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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge and think you stupid stupid woman!

96 replies

lifeistooshort · 10/06/2016 09:32

Generally when it comes down to other people parenting I try not to be judgey. We all have our individual circumstances and parenting is hard.

But last night on my commute back from work. I did put my best judgey pants on. Woman stopped behind me in the car acting all cool as a cucumber with shades on etc...and then I spot a you child (around 3years old) roaming in the car. Coming next to mummy, standing in the middle etc... I was absolutely horrified that the child was not in a car seat and safely strapped in. He wasn't even seated. Why why why would anyone do that to their child? A smallish bump would probably have been enough to send him flying in the windscreen. So AIBU??? I had to really restrain myself not to get out of my car and talked to her.

OP posts:
SpringerS · 10/06/2016 11:37

This makes my blood boil. I was crossing the road with DS yesterday when a woman drove past in a big SUV/Jeep type car with her son, aged 2-4 kneeling/crouching backwards on the front seat. It's out and out shitty parenting. I wish I'd thought to get the number.

Skrewt · 10/06/2016 11:39

Oops that should be Mind MY own business - not yours!

Elendon · 10/06/2016 11:40

Meant to add, YANBU. I couldn't do it on purpose. What are these parents thinking? I would rather listen to them scream, than put their lives in considerable danger.

Oysterbabe · 10/06/2016 11:40

There was a woman on tv the other morning who went for a drive with a baby on her lap, trying to get it to settle. She crashed and the baby broke both its legs. The baby was lucky as it made a full recovery and wasn't killed.
People really are that fucking stupid.

margaritasbythesea · 10/06/2016 11:40

Yanbu

An unrestrained child in a car caused a crash near me that killed 5 people, including the child. So preventable and so sad.

JessicaRabbit3 · 10/06/2016 11:45

Our toddler had a habit of undoing her seat belt and getting out. One of us had to sit in the back with her.

redshoeblueshoe · 10/06/2016 11:56

Oysterbabe if your talking about the woman on Jeremy Kyle she wasn't taking the baby out to settle it, they were out at 1 am, driving like dicks, just for a laugh.
Ermwithyou - from your post I think I can guess where you work it was the 2 weeks that give it away so I think you have her address Grin

carabos · 10/06/2016 12:00

Last weekend, DH and I saw an unrestrained toddler in the front passenger seat leaning out of the fully open window while the parent drove at 70mph in the outside lane on the A1. We were like Shock. The driver wasn't wearing a seatbelt either.

MariaSklodowska · 10/06/2016 12:03

Some people are incredibly stupid. It would only take one little emergency stop for a disaster to happen...
Judge away, OP< judge away.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 10/06/2016 12:11

Maybe time for another poster/TV advertising campaign. Clunk click and all that (but without the pervert).

MadisonMontgomery · 10/06/2016 12:15

I can't believe people are so stupid! My dog has his own car seat, why on earth wouldn't people put their children in one?!

GarlicSteak · 10/06/2016 12:21

ConcernedParent88: On the plus side - survival of the fittest...

Grin
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/06/2016 12:26

I'm sure I saw somewhere recently, either on here or on Faceache, that a woman was recently killed when her unrestrained dalmation crashed into the back of her seat when she had an accident, but I can't find it on google now.

Anyway - the point I was going to make was that an adult dalmation weighs similar to the average 2-3yo child; so if similar happened with an unrestrained 2-3yo child, then the mother could actually be killed (and possibly the child too, although they seem to come off better than the crushed adult if you believe that advert with the unrestrained teen in the back of the car who crushes his mother against the steering wheel. He only has a bloody nose! But advert)

ApocalypseSlough · 10/06/2016 12:27

I seen this often!
I beep or wave and very smiliy mime or pull at my own seat belt. Nearly always the driver and or child immediately make moves to do the seat belt. If I saw a particular driver doing it repeatedly I'd call the police.

MadamDeathstare · 10/06/2016 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RortyCrankle · 10/06/2016 12:59

I was watching a police programme the other day - they stopped an ordinary saloon car with ELEVEN passengers in it, adults with 2 or more children on their laps, more children down in the footwell, it was absolutely shocking.

Any parent who does not secure their child/ren in a car is an idiot.

Butteredparsnips · 10/06/2016 13:08

I have a particular reason to be very mindful about car seats, and i find it difficult, but sadly not uncommon to see.

On the other hand, DS when aged about 2 worked out that the corner of a Lego brick would unlock the car seat fastening. DH stopped the car to reinstall DS is said seat sans Lego brick and was stopped by the police who seemed sceptical that he had escaped. Hmm

Doesn't sound like that happened in OPs case.

OhMyGoddess · 10/06/2016 13:12

YANBU and I reserve the harshest of judgement for people who do this.

On my way home from work I am regularly behind a car with 'free range' children in the back. I would estimate that both of the kids are under 8 years old and they roam from front seat to back seat and climb on the parcel shelf. I have called the police a number of times and they have said they can't do anything unless they catch the driver doing it. I've resorted to taking very obvious photos on my 'phone in the hope that the driver will notice me doing it and strap the poor children in.

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/06/2016 13:22

Sometimes if you've lived in other countries with more lax car safety laws (or perhaps just visited same), then it is difficult to develop a sense of urgency about car seats.

I used to visit a Middle Eastern country where dad would drive the scooter and mum would sit on the back clutching baby in her arms while 1 slightly larger child was squished between them. Also, a whole family (save dad, mum and youngest child) riding in the back of a pick-up truck with benches for seats and no seatbelts. This was normal.

I use carseats for my kids of course, and insisted on my dad getting them for when we visited that country, but I can't get quite as worked up about it as some of you are.

GabsAlot · 10/06/2016 13:28

of course youre not being unreasnable its disgusting what some people think and do in their cars these days

i coulnt give a toss about them its their kids that are the victims

lily if you were working and saw it u should have reported them to the police would have all been on camera aswell at the drive through

Tiggeryoubastard · 10/06/2016 13:32

Rory Contessa I disagree. Once you are made aware that it's safer for a child then you would take that safety precaution if you're a caring parent that values your child's safety. It's sadly prevalent amongst certain cultures in the city I live close to and there is no bloody excuse apart from not giving a shit about your child.

Tiggeryoubastard · 10/06/2016 13:32

Rory? Sorry.

meddie · 10/06/2016 13:39

I once looked after a young baby who's mum had sat him on her knee and done the lap strap around both of them. they were involved in a crash and the weight of the mother pushing against the baby was so great the babies kidney and bowel were pushed through his diaphragm into his chest. he lost a kidney, part of his bowel and ended up with a stoma. He hadn't been put in his car seat because it made him cry.

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/06/2016 13:50

I don't think I'm explaining myself very well tigger.

There are things in life which:
A) you automatically care about and make sure get done
B) you know you should care about and make an effort to do most of the time but you don't feel that urgency about them IYSWIM
C) you don't care about, don't see the point of and don't bother to do like ironing curtains

For me, car seats fall under B. I follow the letter of the law, but it's not a knee-jerk OMG CAR SEATS feeling like some of you seem to have. Maybe it's to do with upbringing.

My point is that some people come from places where this isn't as enforced and will simply never put the same emotional/practical weight on the importance of car seats as you all do. You seem to have it built in; they don't.

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/06/2016 13:52

I should clarify that I do always use the carseats because I'm a law-abiding sort AND have read the research - they are obviously safer. However I'm not going to verbally flay people who may not have had the same access to information as me or who may not have the capacity to fully understand the reasons for the ruling.