.. to think that "I fear for my sons" and ..

[BertrandRussell]

"I feel sorry for my sons" are just new ways of saying "I hate feminists"?

I'm a feminist. I fear for my lovely 22 year old dd. he's very soft and tender hearted. I worry he will get stamped on in this hideous selfish world.

I fear for him as he is part of Generation Rent. I fear he will never own a house.

'There is more protection for girls, boys are always seen as the aggressor.'

Are you actually serious? There is more protection for girls?? Protection from what? There certainly isn't more protection from rape or sexual assault, considering that practically every girl in the entire world experiences some level of sexual violence in their lives and 85000 women in the UK are raped every year. Two women a week are killed by men.

Boys are seen as the aggressor because 95% of the time they are the aggressor. That doesn't mean they get punished for it though. Look at that poor girl who was assaulted in America - there were two eye witnesses and he still only got 6 months and there are still people claiming it's her fault that a man took her unconscious body and violated it.

I only see people say this on threads where all men are being tarred with the pervert/rapist/abuser brush or other blatant man hating.

I see what you mean branofthemist but most people saying things like this will mean

those darn feminists making life hard for boys

not

the patriarchy is bad for boys too, we all need feminism.

Absolute rubbish. You can't say what most of the people mean. Your assumption of what they mean, means nothing.

There was thread on mn last year about men working in nurseries and a couple posters admitted they wouldn't allow their kids to be looked after by a male nursery worked because a man doing that job must be only doing it to get access to young kids.

It made my blood run cold, that there are some people (yes a minority) who think a man wanting to work with children equals a peadophile.

When I hear people say things like that, yes I fear for my son that some people will assume he is a peadophile if he choose to work with children.

Besides which, I get fed up of people complaining care type jobs fall to women but the actively stand in the way of men doing it.

A girl at school punched my ds and her parents praised her for it in the school yard at pick up time. My response was simply 'so if I punch your husband and break his nose, you would think I was amazing?' Apparently that wouldn't be ok.

So yes I worry that some parents think a girl hitting a boy is acceptable, but if ds had done it to the daughter there would have been hell on.

I fear for my son in many ways that has nothing to do with hating feminists.

It's called being a parent. When I see people treating my children in certain ways, be it positive or negative, based in their gender...yes I worry.

"I feel sorry for my sons" are just new ways of saying "I hate feminists"?

Or, indeed, "I mistrust women."

Raise your sons to be clear & straightforward with people, and think of women and girls as fully human, not objects.

Totally what MrsDeVere said. I only have a son, of course I worry about his future.

It's not remotely an unfeminist thing to say.

Anecdatally, I was raised by a radical feminist. My sister and I grew up strong and confident. My brother didn't, and has had life long issues which affect his relationships.

BertrandRussell

Just out of interest do you have a son?

I fear for my son because he's five months old and the world is full of knives. He's so tiny and vulnerable.

I fear for him because I can already see the world trying to shove him into a little box marked 'boy' and he can't even crawl yet.

If I had a daughter I'd fear for her just as much. But I have a son.

Don't try and tell me what my own words mean.

Yes. Why?

My DS has been bullied at school only once and that was by a girl who stabbed him in the face with a pencil. She has no known issues and I actually know the family a little through church. He just wanted to get on with his work and she demanded attention, I wonder what kind of woman she will end up being.

I know a lot of men because I worked in an engineering environment and also game and know loads though only to talk to while gaming and not in real life. A couple of them have admitted to me that their ex girlfriends were violent towards them. They didn't recriminate, I'm the only person they have told, they feel ashamed. One of them is very vulnerable to abuse. I worry about him.

Do you ever fear for him? For his future?

What makes you think fearing for your son make a person anti-femininist?

Bran, I agree - it has cock all to do with 'hating feminists'.

I have spent 20 yrs working in a male dominated environment (often the only female in 200+ men).

I have 2 boys.

They have grown up with a dad who is very 'typically' male - 6' 3" rugby player etc etc.

Their upbringing has been 50/50 co-parented, with their dad doing the cooking & shared cleaning, child related stuff & general daily household stuff.

This is their normal, and although I get regular eye rolls when I'm banging the 'feminist drum', they have been engaged in all sorts of discussions around privilege etc over the years.

I do fear for my boys, and feel sorry for my boys when I see men being demonised by default on many threads.

My boys have been brought up to be open minded & fair - they can't be the only ones surely?

I think feminism has a long fucking way to go judging by the ignorance and misogyny expressed on this thread, on mumsnet FFS!

I am the parent of two teen boys and I agree with MrsDevere. So many assumptions made about teen boys and massive generalisations on MN.

In RL for me luckily things are a bit more balanced.

YANBU.

Sometimes when I read that on here what it actually makes me think is that they hate women. Which is equally baffling as it's a woman writing it. Often it's on threads about contraception choices.

I don't why there so much "fear" for sons/men to be honest. They seem to have been doing pretty well at the top of the chain for time immemorial. Not sure why even just questioning and discussing that should be frightening people.

Everything MrsDevere said. Word for word.

*Depends on the context...

For example If you've gone back in time and king Herod is in town....*

Another example would be in an emergency situation though, such as a sinking ship etc
"Women & children first"
I would fear for my sons in that context too.

They seem to have been doing pretty well at the top of the chain for time immemorial

As a group, yes they are doing bloody well, but my son is an individual. Not all men do well, individually.

My child is an individual. I am not going to say 'ah well men as a group are doing alright so suck it up buttercup' to things that effect him.

I agree bran not sure my DSs have made it to the top of any sort of chain at 14 and 16.

YABU. There are quite solid reasons why parents might worry about boys. I have 3 and my worries include the fact they are more likely to be victims of crime, lack of MH support and the risk of suicide and possible lack of achievement at school because they are in a group which is falling behind. I also have a bit of an ephemeral worry about war looking more likely in their generation and having to send them away to fight. None of these are associated with feminism though, more just with society in general.

I don't think day to day when interacting with people IRL or looking at the mainstream media etc.

In fact, I would say that the only time I have ever genuinely felt anything close to 'I fear for my sons' that might be related to feminism is on MN. And I think MN is pretty damn extreme (esp some posters) in that regard and not a great reflection of RL.

But just to give an example of two posts from this week:

One was a poster who knowingly overspent her share of the budget (£70 on Jo Malone and also on a big night out) despite the fact she was aware that would mean her partner subbing her from his share of the budget later in the month. Now a man doing that would be a financial abuser. In this case a lot of posters were saying he should practically beg her to be allowed to rearrange her finances to pay for all this because she shouldn't have to worry her pretty little head about bills when she smelled so lovely. Which was a bit .

But the second (probably a troll, but regardless) was a poster who said that their wife had gone out drinking all night and they'd tried to wake her up from her hangover to help out and she'd slapped him. About 75% of the responses were blaming him and saying he deserved it for not looking after the children on his own!

And the thread about any sexually active straight man automatically being a rapist was worrying.

So yes, I do worry when I read things like that, that a son of mine could get into a relationship with someone who has internalised these attitudes and rationalises them in terms of 'feminism'. But then I just log off and try and remember it's not RL, it's the Internet, and they would be very, very unlucky to come across someone that extreme IRL.

YABU.