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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed by a weekend away...

178 replies

lill72 · 07/06/2016 15:35

A weekend with friends and children was organised. I was never fully committed due to personal factors but was always annoyed that the location meant having to take children out of school or at least leaving work early - something not possible for my family. Apparently there are additional traffic delays meaning if you dont leave by after lunch, you will be signifianlty delayed. We can't leave early so now we are really forced to leave saturday morning. If we do this, we still have to pay the full amount for the weekend. This makes it a lot for one night. It is not like I have said I was in, I was almost a latecomer. But it seems like it is all in or not. Even though I was never fully in agreement in the first place. Feel like it suits certain people and I just have to slot it. What is fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:03

purplefx - it is not HER weekend. It is our group weekend away for our close knit group.

bran -- I dont mind if they go - i just dont want to pay for 2 nights when I sai fri was not good for me from the outset.

Tattcat - yes it is. That is not even for sheets, they are extra - this is crazy and I guess one of my issues as well. It is far from what I would have ever chosen. we have very different ideas when it comes to holidays

OP posts:
GarlicSteak · 07/06/2016 18:03

OK, you've posted more while I was posting.

This weekend doesn't suit your family situation, your driving skills or your social requirements. Don't go.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:04

sorry garlicsteak - my DH has not been working for 6 months so I could not commit. things happen hey.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 07/06/2016 18:05

lill, could you just clarify - do you think the others should miss out on the Friday night because you don't want to go until the Saturday?

blueskyinmarch · 07/06/2016 18:05

You don't like the location, you don’t like the accommodation, you don’t want to drive. Just give everyone else a break and don’t go.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:05

driving skills? social requirements? what are you on about - that is just rude.

OP posts:
Dozer · 07/06/2016 18:05

You are being really unreasonable. It doesn't suit your circumstances, so don't bloody go and stop obsessing over it and blaming others.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 07/06/2016 18:06

Sorry X-post. So you only want to pay for one night? Is that what your problem is?

branofthemist · 07/06/2016 18:06

Then don't go!

If it's not convienient and costs too much and not your thing....don't go.

Unless you have written friendship agreement that says otherwise, your fiends are not obliged not ensure every thing they do suits you. Sometimes they want to what suits them.

This is the sort of weekend they want to do. Next time you organise it for everyone and book somewhere you would like.

And since you didn't want to go any way, why do you care!

diddl · 07/06/2016 18:06

"it is not HER weekend. It is our group weekend away for our close knit group."

But it sounded as if it was never suitable for you.

Did you make other suggestions that would have been?

mylovegoesdown · 07/06/2016 18:07

How can a neurotypical adult have 'basically no choice' in going away with friends?.

Of course you have a choice so don't go if you don't want to or if it's inconvenient.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:07

Milk - no I dont. It is not the friday night that is the problem per say. It was the inference that we have to take fri off so we can get to the place at a reasonable hour as it is so far away. This was never an option for me. This i dont feel is fair. I said this from the start.

OP posts:
branofthemist · 07/06/2016 18:08

Op, you clearly think you are being reasonable..so why post?

Dozer · 07/06/2016 18:08

S/he who commits and books gets to choose. At the time of booking two of this group could not go and the others decided to book anyway: one still can't, the other might or might not but is for some reason feeling hard done by.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:09

bran - I know they are going to go on about it and say how I missed out. they did this when I couldnt go on the same trip a few years back. They kept saying how good it was. Ah!!

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 07/06/2016 18:10

But from the start you said you didn’t know if you could go anyway due to your DH’s job situation. This thread MAKES NO SENSE.

Fenullafabulous · 07/06/2016 18:10

I do feel for you.
It seems like this will be a struggle for you, and that you don't feel "listened to" by your friends.
Do you like the idea of going at all?
Maybe it would be good to go for the shorter time and just enjoy what you have iyswim.
Dont tie yourself in knots over it.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:11

bluesky - ie could not take the friday off if he was working. it does make perfect sense. actually.

OP posts:
Dozer · 07/06/2016 18:12

It doesn't work for you and your family to leave on friday and/or travel far away. They want to do that, with or without you and the other friend. So they can do that. Non issue.

GarlicSteak · 07/06/2016 18:12

I'm not the one who lacks manners, lill.

You're basically saying you want a weekend away with your friends. But you want a different weekend from the one that's been planned. It has been planned. You either go on this weekend in good spirit, or you duck out of it and organise something else later.

What you can't do is demand that everyone else changes their existing plans for your sake.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 07/06/2016 18:12

OK - so you can't go. Such is life, no biggie, no need for childish wailings of "it's not faaaaaaaiiir". We can't all do everything all the time.

YAB a bit childish.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/06/2016 18:13

Organising a large group to go anywhere is a complete and utter nightmare. You just cannot deal with a single 'we can't go friday', 'we can't go if it's £x, we can't go if it's in Wales' etc etc

Because of this, the only way it works, is if everyone commits before knows the finer details.

I can promise you, in case you've never organised anything like this, there's no way you can accommodate individual requests.

How my group now do it, is the person who is kind enough to organise it, basically get to choose.

In your position, I would;

If it's not affecting else anyone financially, not go.

Or if it is, I would go, and pay the full amount originally requested for the two nights.

branofthemist · 07/06/2016 18:15

I know they are going to go on about it and say how I missed out. they did this when I couldnt go on the same trip a few years back. They kept saying how good it was. Ah!!

And what? You don't want to go.

Grow up

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:15

Fenulla - yes you are right. I dont feel listened to and I guess we have been on a few trips and I feel like they are always organised by someone else and it has never been my thing. ie my type of holiday. I am not a natural leader so maybe dont feel confident to put my ideas forward to organise in case they didnt like. dont judge me harshly - i am pretty easy going but i guess after a few trips away it grates a bit.

Feel bad now if i dont [ay for 2 nights, but bad if i dont even if i always said fri wasnt good. If it wasnt for my DD, I wouldnt go I dont think.

OP posts:
TattyCat · 07/06/2016 18:15

If you didn't go on last year's trip either then I think they may stop inviting you anyway! Assuming that your DH was working then (more than 6 months ago) then why couldn't you go on that one either?

It really does sound as though your idea of a break doesn't fit with theirs, ever so on that basis, I wouldn't go and I'd book something for yourselves for that weekend and do your own thing. You won't have to drive 3 hours then either and can choose your own destination.