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Original poster

Rude wedding invitation?

509 replies

PumpkinPies38 · 10/06/2016 22:17

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is Shock but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

OP posts:
TooMuchMNTime · 13/06/2016 00:16

Laur, you might want to RTFT.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/06/2016 00:18

There's always one.

TopazRocks · 13/06/2016 00:24

ach, it's time you cancelled the cheque, OP!!

BigChocFrenzy · 13/06/2016 06:11

That's another reason never to pay the B&G for hotels:

if they have to cancel the venue, a grabby B&G may then decide to deduct the deposit cost from the early payers.

Cheekiness is always being taken to new bare-faced dimensions over weddings

zad716 · 13/06/2016 07:12

BigChocFrenzy Agreed. Also have to wonder if they would give you a refund if for whatever reason you could no longer attend. If you book a hotel direct you can choose a rate that allows cancellation if you want.

gemstars26 · 13/06/2016 07:36

I do not think that's a bad cost most things are paid for these days so I wouldn't be surprised. When is the wedding by the way? Have yuh got time to pay?

bloodyteenagers · 13/06/2016 07:37

I would text back
Hi, I am unsure why I am getting the blame for you cancelling the castle. Surely you considered that not everyone would be able to attend. I'm sure the new location will just just be as nice. Will you be keeping the same date?

Personally I think she is trying to guilt people into still paying so she can have her princess wedding.

TooMuchCoffeeMakesMeZoom · 13/06/2016 08:38

Sorry OP, hope you don't end up being the one who cops all the blame.

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/06/2016 08:51

It's a bit like throwing a party but charging guests to attend. If you do the inviting then you do the paying.

If you can't afford to hire a venue then you can't have it. It's very simple.

JaneEB · 13/06/2016 09:00

I don't normally comment on this, but the more I read on this thread the more I question whether they should actually be getting married. Trying to blackmail everyone into going to pay for the venue has to be the action of someone rather immature. If you want the big wedding you have to be prepared to pay for it. If they need to cancel I personally would suggest they take themselves off abroad to get married in the sun, then come back and throw a party. Good luck with sticking to your guns.

blindsider · 13/06/2016 09:09

I'd throw a big party for all your friends and family at a castle in Wales as I suspect you will get a good post cancellation rate Wink

MissBattleaxe · 13/06/2016 09:47

Has your mum told you I'm now in danger of having to cancel the venue and lose my deposit? Can't believe this is happening, gutted

Translation "Cough up or I'll cry."

Alicebannedit · 13/06/2016 10:37

...as for the request for an envelope with cash as your gift, how about sending something from one of the Good Gifts catalogue? You know the sort of thing: a bicycle for a midwife in Africa, a quarter acre of rainforest, or a pile of stacking goats... Wink

anonacfr · 13/06/2016 10:54

"Cough up or I'll cry" Grin

Seriously though the bride only has herself to blame.

Most people can't necessarily travel five hours and spend two nights away- how about kids/work etc?
If you want to arrange such a wedding you call people ahead and check they can make it.

cherrybath · 13/06/2016 11:31

I confess to not having read all the posts, not sure if anyone has mentioned that the convention is that the wedding is held near to where the bride or her family live, originally because the family church was in that area and presumably because more of the friends and family live there. Obviously today it is more likely to be in the area where the b&g live, for much the same reasons. There's logic behind conventions.

"Has your mum told you I'm now in danger of having to cancel the venue and lose my deposit? Can't believe this is happening, gutted."

Has she sent this message to others too? I'd hate to think that she thinks that it is your fault when it so clearly is not

I'm probably in the minority here, but I can never understand why b&g (particularly b and many b's mothers) feel that a fancy expensive wedding is necessary. Fine if you can afford it, but otherwise it seems like a simple waste of money that could better be used for real life. Some of the best weddings I've been to have been simple, in village halls with lovely home-made buffets. This way you can invite large numbers of people without bankrupting yourself for years. Often guests at weddings are distant relatives and Christmas card friends in any case. The alternative is to have a fancy reception meal for a very limited number of close friends and family, with a separate big party held somewhere cheaper - and maybe at a different time. Using a very expensive venue for a whole day is just not logical, and expensive, commercial wedding venues are not sensible places to hold large parties.

Original poster
PumpkinPies38 · 13/06/2016 12:05

I didn't reply to her text the whole thing is so unsavoury. I've been at my mums this morning. So basically myself and DH plus two other couples (friends not family) already RSVPd no. Many more RSVPs still to come so bride just panicking that she will receive lots more declines. Her mum and my mum are sisters that's why my mum is quite (over) invested in it all.

So the mother of the bride has apparently told the bride "don't worry we won't cancel it no matter what if we only have 30 rooms taken guests will just have to pay £160 per night not £120 to cover the shortfall. They've already told my mum their plan, my mum (ridiculously) had agreed to it. It's shocking. If rooms go below 30 they'll adjust the cost accordingly. Basically they need £9,600 back off the guests and will divide it up between whoever RSVPs and says it's a room cost. Don't know how they'll word it now invitations have gone out with £120 per night on there.

I don't think they're going to keep pestering me at least I think that ship has sailed. I'm so glad I said no now or I'd have a text saying "sorry that's £320 for the rooms thanks."

Angry
OP posts:
ceebie · 13/06/2016 12:09

I'm not sure you really need to reply to that last text. You've given your RSVP, I don't know what further she can expect you to say on the matter and I don't think you need to apologise again for being unable to come. All you can do is sympathise, which is difficult to do without being tempted to tell her it was a daft plan in the first place...

ceebie · 13/06/2016 12:10

X-post!

Can't believe their latest scheme - thank goodness you declined!

Only1scoop · 13/06/2016 12:17

Grabby and entitled

How do people have to neck to do this? Her mother must be as Necky as her.

I thought you were going to say the parents had offered to pay....and I'm sure this happy couple would still expect their 'cash' gift somehow.

Well if you did feel bad at any point if just be immensely relieved now.

RiverTam · 13/06/2016 12:24

They're going to up the cost to each guest if not all the rooms are filled??? And people don't think they're being grabby and expecting their guests to pay for their venue?

She'll be lucky if they have any friends left after this. And wtf is your mum agreeing with this for?

ceebie · 13/06/2016 12:27

I can understand why your Mum would agree. Aunties can be very lovely and very generous even when faced with grabbiness. Unfortunately other guests are highly unlikely to be so accommodating....

Ceic · 13/06/2016 12:32

If I were a guest who had RSVP'd "yes", there's no way I'd be happy to pay another £40 per night just like that! I'd be especially pissed off if I'd already paid my £120 per night as I'd probably feel like not going after all.

Quick maths: £240 for two nights becomes £360 - that's a big increase!

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 13/06/2016 12:38

This is really as I suspected. They want the guests to pay for the wedding not themselves!

£9,600 they are trying to get out of guests Angry

You pay for your wedding ie the venue, the food, the ceremony if in a diff place, the flowers, the dresses for bridesmaids, entertainment etc etc

What you do not do is book a venue AND all the rooms in a venue and expect guests to cough up whatever price you charge for the rooms effectively making the guests pay for your wedding.

As the OP stated this particular venue doesn't let out rooms on an individual basis. Its all or nothing and the package costs £12k we don't know what % of that covers rooms and what covers food and other extras and sorry but If you want a £3k wedding you book a £3k wedding and let your guests choose their own accommodation.

joannee78 · 13/06/2016 12:38

I would never expect to have my accommodation paid for - have always paid when traveling for weddings far away. However you can decide to go for just part of the celebrations and travel home or stay elsewhere if you wish. I don't like it being stipulated that cash gifts or vouchers are the only acceptable gift, however its common as these days people often already have everything needed. I'd probably do the same in my case as money wouldn't be wasted on things we don't need or want.

DesolateWaist · 13/06/2016 12:38

How can anyone have the brass neck to come up with that latest scheme?

I could understand if it was a very small scale wedding and everyone had agreed it in advance.

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