Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

'I'm sorry to hear that, I hope it works out. Sorry we can't make it'

This is a great text to send. Don't engage with the drama.

"I'm really sorry to hear that - I guess many others must also have other commitments as this can't be down to us 2 not being able to attend. Do send "save the date" card if you end up changing the date and if it's a one day event, we will do our best to make it."

Wow, she is a thick one, isn't she?

I'd reply something chipper like:

"Oh, no doubt whatever you arrange it will be lovely. And at the end of the day you and groom will be husband and wife, and after all that's the important thing! Ta ta!

And if I did reply then Hidden's text says enough.

I wouldn't want to engage

I would be blunt.

'well, I'm sorry you chose a venue you couldn't afford and your guests couldn't travel to because half a days drive away from home and in the middle of nowhere. '

OR you could go the other way

'have you tried a gofundme? lots of people would love to help pay, I'm sure! good luck!'

Well if your £240 makes a difference she could put that in herself.

Don't engage, a wedding doesn't have to be in a castle.

she's just trying to make you feel guilty
I wouldn't reply at all.

"I'm sorry that your wedding day may not be what you were hoping for. I'm sure you and groom will still be able to have a lovely ceremony, even if it's not what you originally planned. Love to you both. Pumpkin"

Or something along those lines...?

Unfortunately, she has made her bed and envisioned everyone else paying for it. Hopefully she'll have learned from the experience and not have been bankrupted in the process.

Just say 'I'm sorry to hear that'. There's no answer to that!

De-lurking to agree that Hidden's text is perfect

Oh my god so she actually did book her wedding based on the fact she would be relying on her guests to stump up the cash to stay over!! Maybe that's the reason they have added this strange 'games day' tagged onto the Sunday to make it seem like a whole weekend of wedding 'fun'!!
I think leave replying for tonight and do it fresh tomorrow- maybe along the lines of 'I'm so sorry to hear that, I had no idea you were booking your venue based on the us all staying over. I hope it all works out ok xx' or something?
Good luck xx

I'd want to reply "well you shouldn't have been so bloody presumptuous about people paying £240 and coming for 2 days to basically pay for your wedding without confirming that people were willing to do that, how about you book somewhere where people can choose their own accommodation and not feel obliged?"

I'd actually just not reply at all. It will end up in an argument as she just isn't accepting this at all and seems determined to guilt you into changing your mind.

It's the out and out rudeness which offends me and makes me not want to attend what is supposed to be a celebration.

I feel so strongly about this and know I'd be peeved the whole weekend (during the games) as on principle I don't think it's right.

YY to if we agree to this its just more spooky bridezillas getting their way and behaving badly just because they are getting married.

Come on. This is MN. Everybody loves a wedding thread, especially one with an entitled bride like your cousin. I’m simply pointing out that you were framing your actions as a moral imperative, but that when it’s come down to brass tacks you’re unwilling to confront the real issue. Again, this is entirely your prerogative, but if we're just all here to bitch about the bride and others like her then let's be honest about it. The bride is clearly naive at best and horribly grasping at worst, and is perhaps now going through a minor epiphany. I wouldn’t normally sympathise with someone like that and I'm certainly no bridezilla apologist but there is an unpleasant note of glee from posters who are vicariously watching your cousin’s wedding fall apart, and it leaves a nasty taste.

That’s all.

I would want to reply "the stupid!! It burns!!"

and then I'd reply again and say "no wait...the graspy!! It burns!!"

OP, what age is your cousin? Does she work or have any other "real world" responsibilities?

RunLillian

People aren't gleeful watching someone's wedding fall apart. People are pleased and relieved to see an entitled and rude person having to take responsibility for their own decisions, pay for their own wedding and cut their cloth according to their means. There's nothing malicious about that at all, if anything it's a victory for everyone who has ever been out on the spot and pushed into spending more than they can realistically afford indulging someone in an OTT "dream wedding".

That's why people are gleeful about it.

If you must reply, I'd recommend hidden's text but after that I'd disengage completely.

And I'd he putting my mother firmly in her place if she continued with the nonsense.

I've skimmed over the thread (sooooo many posts!) and I get why your annoyed Pumpkin

but

(if you ignore the unsubtle wording of your invite) I have to stay what the invite suggests is pretty much in keeping of all the weddings (family and friends) that I have attended in the last 5 years.

All have required a minimum of 1 night accommodation due to their inconvenient (aka middle of nowhere but pretty for the pictures) venue choices. Most of needed 2 nights due to significant distance to travel from home. All of these I have paid for - anything from 80 to 175 per night for 1 room.
I get the wording of it is pretty blunt - but it's a reasonable price and will mean you don't need a taxi (also really expensive in the middle of night in the middle of nowhere!)

As for the cash thing……. I think that is rapidly becoming the new norm. I think I've given each of the last 6 couples around £50 in a card - I thought it was normal!

I know people who are getting married in a castle in Wales this summer! Not going to say if it is the bride or the groom I know but ooooo imagine if it is the same couple!

She has to cancel wedding because you can't come? She's pulling this one on everyone who has said no. Your mother's weakness and awkwardness is making her pester your family in particular.

Tell her you may be able to go, but won't know until the week before the wedding, so can't part with the ££ until the day. (Then don't go)

I bet if she does cancel the wedding, she will keep some of the money already paid by attending guests as a 'deposit'.

Also, any camping sights near by? There are lots in rural Wales! Offer to come along, but camp! ha

I have to stay what the invite suggests is pretty much in keeping of all the weddings (family and friends) that I have attended in the last 5 years.

Grabby entitled family you have then? It's not normal! Glad you can afford it buts not OK to expect everyone to be able to do the same

Remm - I think we've all been to those weddings. But the point is we could have said no, or as I have done, stayed in alternative accommodation to match our budgets. Here the OP has no alternative and is harrassed for saying no.

I've never paid more than £90 per couple per night for a hotel (& that was central London). My usual budget would be £40-70.

Caravan site fees in Wales are around £25-35 per night!

Why on earth would you expect the b&g to pay for the accommodation for the guests? Go or don't go! They will be paying for the food and entertainment. That would be a pretty penny. I'm just back after a 2 day wedding wit the fam. Hubby and 4 kids. We paid 300 for accommodation for 2 nights. It was A two day event. We went because we wanted to and we budgeted for it. Best weekend of our lives. And yes we also gave a cash gift. If you don't want to go then don't but don't expect the b&g to pay for your accommodation.