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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To judge and think you stupid stupid woman!

96 replies

lifeistooshort · 10/06/2016 09:32

Generally when it comes down to other people parenting I try not to be judgey. We all have our individual circumstances and parenting is hard.

But last night on my commute back from work. I did put my best judgey pants on. Woman stopped behind me in the car acting all cool as a cucumber with shades on etc...and then I spot a you child (around 3years old) roaming in the car. Coming next to mummy, standing in the middle etc... I was absolutely horrified that the child was not in a car seat and safely strapped in. He wasn't even seated. Why why why would anyone do that to their child? A smallish bump would probably have been enough to send him flying in the windscreen. So AIBU??? I had to really restrain myself not to get out of my car and talked to her.

OP posts:

acasualobserver · 10/06/2016 09:33

This parent deserved your harsh judgement.

DeathByMascara · 10/06/2016 09:34

I normally think MYOB to threads with this kind of title, but in this case you can judge away. Awful!

Savemefromwine · 10/06/2016 09:34

Totally agree op. No excuses.

I have fond memories of standing Inbetween my parents during our drives but in their defence it was 1974.

venys · 10/06/2016 09:35

You are right it's plain stupid. Having said that my 3 year old is a right Houdini in getting out if car seats - even when I have got the fancy safety straps. I have now got him in a seat with car seat belt as he is big and at least he is behaving. So perhaps she is in a similar position? Can't always pull over?

Trooperslane · 10/06/2016 09:35

I am usually a MYOB person too but I would have phoned the police. Appallingly stupid.

Original poster

lifeistooshort · 10/06/2016 09:40

trooperslane the thought did cross my mind. I feel I should have done something apart from staring pointedly and shaking my head (which I am sure she saw and completely ignore).

I know some kids hate car seats (my DS 3 definitely) they do the plan, the wiggle or anything else Houdini like as venis mentions. But there was zero attempt on her part to say something or try to tell him to go back in his seat. She just completely ignored.

Why why why risk your precious child like that?

OP posts:

Original poster

lifeistooshort · 10/06/2016 09:42

Saveme I took grew up in the 70s but even if we didn't necessarily have seatbelt, we were sitting down! Also the traffic and driver's impatience was perhaps not what it might be nowadays in rush hour!

OP posts:

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 10/06/2016 09:45

Yep, I'd have been calling the police too. Just like if I saw someone getting into their car drunk, not only is it breaking the law but this woman had a greatly increased risk of either seriously injuring or killing another person. Her own child.

YANBU.

ConcernedParent88 · 10/06/2016 09:45

On the plus side - survival of the fittest...

Fedupoftheheat · 10/06/2016 09:47

Sadly I live in a country where this is common place. I see people driving with their children on their knees. Last week I saw a toddler asleep on the parcel shelf.
It makes me laugh when people here say - the local people really love their children . No they don't, or they would keep them safe.

TheNaze73 · 10/06/2016 09:48

YANBU

Arkwright · 10/06/2016 09:49

Report her to the police, they will pay her a visit.

ReginaBlitz · 10/06/2016 09:50

Sorry but, my kids have done this before.. And yes it is bad but we find the next available, safe place to park and put them back! It's not we are letting them do it. In all fairness mine don't do it anymore but just saying it's not always easy with kids in the car, and you aren't always in a position to be able to jump in the back and strap them back in!

HazelBite · 10/06/2016 09:51

When my DTs were young I had to take them everywhere in the buggy unless someone was available to sit in the back of the car with them to stop them undoing each others straps!

Some kids are houdini's personally I could never risk it so it was buggies, reins and buses!

GloGirl · 10/06/2016 09:51

Venys, he doesn't have a car seat at all? Even if in car seat wjth a normal car seat belt it can leave the most awful horrific injuries if you have an accident, I've seen a video of one snapping the neck of a crash test toddler dummy. They sit at completely the wrong point, the lower strap causes horrific internal damage

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 10/06/2016 09:51

Fedup I do wonder if there's a lack of understanding in places where such practices are commonplace. Like maybe everyone thinks it must be safe enough because if it wasn't there would be a law against it or everyone would know.

There's obviously no lack of education here; everyone knows how bloody stupid and dangerous it is, not least because it is quite clearly illegal!

switswoo81 · 10/06/2016 09:52

YANBU I remember a case a few years ago near where I live where a toddler was standing up between seats and her mum stopped suddenly in slow moving traffic.she died of a head injury. There is no justification for this. My school has asked the guards to do check points coming out of the village as some parents had repeatedly ignored requests to use seatbelts.

AnonymousBird · 10/06/2016 09:53

YANBU.

Whilst out walking the other day I saw a young (under 10) child DRIVING a car on his father's lap. This was on a public UK road!

Goingtobeawesome · 10/06/2016 09:54

A local three year old died when an accident happened and she was sat in the footwell. Her twin has to grow up without her now.

FlyingElbows · 10/06/2016 09:55

When you say "stopped" where were you? Was she safely able to get out and re-seat the child? Every one of my children has been a car seat houdini and sometimes you just have to wait for the next safe ace to stop. If she was able to put it back and just not bothering then I'll join the judgey bench.

emwithme · 10/06/2016 09:55

My office window is right by a very narrow (half normal width) pavement. My desk is directly under the window, and so if people park there, because of the drop kerb to get into our office, I am generally level with their front seats. I am also VERY close - at times I wonder if people are going to open their passenger doors into my desk - not even the distance of a standard supermarket parking bay away.

About six weeks ago, this lady and I use the term loosely came back to her car, opened the passenger door (on the pavement side) and put her child (about 18 months old) into the car seat, standing up. She then went round the car and got into the driver's seat, I presumed she would then deal with strapping the baby into the seat properly rather than struggle to do it through a door that can only be partly open...but she just put the keys in and drove off, with her child standing up in the child seat on the passenger seat

About a fortnight ago, the same car was there when I arrived at work. I noticed the lady come back to the car and put the small child in to the seat in the same way - and gave her a Mumsnet patented Paddington Bear Hard Stare. She noticed me (she was fiddling with her phone too, which makes it bloody worse), stopped pulling away, and actually strapped the child in and put the phone into the hands-free holder mounted on the dash.

My colleague was astounded at the fact that she'd actually noticed me but more at the fact that she actually paid attention. Apparently she's been not strapping the child in the car for at least six months, every couple of weeks, and just driving off! She's due back today...let's see what happens...

elQuintoConyo · 10/06/2016 09:59

Leaving our nyrsery one day AnonymousBird one dad put his 2yo on his lap to help steer

Told me to fuck off when I asked if he had a childseat.

However, I'm in Spain which is a very 'family oriented' country. Yeah.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 10/06/2016 09:59

GloGirl. I suggest you go back and READ what Venys wrote.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 10/06/2016 09:59

I mind walking to the local pub when a colleague drove up to me, and slowed down for a chat. He had his 18 month old son in the passenger seat next to him, not wearing a seatbelt (and not in a carseat either).

I commented on it, and my colleague said he hadn't bothered belting his son in as it was only half a mile to his house. The fact was it was only half a mile, but it was a rural, single-track, winding road that he refused to walk along himself as it was too dangerous (he'd cut through the fields along the side). I'd often see cars having to brake suddenly as they came face to face with another coming at speed towards them.

I couldn't believe he'd be so stupid to let his son sit unfastened like that. Thankfully, though, he did buckle him in before he drove away.

LilySnape · 10/06/2016 10:00

I saw a young girl of about 17 come through the drive thru with a 6 month old on her lap as she was driving with no car seat even in the car i was the whole time i served her she got the same reaction from my co workers too it was disgusting to see

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