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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed by a weekend away...

178 replies

lill72 · 07/06/2016 15:35

A weekend with friends and children was organised. I was never fully committed due to personal factors but was always annoyed that the location meant having to take children out of school or at least leaving work early - something not possible for my family. Apparently there are additional traffic delays meaning if you dont leave by after lunch, you will be signifianlty delayed. We can't leave early so now we are really forced to leave saturday morning. If we do this, we still have to pay the full amount for the weekend. This makes it a lot for one night. It is not like I have said I was in, I was almost a latecomer. But it seems like it is all in or not. Even though I was never fully in agreement in the first place. Feel like it suits certain people and I just have to slot it. What is fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 17:27

andnow - maybe so, but with a 18 month old I am just not up for this yet. I am also new to driving in the uk so it is all a bit much.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 07/06/2016 17:27

Life is about accepting that sometimes things don’t quite work out in your favour. It isn’t life or death, it is a weekend break. Just chill. Make your decision and go with it.

diddl · 07/06/2016 17:27

" I was never fully committed due to personal factors but was always annoyed that the location meant having to take children out of school or at least leaving work early "

So why accept the "opt in"?

Just say no, no, no-as many times as necessary!

It's not complicated as from what you have written, it was never convenient!

WanHeda · 07/06/2016 17:27

So you want them to rearrange their trip and you haven't even said you are going on it? Well and truly U!

Itriedtodohandstandsforyou · 07/06/2016 17:28

Mrsspector sounds like a charmer not

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 07/06/2016 17:29

YabTOTALLYu

Just. Don't. Go.

MrsSpecter · 07/06/2016 17:30

Its a 3 hour drive. Have everything packed the night before, head off as soon as you've both finished work, grab maccy d's to eat in the car on the way. You'll be there for 10ish at the latest.

YellowDinosaur · 07/06/2016 17:30

Look. The bottom line is when your friends were trying to organise a trip you couldn't commit because of your dh being out of work. Fair enough. Your friends have left it as an option for you to come if your circumstances changed.

You are being totally and utterly unreasonable to expect them to factor your restrictions into their plans when you wouldn't / couldn't commit

How would it have been fair to them to make arrangements that didn't suit them if you then turned around and said you weren't going?

You have the choice now to fit in with them or to not go. Don't make things difficult for them when they have tried to accommodate you and done nothing wrong or unfair. Next time arrange it yourself then you can make sure you can go.

TattyCat · 07/06/2016 17:30

Op, do you do all the driving or does your DP?

MrsSpecter · 07/06/2016 17:30

Mrsspecter signed nothing to say she had to be charming.

rookiemere · 07/06/2016 17:31

Is it a self catering place hence why it's effectively booked for 2 nights not one?
Your friend must really like you to offer to subsidise your position. You should just have stated No upfront.

If you go on Saturday and leave early you'll still have lots of time there. Pay what your friend has suggested and go and try to relax a bit.

AndNowItsSeven · 07/06/2016 17:32

I can see driving it another country wrong side of road an get a bit of getting used to.
My pre school dc are 1, 2, 2 and 3 , I bought them all an Amazon kids fire and we have in car Internet for when I drive them on my own.

revealall · 07/06/2016 17:37

You seem more upset that your friend has organised this than the actual going. Are you a very close group? No sure why someone else not able to go is a concern. There's always someone who can't go in my experience.

Can one of them just take your DD if you are worried she'd miss out. Just give them the money you agreed and have a nice weekend with the baby on your own.

whois · 07/06/2016 17:38

Don't go OP. You're sounding miserable and resentful and that will bring the mood down.

If you can cheer up a bit about seeing your friends and approach this with a problem solving attitude... Then I would jist leave as soon as you get home from work. Put the kids in the car in PJs. Buy a drive through through for dinner. Give them an iPad or whatever to watch, or story book on the car stereo.

A three hour drive isn't a big deal! Leave at 8 after the traffic has died down and you'll be there by 11.

foodiefil · 07/06/2016 17:39

Have you been wishy-washy? Sounds a little bit like you have. If you've said 'yeah sounds fun' that's a yes to some people but you might think that's a 'I'll think about it later.'

If you didn't speak up when arrangements were being made it might be tough

ThatStewie · 07/06/2016 17:47

Just say no. There is no point if you are stressed out thinking about it. It is impossible to organise an activity that suits everyone when multiple families are involved. If it doesn't work for you, say no and message everyone on the day wishing them a good time. Then do something local with your family.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 17:50

who is- it is a 3 hour drive normally but at the moment is at least 5 due to bad traffic the place warned us. Arriving at 12 to basically a campsite when you are supposed to arrive before 9 then be a communal hut with friends al asleep. wit h a 18 month old. not ideal. dont even know how close we can get the car to the ut.

OP posts:
branofthemist · 07/06/2016 17:51

It was supposed to be a group arrangement that we were all happy with.

Everyone who confirmed they were going were all happy.

Why should the weekend suit you when you might no be going? And not suit everyone else?

I can't believe you expect them to not go Friday, just because you can't.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 17:52

foodie - always said Fri was no good for me. did state my case.
I am very stressed about it - feel like i could not win either way from the beginning as it never fully suited me. I just dont know.

OP posts:
WanHeda · 07/06/2016 17:54

Then you should have just said no, it's simple.

purplefox · 07/06/2016 17:54

YABVU I don't know how you could possibly think you're not.

I just feel like the friend orgnaised the weekend to suit her and what she could do (ie have fri off) Of course she would it was her weekend away that she was planning.

You could have just said no. Easily done.

MrsSpecter · 07/06/2016 17:54

Why are you stressed?? Just go on the saturday!

TattyCat · 07/06/2016 17:55

So Friday night alone was costing you £100? For a hut? Where on earth is it that can charge that much, assuming that there are at least 3 couples going, that'd be £300 just for one night!?

I'm in the wrong business...

branofthemist · 07/06/2016 17:56

But even if you were going, why should they not be allowed to go Friday night?

Why do they have to not go because your dh is working? It doesn't even make sense

GarlicSteak · 07/06/2016 18:00

feel like i could not win either way from the beginning

What do you need to win? Do you feel you're in a power struggle with your friends??

This has brought back memories of my hen weekend. I booked the rooms, all in the same cheap hotel to suit everyone's budget. Then two people decided to stay at a different hotel and do different things, one arrived on the second day, one pulled out at the last minute and two went home early. Neither of my bridesmaids came, but at least they had the good manners to say they weren't coming!

All the half-in, half-out, we're only partially coming with you, was ... enervating.