Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have the rage with parents blatantly not rsvping to dds party

309 replies

Cluesue · 07/06/2016 22:09

Dd who will be 4 next week is having a whole class party,party is for 30 children,any extra children who attend have to be paid for above the set price,baring this in mind(there are 30 in class and 6 friends children coming) I put an rsvp date (yesterday)and asked politely if they could let me know by then as I need exact numbers.

4 !! Replies the day the invites went out and none at all til yesterday evening,where I got 3 more,physically went to speak to 3 and outright asked if they'd got the invites,yes they had them,but no bloody mention of if they are coming so I'm just assuming they are.

Well I was so peed off that I got in touch with all the people who had bothered to reply to say they could bring siblings.

As it stands there are 27 children coming,but what the fffing he'll do I do about the other 20 who haven't bothered to reply,if they turn up I'm looking at forking out another £50 plus there won't be enough room or party bags,I'm tempted to tell the staff at the venue that if they show up they either pay themselves or go home again.

First big party I've done and it will certainly be the last

OP posts:
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 08/06/2016 18:07

The only thing more annoying than non responders are the people who think that placing an invite into a child's drawer in school, with no warning, and expect they parent to know it's there Smile
I had this recently, when I got a load of verbal for not replying, when I had no idea there was a party, let alone that my DS had been invited to it.

LisaC7 · 08/06/2016 18:11

Why bother with big class parties?
We've always gone with appx 10 kids maximum. Easier to organise, you can pay more per child for a better party venue/experience if you wish and chasing up 10 mums is easier than 30!!

SoddingPufflers · 08/06/2016 18:19

I have never done whole class parties, max of 12 and people have been quite good. One year I offered to pick up/drop a few kids whose parents didn't drive and happily did so. We lived a way away from the school. When I got home at Party - 10 mins to go, I got a text from a mother who had never replied to the invite to ask when I was collecting her daughter. !!! I had a houseful and an entertainer and had to send dh and DD back to get her. I was mighty pissed off but DD wanted her there. So DD missed the start of her own party.

Deathstare33 · 08/06/2016 18:24

I hate this. Especially when you can't afford to invite a large number of people and some kids have to miss out who could have been invited if you knew who was coming and who wasn't.

I think maybe next time I'll write RSVP is nessary to secure your place. Then give reception a list of RSVP names. Then it's a case of if your names not down your not coming in!

Chrisinthemorning · 08/06/2016 18:28

YANBU. DS party is on Saturday and I still have 2 who haven't replied. I've done party bags for them but told the venue numbers without them, if they show up I can pay for them on the day and I will give extra party bags to any random younger siblings.
It's really really rude not to RSVP.
Ours is a whole class party- they are nearly all having whole class parties I think. The class FB group is really helpful, the 2 who I haven't heard from aren't in the group. I've tried to spot them at pick up and drop off to no avail- they must go to crèche.

2nds · 08/06/2016 18:29

I won't be organising whole class parties lol that's just insane.

Pearlman · 08/06/2016 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cluesue · 08/06/2016 19:05

Yes but as proved throughout the thread,no reply is not necessarily a no,they could turn up

OP posts:
CaptainCrunch · 08/06/2016 19:06

Pearlman, "sorry to be blunt" but I worked full time, had 2 dc under 5 and 2 elderly parents, one with dementia, the other a violent alcoholic and I still managed to be polite enough to rsvp.

CaptainCrunch · 08/06/2016 19:08

...and I was a senior social worker with a heavy caseload. I just don't get the "I'm too busy/forgetful" shite, it's rude, end of.

Chrisinthemorning · 08/06/2016 19:09

I have assumed that. I now know who to avoid in the class as well!
I work and look after a 4 year old and still reply to his invitations. It isn't too of my to do list but it still gets done.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 08/06/2016 19:10

Youve invited way more than you've budgeted for in a fit of? what? panic?
so if you have to pay extra now you have nobody to blame but yourself.

FYI I always RSVP, but I never expect everyone else to.

As for "RSVP for party details" - you're just putting people in an awkward spot if they have to make an excuse AFTER you tell them where it is (because by RSVPing for details, you know they're free, but if it's too far because they're short of money for transport it's harder for them to "save face" if they then can't go)

NeverNic · 08/06/2016 19:11

Son's birthday a week or so ago. We did the party over bank holiday, same as last year. Last year we invited 12 of his nursery friends (who he has been with since baby room. Had a hall and entertainer. 8 didn't RSVP. 1 did turn up. 2 others were sick on the day (1 of which, I'd invited siblings too, so missed 5 guests). Luckily we invited family friends and cousins, too which bumped the numbers up, so the entertainer wasn't wasted. Based on this, this year what the heck let's invite all of the children in his preschool class (doing the same days as him) AND family / friends. Almost everyone rsvp'd the day before I asked for replies back either yes or no, and a few didn't show but still we ended up with over 34 children - so that approach completely backfired . Can't win with parties

RortyCrankle · 08/06/2016 19:27

It's extremely rude not to RSVP. Would it be considered rude to add in big bold letters on the invitation that if you do not receive a reply, you will assume a decline and please do not turn up as there will be insufficient refreshment/party bags etc. I can't believe it's ruder than not replying.

Booboostwo · 08/06/2016 19:28

Schwab the two kids off my list take the bus, everyone else I managed to track down but that still included a 'yes' who never turned up on the day with no apology and a 'I don't know yet, we may have a better offer' two days before the party!

Pearlman · 08/06/2016 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainCrunch · 08/06/2016 19:44

It's not "precious", it's rude and indefensible behaviour to not respectfully decline or accept an invitation. Parents like you Pearlman are irresponsible, lazy and ill mannered and you're teaching your dc it's ok to behave like that.

Pearlman · 08/06/2016 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpotOfWeather · 08/06/2016 19:55

Organising big parties is stressful so I get where you're coming from, but it was your decision to invite 30 children. If you're unable to chase up the invites then you should accept the risk you're taking and not push the blame on someone else.

I now try to RSVP as soon as I can (usually within a week), but in the past:

  • I didn't know what the RSVP means and took it to be a contact number 'just in case' (I am not British and a non-native speaker);
  • The invite got lost;
  • I didn't know who the invite was from and couldn't make my mind up - the name of the birthday child was there but I had no idea who he was;
  • My child ripped the invite to pieces and binned it because they didn't want to go. I discovered the pieces after the party took place;
  • An invite I sent out went to the wrong child by mistake (teacher gave it to the wrong kid) and they accepted, even though there was someone else's name on it;
  • I accepted the invite and forgot to come due to other stressful events happening at the time. Shoot me.

Things happen. Among the 30 people there will be some who are busy and aren't checking children's bookbags, there will be some people who are ill, some will be grieving, some will be in the middle of a divorce, there will be some who are not sure whether to go or not, and yes there will even be those who genuinely can't be bothered to reply. You invited a lot of people.

I would assume that non-responders are coming. You can't withdraw an invites you already sent out. So the only other option is to pay. I think that's fair.

AbyssinianBanana · 08/06/2016 20:09

They're not virtual strangers, pearlman. Your children are classmates and spend more waking time together than they do with you. And when you receive an invitation, you do owe a reply.

Booboostwo · 08/06/2016 20:24

That's a slightly sociopathic attitude Pearlman! The issuing of an invitation generates a responsibility to reply, you are not obliged to become friends or even attend the event but good manners and consideration for the time and effort of other people require all invitees to rsvp.

starry0ne · 08/06/2016 20:26

I find the I don't owe an reply even more bizarre.

Would you expect a meal to be booked for you if you hadn't replied to a wedding RSVP ?

Pearlman · 08/06/2016 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainCrunch · 08/06/2016 20:37

Because rights assume responsibility Pearlman and if you expect to be treated with manners, fairness and kindness you have a responsibility to act accordingly. What a pity you don't get that Biscuit

CaptainCrunch · 08/06/2016 20:39

...and if you keep that attitude up it won't be a problem because no one will invite you or your dc anywhere.

Swipe left for the next trending thread