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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed by a weekend away...

178 replies

lill72 · 07/06/2016 15:35

A weekend with friends and children was organised. I was never fully committed due to personal factors but was always annoyed that the location meant having to take children out of school or at least leaving work early - something not possible for my family. Apparently there are additional traffic delays meaning if you dont leave by after lunch, you will be signifianlty delayed. We can't leave early so now we are really forced to leave saturday morning. If we do this, we still have to pay the full amount for the weekend. This makes it a lot for one night. It is not like I have said I was in, I was almost a latecomer. But it seems like it is all in or not. Even though I was never fully in agreement in the first place. Feel like it suits certain people and I just have to slot it. What is fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 21:02

gees eveyone is very harsh!
Have been here a few years but only just got a car.
Let me be clear. I could not commit and was happy at that time to opt out completely. But my friend came up with this idea emailed to all saying i could opt in at any time. I said ok. but i did not inititaite this. and never would.

bolo - we were given one option. Thing is the same person has organised things in the past and everyone goes along with it, despite complaining about the price etc. They all feel the same as me , yet no one speaks up. It just feels like it is always something that suits them and no one else gets a say. I said from the outset leaving fri was not feasible. if it was sat and sun somewhere closer I would have committed at the time. But no other options were ever presented.

OP posts:
Bolograph · 07/06/2016 21:05

bolo - we were given one option.

No, you honestly weren't. "Sorry, I can't make it, have a great time".

Thing is the same person has organised things in the past and everyone goes along with it, despite complaining about the price

You're all so wet it's a wonder people don't shoot ducks off your back.

It just feels like it is always something that suits them and no one else gets a say.

What happens? Do they come over and point a gun at you or something? "Sorry, I can't make that. Have a great time!"

Olddear · 07/06/2016 21:09

It doesn't suit you to go, don't go. Give me her number and I'll phone her and tell her. Anything to put an end to this torture!

BranTriLlygaid · 07/06/2016 21:12

could opt in at any time

The important word there is could, as in you could do, or could not. Your choice, all yours, it's not a summons.

branofthemist · 07/06/2016 21:13

bolo - we were given one option.

No you weren't

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 07/06/2016 21:13

olddear 😬

Fenullafabulous · 07/06/2016 21:15

Oh. Ok.
Maybe don't go.
Yes, don't go. Dont worry too much about it.

LyndaNotLinda · 07/06/2016 21:15

Here's an idea OP. How about next time you organise the weekend. You plan something to fit with everyone's requirements.

Good luck!

Bolograph · 07/06/2016 21:20

I'd love to hear the other side of this. "Thank fuck she isn't coming", I suspect.

Olddear · 07/06/2016 21:22

bolograph you're not wrong!

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 21:45

oh thanks guys - you really are saying this having no idea of our friendship. All is not as it seems. Relationships are complicated. You know.

I have tried to organise things but always get bulldozed by more alpha controlling people so I give up. If I say something I seem negative. I love these friends dearly but just find this group holiday thing quite difficult/

if you are bashing your head against the keyboard, dont keep reading. some people understand.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 07/06/2016 21:50

All the complications appear to be emanating from you, op. Starting with you having "no choice" in whether to join your friends on holiday or not.
All is not as it seems. So how the hell can anyone advise you on an issue which you seem to have deliberately obfuscated??

StopLookingAtMyAccount · 07/06/2016 21:50

OP, why are you so keen to go away with people that don't see bothered of you can come or not?

StopLookingAtMyAccount · 07/06/2016 21:51

Typo '...don't seem bothered if you can come'

Bolograph · 07/06/2016 21:54

All is not as it seems.

Nor are the owls.

rookiemere · 07/06/2016 21:55

OP here's a thing, if you find group holidays difficult, which you clearly do, then don't go on them.

There's no law saying you have to, you're clearly going through some changing times what with moving to the UK and your DH's job, your DD will honestly not be scarred from missing out on a weekend at 18 months.

You clearly don't want to do this group hut thing - don't blame you sounds hideous - so don't. Up to you if you pay anything - you need to check your email and texts to check if you definitely committed to anything at any point.

ChippyMinton · 07/06/2016 22:02

I'm curious how Saturday and Sunday would work for you with school and work on Monday?

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 23:02

chippy - just do saturday night drive back sunday.

is all fine - have spoken to someone else in the group about all this and all is good. so will finish up there....

OP posts:
BranTriLlygaid · 07/06/2016 23:17

Are you going or not then? Please, don't keep us in suspense.

MrsSpecter · 07/06/2016 23:53

Translated: whinged to someone else so they felt obliged to negotiate with the organiser for a change to the whole group's plans or even further reduction for OP. Yay!

00alwaysbusymum · 08/06/2016 00:10

I think you need to read your post back to yourself. Your friend organised a weekend away to suit herself.

As I am someone who also always ends up organising stuff and inviting friends / family, I know do it to suit me and if they don't like it they are welcome to organise something themselves and invite me.

Next time maybe you should organise something and see what a nightmare it is when people can't commit. Also you can always say no to a weekend away ?

ThePinkOcelot · 08/06/2016 07:21

So if the other trip happened a few years ago and you were here in the UK then, how are you not used to driving here yet?!!
Yet another AIBU where everyone says yes you are and OP says no I'm not!! YABU OP!!

Only1scoop · 08/06/2016 07:29

Don't go
Simples

Blimey thank God it's not a three week road trip

LyndaNotLinda · 08/06/2016 07:55

This is how these things work in my world. A coupe of weeks ago, a friend said she and another friend were planning a weekend away in, probably in X and did I want to come. I said yes.

Yesterday, she contacted me to say that the plan for X wasn't going to work so they were now thinking of doing Y instead. I replied and said that Y didn't work for me but hoped they'd have a lovely time.

The end.

I know that's a bit dull but it's probably one of the reasons we've been friends for 25 years

ExitPursuedByBear · 08/06/2016 08:02

£250 to stay in a hut Shock