To have the rage with parents blatantly not rsvping to dds party

[Cluesue]

Dd who will be 4 next week is having a whole class party,party is for 30 children,any extra children who attend have to be paid for above the set price,baring this in mind(there are 30 in class and 6 friends children coming) I put an rsvp date (yesterday)and asked politely if they could let me know by then as I need exact numbers.

4 !! Replies the day the invites went out and none at all til yesterday evening,where I got 3 more,physically went to speak to 3 and outright asked if they'd got the invites,yes they had them,but no bloody mention of if they are coming so I'm just assuming they are.

Well I was so peed off that I got in touch with all the people who had bothered to reply to say they could bring siblings.

As it stands there are 27 children coming,but what the fffing he'll do I do about the other 20 who haven't bothered to reply,if they turn up I'm looking at forking out another £50 plus there won't be enough room or party bags,I'm tempted to tell the staff at the venue that if they show up they either pay themselves or go home again.

First big party I've done and it will certainly be the last

What's wrong with saying regrets only need reply?

Then send out a second text to say closer to the day :

finalising numbers with venue today for deposit, so please get back to me if XX can't make it.
If I dont hear from you XX is on the Party vip list and is booked in, see you there!

Rainbow, we had strict numbers and I gave the places away with 3 days to go. They simply couldn't be accommodated. The parents only had themselves to blame.
...my windows put through? Sounds a charming place to live I actually had a lot of support from a lot of the other parents who did bother to respond.

As for "RSVP for party details" - you're just putting people in an awkward spot if they have to make an excuse AFTER you tell them where it is (because by RSVPing for details, you know they're free, but if it's too far because they're short of money for transport it's harder for them to "save face" if they then can't go)*

Late, but this.

Logistics come into this too - sometimes you make the decision based on whether you'll need a grownup there, which you effectively do if you're a half-hour drive away. If it's at a leisure centre and you can take uninvited siblings for a swim while the party is on the tennis court, that can be planned for.

Also with regard to only inviting children's real friends. At 3-5, their friendships often seem to be quite fickle or they don't specify who they like. One of DH's earliest memories is having a massive tantrum because a child he didn't like came to his party after his mum had asked the teacher who he played with.

I wonder if anyone does Alfie-style parties nowadays - party tea and games - although I do feel sorry for Bernard's mum left alone with a group of nursery school aged children to entertain! Unfortunately both my children have winter birthdays otherwise I would consider doing a bouncy castle in the garden.

This is a pet hate of mine! It's just so rude. I always rsvp- usually the day we get the invitation so I can't forget, at worst within the same week. I have 3 DC, my eldest has had two whole class parties- the last one I had all of 3 rsvps from a class of 30. About 11 turned up-turned out there was another party on at more or less the same time for another child- I was gutted for her but luckily she didn't seem to care and still enjoyed herself.

I have just been asked if I want to go on a works meal , if I didn't reply and then turned up there would be no meal for me! It would be my fault not the people who organised the outing.

Having difficulties at home which mean you cannot give the party headspace is one thing. It's the turning up when you haven't bothered to reply which is rude. What goes through a parents head to think it's acceptable to turn up to a party they haven't RSVPd to? And worse, to turn up with extra non invited children?

If someone texted me to say due to childcare issues they'd need to bring their other children then assuming no safety issue due to age restriction I'd say 'of course' I'd expect them to pay if soft play or similar and I'd expect the parent to be responsible for them. I've heard of parents bringing siblings then leaving! They are the same sort of parents that phone sahp at 7am during school hols asking if the sahp can have their child for the day. (Thread last wk)

I've learned that you should only invite kids to parties whose parents mobile numbers you already know then you can chase them up by text a few days before the RSVP cut off date - NEVER rely on "catching people at the gate". Also 30 kids is a hell of a lot for a 4th birthday party coz at that age the parents often want to hover around and that's a lot of parents to accommodate too!

I don't think these people know what RSVP actually means. Put - please reply by (date) or will assume you can't come - that should sort the buggers.

I organised a joint birthday party for my eldest DS and husband last year. DS turned 13, husband turned 40 I invited our entire home ed community, as well as some other friends and schooled friends.

Of the home ed community, not one person showed up. A few had let me know they were coming, then just didn't show up. Some gave really lame reasons, like not knowing how late the party was on till (5-9pm,) even thought I had let everyone know on at least 4 separate occasions.

There were 9 kids there all together, and 5 of those were mine. My DS had a great time, I was livid.

This was the 2nd time the HE community let us down. I am loath to organise a party again but my eldest DD is 13 next year and wants a party.

I don't undetstand what is so hard about a quick text or FB message "Sorry, can't make it" or what ever.

Sorry this is happening OP. Hope you have a good time anyway thought.

It's the 'ohhhh I don't know....'.

Sorry but you've have six sodding weeks to work out who can drive Timmy to the party. I just do the event organization - I don't do transport as well.

I have never had this - not once, and neither did anyone else at DD's school. In Reception to Year 2 there were whole class parties plus siblings and children from the other same year classes. Party invitations were sent out, and a gentle reminder by email if one or two were late.

From Year 3 to Year 6 the invitations were usually sent out by email. All the mums did this.

I cannot believe reading this thread that there are so many bloody rude people out there.

OP, I wouldn't leave them on the list at the door, and tell the staff NOT to find you if anyone turns up.

Oh dear, what a nightmare for you. When you ask the parents whether they got the invite just say, " just wondering if you are able to come as I have to confirm numbers with the venue".
I have been quite lucky and have only ever had to chase a few that haven't answered. I always put a rsvp by on the invitations and if not answered invite others. then I get a reply from the first invite making it a very large party. This has often happened with my twins as they have to choose a few friends to keep numbers down.
Recently, I have been to 2 parties where the parents have said they invited 20 odd who had said yes and only 4 turned up. Loads of food left over, party bags etc very inconsiderate. Good luck x

Some people are rude, there are always non responders for every event. Particularly kids parties, I think you just have to chase them up if you need firm numbers. After a few years you get to know who these people are and whether they are likely to turn up or not turn up after their non response!

I asked nursery to give the invite and a couple of days later to ask the parents of the kids in my DD's class if they were coming. They had a list and they gave it back by the deadline. I found it brilliant and helpful. They also give us a list of children's names every Christmas, so we can do Christmas cards. I guess this is not the norm? She's my first and I don't know the etiquette but I always reply about going / not going.

Back in the 'Old Days' (1990s/2000s) I think children went to less parties so maybe there was more novelty value or it was easier to keep on top of invites?
Not making excuses (as I don't think there are any) just speculating as to possible reasons.

What I'd love to do but wouldn't as whilst it would make the point to the parent it would upset the child:
-Rope in a friend/relative who won't know any of the mums. Give them a list of all who have replied and a clipboard. If anyone shows up who isn't on the list they are told, "sorry we didn't have a reply so obviously assumed you weren't coming and haven't catered for you/have invited someone else instead"

I was thinking in do the RSVP for party details this year and change at last minute, last year I ask for RSVP and only 5 did , I was surprised to see 10 others that didn't bother turn up, this year, I chased the parents to ask if they would come and they said yes, didn't turn up. I don't invite those trouble parents again and move on on the others that I meet along the way, but will put RSVP for party venue next time, at end the usual friends will still coming anyway.

Use paperless post. It's a great app and RSVPs are all managed online. You can see clearly who has responded and who hasn't. You can send a message to anyone that hasn't asking them to let you know by X date or you will assume their DC won't be coming'. We all use them in our class and don't seem to have issues like this. Such a shame people are so rude.

That's exactly what I am seeing, my lo will go into year 1 , and I already know who to invite or not! The problem now is that she wants only all girls party and is only few girls that come, so I convince her this year to let the boys coming and I had a idea who to not invite for her next party!

My dd got a party invite today. I rung the mum up today and kindly accepted. Common courtesy and good manners cost nothing.

They will rsvp next time!😂

I've got this scenario going on now. 5th birthday party where the whole class is invited. RSVP date is tomorrow and only a handful of replies, which experience tells me won't increase that much before party day.
I've deliberately booked a soft play venue that only charges for the children who actually turn up but it still gives me the rage because of the party bags and the sheer rudeness of it.

I've had a party for a four year old where one of the invited mums brought along a friend and her kids, and this friend brought along two teenagers who proceeded to spend the duration of the party (in a church hall, bouncy castle, etc) SNOGGING! It was a joint party with a friend of mine, and neither of us said anything as we both thought each other had invited them. It was only after the party we realised what had happened.

Somebody also got the boys a joint present and card - we had their photo on the invite, and they are clearly not twins (one pale and ginger, one mixed race). Are they meant to timeshare it?

And yes to all the comments about people who don't RSVP. How the hell can you plan a party if you don't know how many people are coming?

I have had loads who didn't reply turn up on the day, some with siblings! And some who turn up and drop their kids off without bothering to tell you that they're leaving (we're talking Reception age!). And when I've chased some up and asked if they've had the invite, they just say 'oh yes, thankyou, I had meant to reply...' And leave the conversation dangling there until I say 'so, are you coming?!'

Bloody hell, seems like there are a lot of twatty, rude parents around.

Prepared to be shot down in flames here, but I have just sent a message about a party today that is tomorrow. And that's not the first time. I do feel bad(ish) but I work full time, and study too atm, and it pops into my head to reply and then out again when someone distracts me. Usually a DC. Then they go to bed and I flop and forget all. Then I remember the next day, and get distracted and so on... I try to reply immediately which works best, but not always possible, especially if an after school party as I have to make special arrangements w other parents to get child there as I am at work. So that derails me. Not asking for sympathy just saying what happens in my house.

I get round it myself by only having smallish parties for my DCs and politely following up by text. I don't judge people. There are so many parties to keep up with it's easy to drop a ball. I try to even things out by not doing a drop and run at a party (unless expected to), offering to stay and help and generally trying to be nice to people. I wouldn't say I'm a rude person I just have so much stuff going on.

Life is full of shades of grey, imho.