To have the rage with parents blatantly not rsvping to dds party

[Cluesue]

Dd who will be 4 next week is having a whole class party,party is for 30 children,any extra children who attend have to be paid for above the set price,baring this in mind(there are 30 in class and 6 friends children coming) I put an rsvp date (yesterday)and asked politely if they could let me know by then as I need exact numbers.

4 !! Replies the day the invites went out and none at all til yesterday evening,where I got 3 more,physically went to speak to 3 and outright asked if they'd got the invites,yes they had them,but no bloody mention of if they are coming so I'm just assuming they are.

Well I was so peed off that I got in touch with all the people who had bothered to reply to say they could bring siblings.

As it stands there are 27 children coming,but what the fffing he'll do I do about the other 20 who haven't bothered to reply,if they turn up I'm looking at forking out another £50 plus there won't be enough room or party bags,I'm tempted to tell the staff at the venue that if they show up they either pay themselves or go home again.

First big party I've done and it will certainly be the last

My Daughter (I refuse to do the dd or ds shortening ) was 4 in May. .no party, just family. .she starts school sept..shall have a 5th birthday party next year and I'm sorry but I'm not inviting the whole class. When younger, I got to pick amount of friends..Some class invited..Some not..I learnt that you get invited to some parties and not others..why go to a party of someone who's not a friend or invite people who aren't friends?

We invited the whole class & football team/karate buddies to our 7yr old son's party - there were a lot of invites & everybody except 1 RSVP'd. It helped that we have a fb group for the class & I got the sports parents to confirm when I saw them at training.

Then the day before the party, we got a call from the swimming pool, saying they were expecting us & where were we? After some stressing out, they left it on the Sunday, but moved us to an hour earlier. I put messaged on FB, text the others who had replied previously & everyone was able to make the new time.

As we were getting out of the pool to give out the bits & pieces, the child who hadn't RSVP'd turned up. Mum was going mental that she'd not been told about the change of time & that her child had left her father's earlier on his weekend for this party etc. etc. Once I pointed out that she'd never actually told me her DD was coming, so I assumed she wasn't, the mum calmed down & backed off.

I don't know what the answer is other than stalking them, but I know that if you don't reply & something happens with the timing, then you can't moan you missed out!

I was late to reply to an invite recently, my daughter had left it in her drawer so I didn't know about it! Felt very bad as I know organising party is a nightmare but always worth chasing replies as parent(s) may not be aware!

We're fortunate that most of the other parents round here do respond. Did a large party (24 actually attended) last year for DS's 5th birthday - only a few didn't respond either way. Did still get one who didn't turn up, and 2 who we weren't expecting who did.

This year we did a smaller activity party (12 attended) and I think only one didn't respond. Everyone who we were expecting turned up.

I just think parents are massively busy, so I don't judge them. I hope I always replied to every party invite when my DD was small, but between an almost full time job and childcare I bet I missed and forgot lots of things :-/

These things were always so gendered, too, which was infuriating! I hope it's better now, but I always found that despite the fact that I was main earner and my male partner did most of the day time childcare, it was alway me that was expected to keep track of playdates, parties, cake bake things etc. I remember another mother getting really cross with me because I said I didn't have time to bake cakes for a school charity thing. Funnily enough they never asked or got cross with my partner. Grrrr

Rab19
Was that the swimming pool mistake or yours? What a nightmare!

I just think parents are massively busy, so I don't judge them

And now we have the competitive business, as if anyone who does reply to an invitation is an under-occupied old-fashioned saddo.

I don't like large all-class parties and can see the point of those who say that it can come across as all about the birthday child receiving 29 presents, but nevertheless it is an invitation and therefore requires a response. Just two seconds is all that's needed. I still think though that most non-responders are hedging their bets and seeing if they're doing anything else.

Even massively busy parents have manners too sometimes

i get that people are busy, can't be arsed, whatever.

However I do make a mental note of anyone who's dicked me about (I don't mean those who politely decline, call with sincere apologies after mixing up the date or text late after finding a crumpled invitation at the eleventh hour). Their DC go pretty much to the bottom of my list for future invitations.

I get the strong sense that others do the same as well, as my DC get a lot of invitations, and I think it's because we're turner-uppers.

Some of the piss-takers complain that their DC don't get invited to much, with no sense of self-awareness whatsoever.

I've arranged parties every year - some massive and others 3 ppl. Never had this issue. My invites clearly say that no RSVP will be assumed they can't make it as I need exact numbers. I also send invites via email and FB event so everyone has their own way of replying preference covered. And I do a ring round. No one ever offended and turn out always great.

Is it a geographic thing? I'm in the South East

The physical act of sending a text might take two seconds, but often in order to know whether the child can go the parent will need to speak to various other people and try to juggle or combine or delegate other children or appointments or potential commitments (rather than better offers) that day.

I know that if we receive a birthday invite before the date and time of an upcoming football match (to play in not watch) has been announced DS1 will be in agonies of angst because he will want to do both but is incredibly loyal to his team (despite it just being the local little one) and feels absolutely duty bound to play in every match - he is always on the player list because he is their only functional goal keeper :o That means he has turned down an all expenses paid birthday party trip to Legoland in order to play an Under 9s match in the mud, because he is firmly of the opinion that that is the right thing to do. If the match date email hasn't come out it is not about waiting for a "better offer" but waiting to see if the commitment DS feels he has made will prevent him attending a party he very much wants to go to.

If I am working that weekend and DS1 has a football match or DD has a concert (or both) and the kid/s without a commitment get/s a party invite we will have to find out whether one kid can get a lift with somebody as DH can't be in two places at once...

We do reply to invites but "it takes two seconds to send a text" is a massive over simplification - I'm sure for many people whose lives don't follow a very set timetable (due to shift working and sports and music fixtures and myriad other reasons) and it isn't about competitive busyness but just logistics.

I am glad parents are never expected to stay at parties locally as that really does sound intrusive on the weekend of not just the parent/s but siblings who have to be dragged along or farmed out and miss their own events too. I am also very glad they are not whole class parties - we are always willing to do some juggling for the party of one of the children's actual friends, and it works both ways (as does the willingness to actually talk to each other on the phone or face to face rather than just be snippy about people not RSVPing by a set date - though I agree a text should ideally be sent by that date).

Even when all the reasons are positive ones and kids have a lot of good stuff going on in their lives (not even one kid doing too much, simply siblings and parents all having a couple of commitments, especially if they are ones that happen at variable times) knowing whether child 1/2/3 will be able to go to a party on a date 4 weeks in the future isn't always a split second decision, there is often lots to juggle.

If you're still hanging on for a better offer at the rsvp date the polite thing to do would be decline (then not turn up at the party when better offer doesn't come off)

Because the people having the party don't have busy life's too. They don't have jobs and football matches etc etc.

Oh no, not at all. Compared to the non working, nanny hiring mums, my life is a picnic on the beach!

I had this a few years ago. I was livid. I had actually followed the invitations up with a text asking if they could make it. 6 turned up on the day after not replying. I had told the venue who was coming and said to check names. When they arrived I said I was sorry but we hadn't catered for them as they hadn't replied to either the initial invitation or the text. Much huffing and tutting and asking me what to do with their 6yr old who was excited about the party and they'd bought a gift. I said sorry but maybe next time you'll reply and let the host know. 3 of those parents never spoke to me in the 2 following years we were at the school but I don't give a shit. It's simply rude.

Where are the non working nanny hiring mums and who said anything about the people hosting having less logistical juggling?

I've said time and again I've hosted 18 or 20 parties by now between my kids and I always expect to ring around and see it as part of my job when organising.

If the party is for my kid I go out of my way to coordinate whether my guests can make it and don't get rage if they don't rsvp quick enough - if it's my kid's party I want my kid's friends there so that my kid will have a great time - I am not remotely interested in rewarding the best organised parents. If my kid's best mate's parents are scatty and disorganised I'll chase them because my kid wants theirs at the party - I'm not doing them a favour, I'm doing it for my kid.

That's kind of my point - it's properly odd to care about which parents get gold stars for prompt RSVPing rather than about your kid having the kids they are friends with at their one and only "all about me" day. If it becomes about only inviting the kids whose parents replied quickest last year the guests are just random spot fillers not your child's chosen friends. Odd criteria for party guest choice.

All the texting is odd too - actual phone calls here. We've never not turned up or had a guest not turn up. If it's all impersonal maybe it is easier to forget or think nobody will care as there will be a crowd anyway.

Nothing to do with being prompt. I sent out invitations 6wks ahead. Text 2wks before. How hard is it to text back? I have 4 children, one who has asd. DH works away a lot and I have zero family. If I can manage a polite text, the majority of other parents can too.

Why is texting odd? Most of the parents I barely know. When you work full time and aren't around at drop off or pick up then it's very likely that you don't know the other mums and dads by Y1 (which this was) I would find it more odd if a parent I didn't know called me and put me on the spot. Not that that would happen as I answer all invitations in good time.

Longchalk Kids you had invited, turned up to your child's party gift in hand, aged 6, and you sent them away because their parents hadn't responded???

That's horrible. Both for the children involved, and your own child too! That's not about making sure your child has a happy birthday, that's about scoring a point over a parent and hurting their kids for spite. I'm not surprised they didn't speak to you again. Round here you'd have had your windows put in.

Have had similar. The non replies always turn up. Plus the worst offender was 40 mins late collecting their kid from the party venue. A right pain in the harris. The kid was lovely - so I rang parents away from him and had a right go at them. Turns out the planned to be late all along as they attended another child's concert in another town. Cheeky feckers.

You pay for the ones that are coming & if any others show up you tell therm they will have to pay for themselves because they did not RSVP. It is a total lack of manners not to make a quick phone call to confirm attendance & brick bats to the ones that keep it up in the air, they don't say yes just incase they get a better offer in the meantime. If they are too rude to confirm then they should suck it up if they show up unconfirmed.

My child has special needs and spends the last 15 or so minutes of the day in another classroom with a 1-2-1! Therefore misses all letters, home work or invites! no one talks to the special needs child's mum so it's not like I get chance to explain so it's not always rudeness, I generally don't know.

Genuinely

I would hate to have to ring round parents. I'd be worried about disturbing them or putting them on the spot. I have a friend who just does little parties at home but she texts people to invite them.

Whole-class parties are definitely common here. There have been 11 out of DS's Reception class of 30 so far this year (of which five have been in the same place)! A further five children didn't do a big party this year but did in the nursery year, so that's more than half the class who've had a big party at some point. I get that they're not everyone's cup of tea, but if your child is invited surely it's common courtesy to reply yes or no by the date, if there is one - village hall type parties don't usually have a deadline but it will make things easier for the parents if they know numbers to plan food and activities.