I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

Exactly. The OP's size is irrelevant, the bitchy comments from the relative are pertinent.

Helena I have name changed but I started a thread Re Gp and Consultant treatment. Well I saw consultant and I am getting my op despite me still being just obese.
I have found this thread upsetting though. I have a sister who was a healthy size 14 but with huge boob's. Someone made a comment about her weight. Cue years of bulimia and anaroxia (sp). She is now 5ft 4 and probably weights just under 8stone. Yeti s she healthy? No. Her teeth are trashed due go the bulimia as is her spine. She is also malnourished due to her limited food choices. My diet was better than hers even when I weighed 14 stone.

All the people, especially rushing to tell OP she's not fat and therefore it's fine..even if she was overweight she would still be fine.

No idea why I said especially there

Im glad you are getting your op Highland Im sorry about your sister.

I dunno. True, the old woman should be ignored no matter what as it was rude, regardless of OP's body shape.

Still, Truth has historically been a defence in defamation cases, too. If someone called me fat, I'd not just focus on their rudeness, I'd also think, hang on a bloody minute, I am NOT though! Given the pieces of work who started laying into OP ON THIS THREAD telling her she must be, gasp, bigger than Size 8 and fat fat FATTY fat, of course others are going to say that that this is bollocks. It doesn't follow that the old lady would have been right to make such remarksif the OP had been larger.

Some of the comments on this thread are downright nasty.

I'm 5 foot 2, weigh 10 st 7 (oh the horror) and wear a 12 in most shops 14 in others. I've still got some way to go before I feel comfortable with myself, but how I feel will be my benchmark, not BMI. I am overweight, but I've lost almost 3 stone recently and seeing someone imply that one of a similar height to me is almost overweight at 9st 3 is really fucking depressing.

You can be very healthy and a stone over weight although most of us don't want to be. For average height UK women of about 5 foot 4 8 stone to about 10 stone is normal and healthy weight but you probably look better in a bikini between 8 and 9 stone. Under 8 stone is not good for your health and nor is over about 10.5 and 11 stone. I don't think anyone needs to tell us this - we see it by looking in the mirror.

Most people who try to lose weight and watch their weight (whcih is probably most people in the UK as 60% are over weight now) do not get nor have eating disorders. The 60% who are over weight probably should try to get back to a healthy weight.

I'm so glad the older generations of my family come from a culture where they like to fatten you up and feed you (I think it shows wealth?) we don't get any of this bullshit over lunch, now pass the malfouf 'yalla!'

It may show wealth in your culture of origin Zoom, but in modern western culture there is a negative correlation between adiposity and socioeconomic status

That's very recent though.

Sure but its the milieu in which we exist now
The fact that plump used to = rich just shows that the conditions under which we live have changed

Then again in some respects maybe things havent changed, poor health has probably always been correlated with low socio economic status, in other times the wealthy were plump and well nourished, the poor ate poor quality food which pretty disposed them to health problems.

These days the poor eat poor quality food which predisposes them to health problems via obesity

Obviously Im talking in a general sense...it wont apply for every individual but there is a correlation at a population level.

I du

Sorry must clarify that the attitude doesn't apply to me in the slightest- I was born and raised in Britain in a very western way (I don't associate plump with wealth at all)

I don't agree that either attitudes are great

In my families case, it was to make the women of the family more desirable to potential suitors for marraige

In the OP's case it sounds like dieting and 'looking good for their husband' was another way to celebrate women's obedience

I keep faffing my lines- 'I don't have that attitude at all'

user146 from your statement that most people who try to lose weight do not have an eating disorder, you seem to have the common misconception that people with eating disorders must be underweight/anorexic. Not true. I believe that a significant proportion of people who are obese and certainly morbidly obese (not 'overweight' per BMI definition) are suffering with eating disorders, most often binge eating disorder.

Wtf has how someone looks in a bikini got to do with anything? I'm very much in favour of people being more realistic about what constitutes slim, and therefore being able to make changes before they are in the unhealthy group. But how somebody looks, let alone in a bikini, is irrelevant, and possibly the last reason anyone should worry about their weight.

I do care about the fact we're encouraging being overweight because our perception is skewed, and because it's considered taboo to even discuss. But I don't give a flying fuck about the appearance aspect.

Agreed lurked. As though 'looking good in a bikini" were even an objective criterion.

It's just a useful method of seeing quickly (naked then if you don't like bikinis) if you've put on weight or not same with can you get into your usual jeans. I was just saying it's pretty obvious when we put on weight or not but that of course does not mean relatives should comment on it which is very rude of them.

user im 5 foot 5 and 11 stone. (i used to be 21 stone) i dont see bikini wearing as one of lifes priorities and if thats all you have to worry about you must have had a pretty lucky life.

Luckily i feel confident and good enough about myself to see your comment for what it is.......a very narrow margin that women are expected to conform too.
Ive worked damn hard to get where i am and havent comfort ate for many years and i sometimes do wonder if that is actually what is behind remarks like this (after all if ppl do overeat and gain weight or regain weight they have lost that then continues to provide you with ppl you can continue to feel superior to.) I suspect motives like this are behind a lot of these kinds of comments.

We have had a few ppl join the SW group because they want to lose weight to look good in a bikini They always drop out after a few weeks because they realise the weight isnt going to fall off at 6 pounds a week every week. There is too much emphasis on SPEEDY weight loss.

I went into it knowing it was a long term thing and didnt do it for some distant mythical special occasion that was going to happen in the future.

I havent been on holiday since 1993. And if i did i would rather go and sightsee rather than lie on a beach accelerating my skins aging process.

Thats another thing user Im told by men and women that i look a lot younger than i am and avoiding beaches and the sun has likely contributed to that.

Right now im in a much happier place than i was years ago but that wont be the case for everyone and the comments about weight on here seem to get worse with each passing week. There is too much goalpost moving too ensuring that women will never reach that mythical perfect weight/dress size/figure.

Are you sure that your DH's grandmother doesn't have dementia? This could explain her comments.

She's your husband's grandmother, therefore likely an old lady. Just ignore her. Totally rude, but even worse to pick a fight with an old woman about something so trivial.

First time I met my now DH's Grandmother she remarked that I wasn't the first he'd brought to meet her and I certainly wouldn't be the last. I found it hilarious, an example of how rude you get to be when you're elderly. She passed away aged 100 after attending my wedding and meeting her great grand daughters. Still miss the old bat.

Sorry, not RTFT but have to defend OP. BMI is a useless calculation for anyone who does a lot of exercise/has a lot of muscle. I weigh 10 st 2, am 5 ft 4 and am a size 10. I run three times a week and walk everywhere. I have a lot of muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. Surely PPs must have heard of 'half the England rugby team are obese by BMI standards' comments. Muscle weighs more than fat.

I haven't always exercised and used to be very sedentary. As a result, I was bigger in size when actually I weighed less than I do now!

I think you should still continue to see her but totally call her out on it when she next makes a comment. She is rude and disrespectful. Well done you for having such a sensible and healthy lifestyle