.. to think that "I fear for my sons" and ..

[BertrandRussell]

"I feel sorry for my sons" are just new ways of saying "I hate feminists"?

I have 2 sons and 1 daughter. I don't worry about my elder son. A recent post of his on FB
"I think it's cool that Brock Turner is going to speak out against college drinking culture and sexual promiscuity. I think it'd be cooler if he didn't rape people behind dumpsters, but hey, whatever works for him."
Possibly shows the type of person he is and I am quite proud of his very public feminism. He challenges inequality in all its forms.
My younger son has ASD and I do worry about him, he does struggle with social interaction and I worry he could easily misread situations. His saving grace is a very loving and caring big brother. I don't worry about my daughter too much, I pity the man who tells her she can't do anything based on her sex.

Specially for Mango

I agree with what MrsDV said.

I agree with bran r.e men working in schools/caring roles.
A retired man who had a granddaughter at our local primary was taken on to listen to children read in school.
There were a lot of whispered 'paedophile' comments in the playground from other mums, purely based on the fact he was male.

I am speaking in relation to feminists questioning the status quo not about our sons as individuals and I feel quite sure that the OP was too unless I totally misunderstood. Of course I fear my son, he has autism and other additional needs, I lie awake at night fearing for him and how his life will turn out.

Actually not even just feminists, any woman.

MilkTwoSugars that made me actual lol

I love it!

YABU

We've lived in socially deprived area - lots of working class boys.

Heard a lot boys are late developers with reading/write, boys rarely write well - waiting till they are really struggling and have convinced themselves it not for them and their confidence was really low seemed odd.

We reached that point - (but being more middle class) stepped in gave support and insisted it not for me was't going to wash. DS with support conquered everything and move up groups. Most of the other boys struggling didn't get that support and remain at bottom struggling for rest of their education.

Current school told us boys don't read - well mine does and they seemed taken back when told so have to wonder if that attitude is contributing to the lack or reading.

It doesn't surprise me that academically working class boys don't do well.

I've encountered equally gendered crap usually round maths and science for my girls - though they are expected to be able to read and write.

So context matters - I didn't fear for my son but other people's sons in these school then yes I do unless they are brilliant from the start or meet a teacher without such assumptions and who can access appropriate support for them.

YABU
Another person who would assume the opposite here, - that the person feared for his or her sons growing up in an increasingly mysogynistic culture with children bombarded with easily accessible violent, degrading hard-core pornography.
It wouldn't occur to me that they were worried about their lovely boys being snapped at for holding the door open for ladies! Or not having a hot dinner ready for them every night because their wife has a career...

BillSykes the Jo Malone thread went poof so I think that was a troll too.

As for the op, context is everything. Yy some misogynists use 'I fear for my sons' to decry evil feminists; to deny that women are more at risk of DV; to pretend that women aren't paid less or disadvantaged in the workplace. When they say 'I fear for my sons' they actually mean they fear the status quo being challenged.

That is a massive difference from someone saying they fear for their sons because of the pressure a capitalist, patriarchal, machismo, celebrity and social-media-obsessed society places on them. It's different from saying I fear for my sons because the education system seems to favour a certain type of learning that may disadvantage them. It's different from saying I fear for my sons because suicide rates are higher for teenage boys.

Fearing for our sons in those contexts is valid. Fearing for our sons because feminists are still seeking equality for women, is a red herring.

There was a thread on here not long ago where a woman, recently divorced had starting receiving loads of contact and messages from friends husbands and partners, just checking up on her blah blah blah but actually as the messages progressed they were becoming sexual and suggestive in tone.

She was absolutely ripped apart by some and it was even suggested that they must think she was a prostitute. And funnily enough there was also a remarkable amount of fear for sons and decent husbands on that thread because she had questioned who these men are that are doing it. So on a thread about women receiving unwanted sexual attention and loads on posters came on to say they'd experienced similar, many posters first thought was fear for their sons

That's what I thought of when I read the OP.

Bill, no one on that thread said he deserved a slap. Most posts said 'violence is never acceptable, but what's the backstory?' The reason for all the questioning was that he was a pretty obvious troll. Who was seeking to prove that MN is full of man-haters. Seriously, go on AIBU and say you hit your husband. You'll get torn to shreds and no one will say he deserved it.

I fear for my sons for all sorts of reasons. Feminism isn't one of them.

I have a son with an ASC and Physical (as opposed to Vocal) Tourettes. He also happens to wear stripy trousers, have purple hair (sometimes red, sometimes pink, blue, green).
He has a first in Lit. Assumptions are made before speaks.
I'm with Mrs DeVere

Maryz, I fear for all teenagers with the access to porn and the culture of sexting. It's terrifying. Because I have boys, I worry especially about how it may affect them and your story sends chills down my spine.

I totally agree with MrsDV

People fear for their offspring for all sorts of reasons anyway.

So why not listen to the reasons why they fear for them, instead of making assumptions.

I worry about sexting for all my children.

Eldest a girl is about to start secondary and I've had to talk about this but she is a sensible sort - younger DS has time to grow up bit but I do worry about him.

It's taken much more teaching to get him to understand about internet security - people aren't who they say they are and passwords mustn't be shared - I could so see him just deleting a picture like in Maryz account. He has a much more gullible trusting personality than his sisters and often doesn't say if things are upsetting him.

When ds was 14 a female classmate sent him (unsolicited) a picture of her naked from the waist up - she sent it to half a dozen boys.

Despite the fact that he immediately deleted the photograph and blocked her, he was called in by the school and threatened with suspension and police action - the reason given was that he should have reported it to someone confused. It turned out that one of the boys had forwarded the photograph to others, and another had sent back a picture of himself naked. The resulting hoo-ha involved parents and police (understandably).

In the end, ds was let off with a warning; the boy who forwarded the picture was suspended and the other boy excluded from school. Fair enough, one might say, but there was no punishment for the girl at all. She was classed as "vulnerable" and given counselling and extra support.

While I get she probably needed it, it seems to me that since all the kids were the same age, the whole thing was started by the girl, the boys didn't do anything that she didn't do (send "child porn" over their phones), their treatment by the school was very different based on their sex.

So the girl sent a naked photo of herself to her "boyfriend", who then forwarded it to all of his friends, including your son. And you think this was fine because she "started" it?

How disgusting.

You get that many girls can be pressured into sending naked pictures. Most of the sexts are of girls bodies, not male bodies. The same boys who ask for pictures then slut shame and bully girls over sending them. Teenage girls have killed themselves and had to leave school over sending sexts to their boyfriends".

When boys are slut shamed for having sex, it'll be the same. If my son hung around with a group of boys and engaged in this behavior, I'd be ashamed. Horrific.

Laser, that is an outright lie. In fact, some posters were claiming that it was a deliberate troll trying to 'expose MNs misandry' and quite a few posters pointed out that the replies were doing that all on their own.

A lot of the posts directly said he deserved it. Others, like the ones you describe, indirectly implied he deserved it because there had to be some kind of back story which justified it. For example if she didn't go out very often: lie in & slap therefore justified. If he didn't pull his weight in the household: lie in & slap justified.

I can't imagine any circumstances on MN where it would be acceptable to say to a woman who had been hit that there must be a back story which justified why she had been hit.

A11 the post says the girl sent it to half a dozen boys herself. I disagree she should be punished though. She only harmed herself, whereas the boy who later sent it on to others (aside from the initial dozen she sent it to) was harming someone else. That's the difference rather than sex IMO.

But I think the OPs DS was unfairly punished and that was probably because of sex.