I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

I wasn't laughing. I'm not fat, if I sit up properly, but not as skinny as I used to be either. I do wear padded bras and imo they make you look fuller. Without them I'd be a good thermometer iykwim

I'm always confused about the 'vanity sizing' comments on here. Like a PP I have a lot of old clothes (10 years and more). Their sizing is no different from ones I buy now. As for 'large' numbers of women being unable to buy from the high street because of it that really confuses me. DD is slim. Very slim. Much slimmer than I was in the 80s (when I was a 12-14, so again I'd say comparable sizing). She wears size 8-10. I don't see many women smaller than her and most high street shops stock size 6. Where are all these super thin women?
BMI was designed as a population measure - for good public health the population average should be in the healthy range (whatever that is given research about health in the overweight range). It has little, if anything, to say about individual weight/health issues.
OP your relative was rude, although less so than some posters on here, but it isn't worth upsetting everyone about.

NarkyKnockers and I am 11 st 4, same height as you and wear a 10-12 and have a 27 in waist. So I am 2 st heavier than you and we wear the same size. Go figure- people carry weight differently.

Cardibach vanity sizing happened more than 10 years ago. I have some size 8 jeans from 1983 and they are a 24 inch waist. Sizes seemed to change in the late 90s.

Cardibach - Vanity sizing is definitely a Thing. I'm a size 10 in modern parlance. But my MIL tried to lend me a beautiful vintage dress for a party, in a size 12. I couldn't get it past my thighs. (she'd bought it in the 80s, I think).

The last pair of jeans I bought were a size 8 (Next) and I'm a 10 in Topshop. I can't buy clothes in the worst offenders - the likes of Fat Face and White Stuff - as even their 8s tend to be huge.

Typical MN where one of the first responses is someone telling the OP that if they had her BMI they'd look simply horrendous. So boring.

Re. the actual issue OP, the rude relative, well by the sounds of things she's not going to be around for much longer (so there's that to cheer your spirits ). She sounds like one of those specimens who take pleasure in making other people anxious and discomfited. Just give her a cold, dead eyed stare. They work smashingly I find!

We've lost sight of what normal weight looks like.

I did a search to see if this sentence came up. It always does. It's up there with 'your fertility falls off a cliff after 35' for well worn MN phrases.

Yes, running and Uhtred - I know posters say this stuff. I'm saying I don't get it. I have clothes from the 80s. They don't fit me now because I am overweight. I was a size 12/14 in the 80s. Clothes I have DD steals as she's a vintage kind of girl. They are oversized on her size 8/10 frame. I bought her some vintage 80s Levi 501s. They are a 10. The same size as she buys in Top Shop now. Why is our experience so different? I know proportions have been altered on sizes because even slim people have relatively larger waists/smaller boobs than in the past, but actual sizes? Not my experience.
And I don't know why that all went bold (typing on the ap) but I can't make it change back so it'll have to do.

It doesn't matter what fucking size you are, you buy what fits you and only your bezzies and rude people ask you your size. You don't wear the number on your arse.

Vanity sizing arguments are tedious.

And do nothing to detract from the rudeness of the OP's GMIL

We have lost sight of what polite looks like.

I don't know why your experience is different but perhaps the change hasn't been so stark in bigger sizes? Like I said. My 1983 best jeans in the history of the world (hence I still have them, I will never let them go they will be praised out of my cold dead hands) have a 24 in waist and are clearly marked size 8. I still wear them. They are significantly smaller than the size 4 and 6 jeans I buy these days (as well as being significantly better due to being the best pair of jeans in the history of the world (but that's another story)). I haven't changed in size at all from the 80s - I may possibly be a little bit bigger because middle aged spread is inevitable I guess and I've had 3 kids - I'm basically the same size though. Yet now I'm apparently several sizes smaller than I was when I was 16. Only...I'm not. Now - I don't shop in Karen Millan. I understand there the sizes are true to what they were back in the days of black and white. Other expensive places also, maybe. But I shop at the cheaper high street end and there is a clear difference. And some of it is obviously down to height, because today's people are taller than we were. But not all of it.

'your fertility falls off a cliff after 35'

Is this not true? I've been sort of panicking that even if I were to 'sort myself out ' and get into a position to procreate, it would be too bloomin late for me now. I hope it's not true then.

Its not Decaff. Abortions are at their highest in the over 40s because some have bought that myth.

My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?

I'd feel tempted to reply "Oh, I am. It is awesome, isn't it?"

Or even better: "You know what, since you mention it, I do look a bit thin and sickly lately. I'd better order dessert!"

I weight 11.6 and 5ft 8 but have high muscle mass such as well defined toned arms, lean and a 6 pack wear about size 8 so proteus you are wrong

Everyone's build and bone structure is different hence why most sensible and intelligent people don't use BMI

Impressed this is still going strong - been out all day at a wedding in a size eight dress.

Glassgarden your comment is not true my arms are actually bigger than most men in my gym I think it depends on the female look at Chloe Madely if you eat the right amount of protein and resistance train at the right age it usually works

OP: you have a healthy BMI and you exercise well. Ignore those obsessed about body image and the lowest possible BMI.

It's disgusting how some women enjoy criticising the healthy bodies of other women, even when they can't see them. They are socialised to put other women down, to feel superior, instead of being supportive.

People of the same height and weight can have different frame size as well as muscle density and different fat distribution
Waist: height ratio is a much better measure than weight - lower body fat is far less important for health.

BMI 20 isn't healthier than BMI 24 for everyone.
Muscular women athletes with low BMI have to be careful they don't go below the essential body fat levels to maintain good health - there are a lot of EDs in athletes of all types and at all levels.

Women Olympic 2012 champions in strength events have much higher BMIs than runners - larger frames, not just muscle, e.g.

"Obese" BMI (30+)
Zhou Lulu (weight lifting) 42.8
Valerie Adams (shot put) 31.6

"Overweight" BMI (25-29.9)
Natalia Vorobieva (wrestling) 27.5
Sandra Perkovic (discus) 25.8

"Verging on Overweight" according to some posters
Seimone Augustus (basketball) 24.3
Claressa Shields (boxing) 23.7
Lindsey Vonn (downhill skiing) 23.7
Tatyana Lysenko (hammer throw) 23.4

Most will have scraped off every last ounce of non-essential fat.
A normal women lifting heavy weights in the gym doesn't need to go to these extremes, so can be healthy weighing a lot more than than the Olympians.

This threa

This thread explains why the Daily Mail readership is largely made up of women.

Depressing as fuck.

Dress size is crap. I have recently lost 21/2 stone. I am 5ft 2 and weigh more than my 5ft 5 sister. Yet we fit the same size clothes. 14 or 16.
The difference is that my thighs are huge and I exercise regularly.
So op I believe you are a size 8 as at 12 stone I have a size 14 pair of trousers which is too big. Dress size means nothing.

As people get old they seem to get more outspoken and say what they think but I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you. Ignore her or as pp have said, just make a lighthearted reply. Don't take it to heart.

Yep fat shaming stinks. I had an unplanned pregnancy when my bmi was 40. Up until my midwife appointment I ate healthily and lost weight.
Than I got the you may need to see dietitian, had loads of poor ultrasound due to maternal size etc etc and was told not to gain any weight!
This really upset me and I lost direction with my eating for a while. Not gaining any weight seemed so unobtainable.

HighlandFling as my weight was coming off i went through a stage where i took my before photo to doctors appointments so i could whip it out if i needed to.

Bottom line is even if OP is an 18 the comment should not have been made.