AIBU to think my DH has got the wrong end of the stick?

[AddictedToCoYo]

I own a couple of furnished rental properties but as I work FT and they are not very local to where I live I can't always be there to react to problems, so I have a man to look after stuff for me.

He emailed me yesterday to say that one of the beds needed a new mattress. I told him I had one in storage in a garage, but he doesn't have a key to the garage so he can't get the mattress without me there.

I said in my email 'I'll see if I can get the mattress in the back of my car next weekend but if not then we'll have to do it together in the back of your van.'

My DH read the email and said 'Addicted. We need to talk. Is there something you need to tell me about you and the odd job guy? I am not at all happy about your plans.'

Have you made any faux pas or unintended embarrassing double entendres?

Trying desperately to get my little one to sleep before the Ocado man arrived. Luckily he turned up 5 minutes before the end of the hour slot - just after dc had fallen asleep.
I beamed at him and said the timing was perfect cos you know how it is when you're thinking "Don't come yet, don't come, don't come..."
Bags unpacked and shopping away before i realised how that sounded - thought he had a smile on his face...

Trying to reach something from a high shelf at work and being something of a shirt arse I called over, Bill, I need your length.
God knows what posessed me to phrase it quite like that.

Pretty much everything DH and I say to each other causes much smirking and nudging. We are very immature.

Just I don't know what it is with delivery drivers. I've posted this on here before but once the Sainsburys guy was unloading on my doorstep whilst my very fluffy cat came to investigate the bags. Knowing there were Dreamies in there, I said (in a talking to my cat type of voice) "what have we got in here for a furry face?" and looked up to see the delivery driver staring at me and he had a great bushy beard

There was just no point in trying to rescue the situation. Next week a different driver turned up

Oh dear. I just read that back. The sainsburys guy unloading on my doorstep sounds kind of inappropriate given the whole premise of this thread.

Fucks sake. See what I mean?!

😂😂😂😂 @ "furry face"

the Sainsburys guy was unloading on my doorstep

You seem to have some kind of affliction 😂

X post Miffle

"You know that woman who can't stop saying double entendres?"

Your teenage kids are going to get so much fun out of you :)

My mates mother was like that, priceless.

There is a guy I work with who I have a habit of saying things that can be taken in an inappropriate way - he is significantly older than me and luckily has a great sense of humour.

Not long after I started I flashed him by accident, leant over the deal to reach something whilst we were going through some data and my boob sort of leapt out of my top (I am very busty), I quietly told my friend who I work with who then proceeded to announce it to the whole office

I came home the other day and the teenagers had been making food.

I walked in the door saying. "mmmmm cockporn!"

Spoonerism are great!

I work at McDonald's for my sins, I'm always accidentally saying things like "so you want a big one then" doh. Was working an overnight shift other Saturday, packed with drunk people and you have to really yell out order numbers, 69 caused much hilarity , I was like 69, 69 (getting louder) 69!!! Mucho jokes, me 20 nuggets haha

I bumped in to a man who I had visited at home as part of my job, he told me conversationally that his wife had gone to London for a few days with their daughter. I blurted out 'Oh, are you lonely?'.........awful five second silence followed by 'No no quite enjoying the peace and quiet actually'

Years ago, I was thinking about getting older, and asked a male colleague if he was stiff when he woke up in a morning!
In another job it was part of my role to take photos of staff, who would often ask "where to you want me?" I usually answered without thinking, "up against the wall!"
Another time I was musing about the discovery of a brothel in a quiet rural area, and wondered why the neighbours had not spotted all the comings and goings earlier!

I needed some work on my car and my DP directed me to a guy he knew, telling me his name. I walked into the garage where I had never been before and it was obviously their lunch break as there were about six mechanics sitting around playing cards. I proceeded to ask, "am I in the right place for Dick?" 😳 And of course, they told me!

Once had a lovely ornate chest of drawers delivered, stood with my hands on my hips, gave the man a happy smile and said, 'Look at the knockers on that!'

I once asked in HMV for the new Dildo album. Repeatedly.

Not exactly the same but i phoned my elderly last week and asked what she was watching on tv (was very loud in background) she replied "hardcore porn" have since learned that it is in fact 'hardcore pawn' a silly American show about porn shops

Excuse misuse of emojis in that post

I used to sell advertising. It led to a whole string of dodgy-sounding offers:
I could just squeeze you on the bottom tonight, but you can be on top tomorrow.
We're going to bed in half an hour. Would you like an extra insertion?
If we insert it every weekday, I'll give you a free one on Saturday. Yes, I'll make it bigger for you.
I can get you inside front or back.
Do you want this in the same slot, or shall we try something different?
... and on ... and on ...

MrsRaegan Hahahahahaha!!!

A hot dog van has just opened in my town. It is called Dogers. I swear I laughed for about 20 minutes when I saw it. DH just shook his head.

fanjolamps, porn shops???

My dear departed grandmother was a real Mrs Malaprop. One of her best was after visiting a relative's new house in the 80s and reporting that 'every room had one of them dildo rails."

Do you want this in the same slot, or shall we try a new position?

Good thing I wasn't doing stand-up comedy.