

Scavenging for food from another plate. Like some sort of starved bread vulture

Blimey Marmalade, bringing your own issues to the thread much?

The OP took a bit of her DD's bread, after she had finished with it.

You make her sound as though she was going from table to table, stealing food from stranger's plates or something

You can look less than you weigh. I am ten stone, five foot five, and I wear a ten.

I have struggled with weight issues/illness/mh issues and I have cut down contact with a friend after a nasty weight related comment. I took seconds at dinner and she said 'it's good to see you're fully over your eating disorder' then laughed uproariously. It was foul, especially as the friend in question has a history of mental illness, and made me feel really crap.

How utterly obsessed about weight do you have to be to tell a perfectly slim, fit, healthy and more importantly happy-about-her-body woman that she's got a potential weight problem?

How utterly mean spirited would you need to be?

Life must be a right old joy for anyone on that camp?

Some of the posts on this thread are ridiculously bitchy to the point of (almost) laughable.

Regardless of what your personal nitpicking opinions are on bmi/weight etc - and it has been pointed out multiple times the OP is well within healthy range - it is still rude as fuck to say what the grandmother did!

I think there could be a generational thing going on here.

My Grandmother (RIP) would often comment on how much I was eating and how it was no wonder I couldn't loose weigh. I'm 5 foot 5, 8 stone 10 and very fit, but to my Grandmother I was big (she was a tiny, 5 foot 1 and six and a half stone).

My grandmother wasn't alone, I've found that a lot of older people who lived through the war and rationing were quite shocked by how much bigger subsequent generations were.

Easier just to nod, smile and ignore.

And I have to add that dress sizes are a poor way to judge ones size, with sizing inflation and wild differences between shops, it means nothing now.

If fat-shamers really cared about the health of overweight people (or public health in general) they would shut the fuck up about overweight people, because fat-shaming doesn't work, and is in fact counter-productive. Fat-shamers know this, but they like to feel superior so they continue to criticise, while pretending to be concerned about health.

Simple really!

Some people weight heavier than others. I've been medically underweight, whilst I'll, but I was still between 7.5-8.5 stones, I'm 5'3. I've never been smaller than a size 10, (I am now, in vanity size shops).

I attend a gym, it's mainly MMA, none of the Women weigh less than 9 stone, even at 5'1", they carry no body fat, though.

You can be lean, but heavy.

Hope you're ok now travelling It was probably just a daft throwaway comment your friend made and then she laughed out of nervousness at saying the potentially wrong thing - particularly if she has her own mh issues going on.

OP tried a few clothes on in Next. I must have got fat arms . The elasticated waist trousers, size 8 did fit but were fitted around the ankles and looked all wrong

Pmsl at "scavenging" and "obesity epidemic" and all the hairy bolleaux spouted by Proteus et al.

OP, the old lady is rude. Maybe she's always been thus or maybe she's losing her tact and inhibitions as the result of dementia. Either way, I'd smile a trifle patronisingly at her and let it wash over me. Clearly you're not fat.

The post that shocked me though was clarrrp's.

"As for pinching bit of food - my missus and I (and our friends) steal each other's food all the time - the three second rule for us is 'if it's on your plate you have three seconds to eat it or it's fair game' "

I. WOULD. KILL.

Dress sizes mean very little. Especially if you are shopping in Next which is the worst place for vanity sizing. But to comment on someone's appearance negatively is just plain rude, whether they are big small or medium. And that includes commenting on height (pause for squinty eyed look at all the posters who have declared 5'1" to be 'tiny'). However to say 'I'm a size 8 so I'm not fat' is wrong too. Are you implying that the people in this thread who have posted that they are bigger sizes are fat? Are you implying that people the same height as you who are size 2 4 or 6 are too thin? Dress size has no relevance to fatness thinness heaviness or lightness. Especially the next version of dress sizes.

Hear hear Adjustable. It's all meant in a self-congratulatory way. As though being slim were some sort of moral victory.

It's just a bit of bread, ffs

lurked ^
And no, that isn't a sly way of trying to insult op or anyone else. The point is that people larger than that, and who unlike op are overweight, can easily convince themselves they are a healthy slim weight. and don't have unhealthy levels of body fat, and so on right up to the point where weight becomes a serious health problem.^

Exactly. That is how vanity sizing works. And it has disenfranchised a whole swathe of people who can now no longer buy clothes from many high street shops because they are all just too damn big.

Oh Christ the word fat in the title brought out all the usual suspects.

Have a word with yourselves.

Uhtred I sincerely hope you don't mean my post. I was just curious to find where people who are the same size as myself shop. Perhaps the clothes are a better fit and more flattering than the ones I try on in other shops.

So curious you took time out of your Saturday!

"You don't believe in watching your weight then "

"No I'm lucky it doesn't matter what I eat I never put on an ounce " said with a smile and then another bite .

Frankly that's how I used to deal with that comment ..... I certainly wouldn't have lost any sleep over a comment that could have been taken either way anyway

I'm lucky that I can do exactly what I want and do what I please. I don't work Saturday or Sunday, I've got no children and no plans today so I wouldn't say I took time out of my Saturday to ask about clothes In fact I might just go and make a cake or lemon curd or just lie on the settee because I can!

So curious you took time out of your Saturday!

What people do with their time is their choice. Isn't it?

And it has disenfranchised a whole swathe of people who can now no longer buy clothes from many high street shops because they are all just too damn big.

Well it can't be a very big swathe, considering the Obesity Epidemic (TM).

I don't know who that was aimed at but 2 of my kids are revising, the third is at a rehearsal, and my DH is out. So what if I choose to look at MN? Sure, I could be doing some music myself, or go shopping (but, no £) but I just finished my book and I'm not sure what I want to read next and I've already done the crossword and today's brain training tasks (addicted to them, so I am) so I thought I'd take a look at MN. Sue me. I'm sure when the kids want food or when DH gets back I will have plenty of things to occupy my time. Just not right now.

Stoic - clearly most people in the country aren't obese. Despite what the papers would have us believe. Most people are just fine. I do know plenty of people who find that vanity sizing has sized them out of the shops though. And they aren't all members of my own (admittedly small of stature) family. And it certainly pisses me off that suddenly I'm too small for high street clothes when if anything I'm bigger than I was a few years back (middle aged spread etc).