AIBU to think my DH has got the wrong end of the stick?

[AddictedToCoYo]

I own a couple of furnished rental properties but as I work FT and they are not very local to where I live I can't always be there to react to problems, so I have a man to look after stuff for me.

He emailed me yesterday to say that one of the beds needed a new mattress. I told him I had one in storage in a garage, but he doesn't have a key to the garage so he can't get the mattress without me there.

I said in my email 'I'll see if I can get the mattress in the back of my car next weekend but if not then we'll have to do it together in the back of your van.'

My DH read the email and said 'Addicted. We need to talk. Is there something you need to tell me about you and the odd job guy? I am not at all happy about your plans.'

Have you made any faux pas or unintended embarrassing double entendres?

I think as a teenager at school a particular group got the day off due to snow. I quite loudly exclaimed I wish we could have it off.
In my 1St job a guy was discussing the French song Voulez vous couche Avec moi etc etc. I thought it was a good idea to correct him.

Many years ago as a very young and gauche nursing cadet, I was working in Gynae outpatients department, and was given the job of restocking the supplies cupboard.
Went up to Path Lab for semen and urine sample pots. Smart arse male Lab Technician's reply to my request " Don't your patients know if they're coming or going?"
Luckily I soon toughened up!

I once said to my friend,in front of her husband,that I was looking forward to a stroke of her pussy....honestly..she's got a lovely ginger Tom cat

Had an outside water leak, and on the phone to guy from water company. I had to lever off the meter cover, and was running around the house trying to find something to use. Said to the guy on the phone "Why can I never find a rigid tool when I need one".

Crying at this. I've done loads, but never can remember them!

*I've done loads, but never can remember them!8
Well that's a perfect example

I'm still laughing at Bill, I need your length! from page 1

Ex h mk I had been a keen fisherman with his dad when he was younger. Carbon fibre came out and he decides it's too expensive and sells his gear. Years later we get together and on a radio auction I get chance to buy a basic carbon fibre set at a good price so treat him for an early Xmas pressie. We win it do go to collect it. On the way to the radi o station he's telling me and my sister how much he's looking forwards to fishing again.

"Every time I've passed water I've wanted to fish'.......hence comments along the line of 'well if you're passing water you'll already have your rod out!'

Colleague X apologised for her, "Fishy box" at lunchtime to extreme giggling.

Later the same day she was eating a kit kat and shouted across the office, "Dennis, do you want a finger?"

Rubberduck2 Actual LOL!!!

In a kitchen department looking for something I can put sangria in for a BBQ. A young lad working there asked me if he could help. I told him I needed big jugs. He went purple trying not to laugh.

I was in the pub, talking to a work colleague (who, for extra cringe points, I was well aware fancied me) describing how I'd cut my foot, leaving a nasty scar. "Oh yes" said I "it's quite bad. Do you want to see my gash?"

My uncle is warden for their church and every year they do some kind of parade where each church in the diocese presents a staff of some sort to the bishop. I was out for dinner with my aunt and uncle and my aunt declares loudly "oh you should have seen uncle ads with his rod last night" along with a rather inppropriate hand gesture! I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe!

In Cornwall in the 90s my DM pondered 'why are Fat Willies so popular?' 100% sure it was unintentional.

Telling the butcher I think his sausages are the best I've had

At a staff buffet many years ago a colleague was waiting in line for food and our male boss was behind her. As she got to the food they had run out if cutlery and she turned to him and said "oh looks like it'll have to be a hand job then"

Good to see that the spirit of Finbar Saunders is alive and well.

Montreal.

MIL tries to order poutine, a French Canadian dish of chips, gravy and cheese curds

Instead she orders poutin which means

Whore.

I have coccydynia and it's worse if the seat I am on is soft. I chose to announce this to the office one particularly bad day by saying "I need something rigid to sit on"

My best was last week at work. We had a tea party of sorts to raise money for something (shamefully can't remember the name of the charity).

I had four jugs of pimms. And said "can someone help me with my jugs" (I am blessed with huge boobies). Cue sniggering.

Sitting on the floor sorting out some books at my old job. My older, very sweet assistant manager said 'Salem, whilst you're down there...' He was about to ask me to sort out a different box but he didn't get the chance as everyone burst out laughing. Poor guy was mortified.

The same man was referred to as an Ass Manager on a sheet on the safe door. I tittered.

Making conversation with my friends very formal father at the dinner table, aged about 14, I thought I said in my best Spanish 'I have noticed that Spanish chicken skins are yellow. In England they are really white. I prefer the taste of yours, English ones are a bit small.'

I thought that was quite intelligent, and was buttering him up a bit at the same time, so I flashed him a big smile and got a look of horror back. I'd got my pollo and polla mixed up. Pollo is chicken. Polla means prick.

Just out shopping with DH and the DCs. DS is acting up so, referring to the wrist rein we have, I asked DH if he needed a strap on. He was largely because we were outside Ann Summers at the time

Watching a TV cook making some sort of cold drink I said to my husband, "Oh look, she has jugs just like your mother". Then collapsed in a heap of giggles while he just stared at me.