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Original poster

Rude wedding invitation?

509 replies

PumpkinPies38 · 10/06/2016 22:17

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is Shock but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

OP posts:
CodyKing · 13/06/2016 12:42

At what price point will DM drop out? Has she paid yet?

RiverTam · 13/06/2016 12:48

I can't imagine any of my aunties (or my own mum, for that matter) putting up with this shit without calling it out, in fact they'd just laugh in your face.

Is anyone else laughing away to themselves at all those posters who said the OP was being U and of course the B&G weren't expecting people to pay for their wedding, when the reality is that that's ^exactly* what they'd doing? Also, this is going to be one of those thread where I wish MN would make highlighting the OP's posts the default setting as more and more posters fail to read all the updates but still feel the need to provide their twopenn'oth.

Janecc · 13/06/2016 12:56

Tam. I don't like laughing at people for my amusement. The brides attitude is awful. However, I don't like the gloating either.

RuggerHug · 13/06/2016 12:57

Even if she's completely panicked about it, she isn't going to say 'please stay and forget about the gift'. I know it wouldn't make it ok but it would be slightly less grabby imo.

RiverTam · 13/06/2016 12:58

No, me neither, but given the tone of some of the early responses to this I'm going to indulge in a little bit for a short time.

brotherphil · 13/06/2016 13:00

If the B&G decide to hold their wedding somewhere that demands all the guests stay there, then as far as I'm concerned, the bill is theirs. Sounds grabby to me.
Have had expensive invites before - one was on a Greek island, which must have been lovely, but there was no way that we could have got there.
Just decline politely, and maybe make a comment elsewhere that will get back to them about how you would have loved to have gone, but could not afford to.

MissBattleaxe · 13/06/2016 13:00

She is literally crowdfunding her wedding and being a cow to people who don't want to join in.

It's like Verucca Salt when she can't buy an Oompa Loompa.

TooMuchCoffeeMakesMeZoom · 13/06/2016 13:26

shit

LagunaBubbles · 13/06/2016 13:36

They should have never paid a deposit on a venue without checking how many (roughly) guests would want to and be able to pay for accommodation in the castle. Not without being willing to pay the cost themselves anyway of any unfilled rooms. So shes "upset"? Tough.

Floggingmolly · 13/06/2016 13:42

She's actually planning to spread the cost around the guests who accept the invitation? Shock. So paying your £240 isn't the end of it; you can expect to be re-invoiced for your share of any further shortfall?
How does that work in practice? Surely people will just laugh ignore any further attempts to extort the full whack from the guests?

whydidhesaythat · 13/06/2016 13:47

The bride's behaviour is just the logical consequence of the wedding-craziness industry as it exists today surely?

I feel sorry for the bride - she is probably quite normal most of the time and it's awful to have your wedding spoilt. I bet they did a good hard sell at the venue.

not the OP's problem though

expatinscotland · 13/06/2016 13:51

Don't engage. Wouldn't even bother to reply. She's a nutjob.

TooMuchMNTime · 13/06/2016 13:55

not surprised
anyone who puts their bank details on that way has set it up that way
I think some of the replies were from people who had misunderstood the OP and didn't see her second post, which made it crystal clear it was an invoice for something no one actually voluntarily sought to buy!

I'm amazed at the mother of the bride behaving this way too.

I'm interested to know what the groom thinks. The OP said it was quite likely he wasn't informed or given the wrong figure but he will have to know by now. Also I suddenly thought - he must have seen the invite?

I wonder what size deposit they paid.

TooMuchMNTime · 13/06/2016 13:57

whydid "The bride's behaviour is just the logical consequence of the wedding-craziness industry as it exists today surely?"

as I said on another thread, on that basis I would be buying tons of things daily, on credit and not knowing how to pay them back. It's personal responsibility, they chose to do this. The industry may be full of pressure but that doesn't mean anyone has to succumb.

nellynoodles · 13/06/2016 14:12

I thank my lucky stars I have never experienced a bridezilla like this!!

iMogster · 13/06/2016 14:28

I expect to pay for my accommodation at a wedding. I would be ok paying £120 for room conveniently at venue. But the bride and groom should then pay any extra if not all the rooms are taken. That was the risk they took when choosing the venue. I would be very annoyed to be quoted £120, accept invitation, and then later told 'surprise it's a lot more!' They could then kiss goodbye to their cash gift!!

MaryMargaret · 13/06/2016 14:29

I feel quite sad for the bride even though she should never have thought any of this was a good idea. What a mess! It would be nice to think they might still cancel, scale right back and have a lovely simple wedding.

Ours cost v little, people could camp or band b, and I have nothing but happy memories. Very little stress involved. Why wouldn't you want to do it that way?

Mumaontheedge1 · 13/06/2016 14:33

Are you fuc*ing kidding me?!
Put the price up accordingly, dependant on how many RSVP with a YES?! Jesus.

Can you imagine how livid you would be if you agreed to be part of this crowdfunding sham to only have the bloody price upped! I would defo call them on it if I had RSVP's yes and then they were upping the price tag.

What a cheek. Thank god you have said you can't go. You are well it of it. I feel sorry for your mum though as she is going to be the shoulder to cry in for the MOB when shot hitteth thy fan.
Xxx

bloodyteenagers · 13/06/2016 16:39

You need to spell it out for your mum
By agreeing to this craziness she will end up with a bill for £9k. Because once the new price is out there, more and more people will drop out.

If you are all on FB, I would actually post on her wall -

Does mum have the wrong end of the stick. You are going to charge extra to rsvp'd guests to make up the shortfall? What if everyone drops out, because there is no way can mum afford to pay the 9K the venue will cost. You do realise more people will drop out the more you up the cost? I really think you need to talk to your guests about this, because they might not be happy to potentially pay a grand or more for your wedding.

The other guests need to know they are about to get squeezed. Some like your mum might be happy, until they realise they could be paying the full thing. There is no way could I sit by and say nothing. The fall out will be a lot worse when everyone starts being fleeced. And a lot of people will be fucked off with your mum for wanting to go along with this shit.

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/06/2016 16:52

Divorced in 6 months when post wedding blues have worn off.

The rest of you had post wedding blues too? Please say yes.

TooMuchMNTime · 13/06/2016 17:05

sorry Fluffy, you mean that happened to you and you think it will happen to the couple here?

EweAreHere · 13/06/2016 17:21

I can't even begin to believe the bride and the mother of the bride think it will be ok to just charge guests more to cover any shortfall in guests wanting rooms. YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

Seriously, OP. Bridge and MOB need a wake up call. I'd call her out on it at this point; she may well take an awful lot of money off your mother if you don't. Bride wants a wedding weekend that she can't afford, so she wants friends and family to pay for the privilege ... and send gifts, too. Outrageously grabby. She won't have friends for long once everyone gets wind of her new proposal to force others to pay more for the privilege of treating her like a princess on her special day (barf) and bringing cash presents, too.

maggiethemagpie · 13/06/2016 17:50

I can understand the bride's situation a little, I was in a similar situation for my wedding (although I was NOT repeat NOT anything like this bride), in that we had booked an exclusive use venue and assumed a lot of guests would want to stay over... in the end we only filled half the rooms as some went to a cheaper venue elsewhere. I did not insist anyone stayed in the wedding venue, I suggested it and sold the benefits but made a decision not to put pressure on anyone if they elected to go elsewhere. About half our guests who didn't live in that city did go to cheaper hotels. The wedding one was £150 a night, not extravagant for a nice hotel but not cheap either. We did live in that city btw, but a lot of f/f did not.

In the end we only filled half the rooms and we just had to suck it up and pay for the unfilled ones which cost us around £1.5k. It was our mistake. I wouldn't have dreamed of charging the other guests more or whatever.

It does seem to be how the wedding industry is run in a lot of venues these days. I take full responsibility for it but I can see with hindsight that I was a bit naive. I certainly wouldn't go for this kind of venue again!

The bride needs to take responsibility and either pay for the unused rooms or find a different venue not blame it on the guests!

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/06/2016 17:57

Your family sound embarrassingly naieve Op. Or a bit hard-of-thinking.

I don't see why you should have to be the brave soul who spells it all out to your cousin - you didn't ask to be caught up in this silly scheme.

You really must try and persuade your mum to persuade her sister to persuade her dd that the whole idea was crazy in the first place and to cut their losses!

SquidgeyMidgey · 13/06/2016 18:59

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape OP, well done for not getting suckered in. On what grounds did she book a bloody castle for her wedding anyway? If she can't stump up £9,600 she's clearly not a WAG so why is she being so grandiose? Just because she wants it doesn't mean she's entitled to it at everyone else's expense

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