I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

ShelaghGunn has it spot on - dementia sufferers have no social filter, and often manage to pick on the one thing that will upset someone as well. Given the fact that she is the age she is, it sounds quite possible. In that case, it will only get worse, but with a diagnosis it becomes easier to handle OP. (I'm sorry you were needled by her comments: given the amount of exercise you do, your BMI and weight will both be skewed by your muscle development too, remember).

So what if you are fat? It is your business
Ditto if you are skeletal

So dull

I don't know why I'm surprised that this thread has degenerated into the usual most women are fat, a size 8 these days equals a size 14 in ye olden days etc. etc. It's just the fact that it bears little relevance to the OPs AIBU.

OP did not ask if she was overweight, her AIBU was if the DGM was rude to comment on her weight when she ate something and for me the correct answer to that is yes - even if OP was overweight or indeed obese it would still be rude for the DGM to comment on it.

I so get you OP as a broad-shouldered teenager I used to hate visiting my GPs. Every single sodding time I'd hear "Big girl" echoing around as I entered. It was only as I got older that I realised this was supposed to be some sort of a compliment, as in big strapping girl good for field work and when I arrived at the same time as my Cousin who is tall but thin and they chorused up with "Big girls" for both of us.

My parents seem to feel obliged to point out peoples weight and judge them accordingly, even friends of theirs in their 70s and 80s. Thankfully they have stopped more or less commenting on mine.

Actually people do sometimes assume that small people don't eat much (even if we are small because we have small frames and are short arses, rather than being stylishly willowy). I friendly encounter people who are amazed that I like drinking vegan hot chocolate, or eating chips - and especially that I eat lots of toast. They assume that because I'm wee, I exist on lettuce. I never bloody eat lettuce it's vile stuff. But I do sometimes get comments from people who don't know me along the lines of 'I'm surprised to see you eating that I wouldn't have thought someone like you (i.e. An assumed dieter) would eat (insert apparently forbidden foodstuff here)'. So maybe that was what was behind the OP's elderly relative's comment - she was surprised to see someone who isn't big eating bread (which many people think is of the devil apparently).

When people say, 'oh she's old'. What age is old and nasty comments you spout suddenly become acceptable? I'd like to be that 'old' and start saying a few things are on my mind but I have the decency to regulate whilst I'm still 'young'.

An elelderly great grandmother that you don't see that often who is in ill health makes a rude comment.
To be honest I wouldn't bother with all the smart arse comments that are being suggested. I would let it go over my head.

My nan who was absolutely lovely had a thing about people or should I say women ' watching their figure' They come from a time of different values and attitudes.

Repeating what PP's have already said...the point is that it's RUDE to make comments about someone's weight or how much they eat, end of. And I hate it when apologists use age/culture as an excuse. Barring actual illness for example dementia or MH issues, there is NO EXCUSE. The N word was frequently used in the past but is now universally recognised as being offensive. So sorry, I just don't buy the generation apologists logic.

Ok, an extreme comparison but hopefully you kwim...

I think the assumption is that slim=permenant diet.

Omg I am so shocked by Proteus! I am always so shocked at how rude and mean some people are on this forum.

Other than that, the older generation can just be a bunch of critical hits, I can utterly feel your embarrassment but I would let it go on this occasion but have a snappy come back planned for the next encounter! X

The thread derailed because OP's statistics sounded unlikely. Eg I'm taller, weigh a bit less and a 10 on a good day! It was pretty obvious that the older lady was rude, there isn't much to discuss there really, so the size issue got picked up on IMO. I think it's more offensive that people are speculating she has dementia based on one slightly out of turn comment!

Uhtred, it's quite possible your 1983 jeans are made of 'proper' denim which is hard to get these days. It shrinks by approx 2" in the first wash, and continues to shrink a bit with every subsequent wash - hence why you could wash out any bagginess. You were supposed to wash well-fitting denim as little as possible after the first time, to balance the stretch from wearing with the shrinkage.

Also, the cut's probably different. Even 501s have changed their shape many times.

YY, Loopy. I am old. Remarks like "not watching your figure, then?" were as rude as fuck when I was a schoolgirl, and absolutely were meant as a dig.

Please don't tar us all with the brush of mean-minded old bags! Or, for that matter, let said bags off the hook.

Get over it . Who cares what size you are . Just send DH with kids next time and say you can't make it , you're at the gym !

I don't think grandma's comment was that bad. I would never think 'not watching your figure then?' = you are fat. It's a throwaway remark like "lazy morning?" to someone slouching on the sofa or "big night yesterday?" to someone in sunglasses on grey day.

It can be easy to over-interpret when you feel a bit touchy about something. A true slob or heavy drinker might react touchily to those other remarks even when they don't mean much.

The thread derailed because OP's statistics sounded unlikely. Eg I'm taller, weigh a bit less and a 10 on a good day

Ok, I wasn't going to do this to spare DP's blushes...but apparently he has a seriously heavy head. No word of a lie, his physio says it is unusually heavy. Now DP is 6ft 4, and weighs 12 1/2 stone which is bang on in the middle of healthy but is as skinny as a pole. Without the densitity of his bones and heavy head, on appearance he looks underweight. Go figure.

Why on earth would someone young, healthy and not fat, get upset about a very elderly lady suggesting they are?
No,...people should not be rude, at any age but with senility a person can lose their sensitivity to others feelings. A grown adult should be able to cope with it without having a hissy fit.
I would be more concerned about the reaction of OP than the old woman's rudeness.

She's just jealous. Laugh and say 'Oh you're so funny, grandma'. She's just doing it to get a rise out of you.

Proteus seriously? ??? Can't believe you posted that. There are some people in this world that are weight obsessed. The old dear who made the rude comment is clearly one of them and the other poster Proteus is another. I generally find such people are boring as hell and do not know how to enjoy life. Avoid like the plague. Anything up to a size 14 is cool as far as I'm concerned and after that maybe people might be compromising their health a little. But somebody commenting on a person who is a size 8 or 10 really needs to shut up and get a grip. They shouldn't comment at all in fact as it's dead rude. A few clever comments here and there might be enough to put her back in her box. As for any of the people posting or implying you might be borderline overweight.....I'd say you are such fun. Up to your eyeballs in lettuce leaves and out running the roads night and day . Yes I know the type....and no I'm not fat myself I'm a size 12 and I like to eat food now and again, shock horror even the odd slice of bread! We only have one life so think we should go out and live it and try not to let uptight people make us feel bad about ourselves. .....that includes mad old dears and those that think bones jutting out is a good look.

Garlic, agree about old fashioned 'proper' denim - that's why I don't need to lie down to wriggle into modern jeans and do them up like I did as a teen.

You used to have to go in the bath to shrink fit drainpipes too.

I would be more concerned about the reaction of OP than the old woman's rudeness.

This

The thread is not called "was this relative being rude?". It's a very emphatic "I am NOT fat!".

Yes. And the OP definitely isn't fat. What's your point?

You used to have to go in the bath to shrink fit drainpipes

Yeah, and your skin would be tie-dyed blue from the waist down

The title is not about the elderly lady's comment but about the OP's figure. That is what the OP chose to focus on. The OP herself has given a wealth of detail to convince us that she is not fat (her words, remember!). Fat is not a scientific term - perception, fact and personal experience come into play when we think of "fat". This is why the thread "derailed" and why we have 14 pages of comments. We all agree the GMIL was rude. We can't agree if the OP is fat or not - her thread title is an invitation to discuss this.

I have no idea if the OP is fat or not btw. It would be rude to comment or speculate, really