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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get annoyed by a weekend away...

178 replies

lill72 · 07/06/2016 15:35

A weekend with friends and children was organised. I was never fully committed due to personal factors but was always annoyed that the location meant having to take children out of school or at least leaving work early - something not possible for my family. Apparently there are additional traffic delays meaning if you dont leave by after lunch, you will be signifianlty delayed. We can't leave early so now we are really forced to leave saturday morning. If we do this, we still have to pay the full amount for the weekend. This makes it a lot for one night. It is not like I have said I was in, I was almost a latecomer. But it seems like it is all in or not. Even though I was never fully in agreement in the first place. Feel like it suits certain people and I just have to slot it. What is fair?

OP posts:

Original poster

lill72 · 07/06/2016 17:05

My DH did not have a job therefore we could not commit. So dont be so harsh people'

I was happy to opt out completely but my friend offered me an opt in later - i didnt ask for this.

I just said Fri travelling far was never good for me. But everyone else seemed happy so what can I do?

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 07/06/2016 17:08

Neither did you have to "opt in"

Itriedtodohandstandsforyou · 07/06/2016 17:09

The compromise sounds fair enough. I still don't see what the prob is. Is the additional cost of the (lost) fri that significant? I hope you get to go and I hope you have loads of fun. ps. Where are you going? nosey

Original poster

lill72 · 07/06/2016 17:10

It was supposed to be a group arrangement that we were all happy with. I was never happy with and told them I was not happy about taking Friday off but I wasnt really listened to I guess. this is a group trip - meaning we all have a say in theory. I guess I dont feel like I have a say

I tried - my husband has been out of work for 6 months therefore he cannot take a day off. We cant ask school for time off as we need some time off at the end of the year for family on the other side of the world. I cannot drive with children by myself.

it is more complicated than it seems....

OP posts:

MrsSpecter · 07/06/2016 17:12

I was happy to opt out completely but my friend offered me an opt in later - i didnt ask for this.

But you accepted it. You didnt have to.

blueskyinmarch · 07/06/2016 17:12

I don’t really get your gripe. Just don’t go.

MadeForThis · 07/06/2016 17:12

Just don't go then, do something with your family instead that does suit you. Seems like they were happy to still go ahead if you couldn't attend. If you are going to resent them for going on Friday its probably better for everyone if you stay behind.

MrsSpecter · 07/06/2016 17:13

Why cant you drive with children by yourself?

Fairenuff · 07/06/2016 17:15

Opt in is optional though. That's the whole point. You don't have to go. So have you actually committed to go yet or not?

Original poster

lill72 · 07/06/2016 17:16

Thanks Itried - it is over £100 'lost. My friend has offered a comprimise on price but now I just feel bad I have even asked. I just feel like I have been put into a position i never really wanted (ie never happy with the plan) but want to be part of it. I didnt feel like I could kick up a fuss yet as everyone else is so agreeable. but i feel like the organiser does what suits them and does not think of others sometimes. Oh I dont know whether just to say no.
we are going to the coast.

OP posts:

NotEnoughTime · 07/06/2016 17:16

I'm not sure if yabu or not {sits on fence}

However I would just like to point out as the person who often always organises things in my group of friends it is a thankless task.

I get presented with my friends schedules, their DHs schedules and their DC's schedules It is an absolute nightmare tryng to find a day or evening that suits everyone and their different locations, different diary requirements, different budgets etc etc so please don't be too hard on whoever mug has organised it.

There is a lot of truth in the old saying you can suit some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time or something like that

WanHeda · 07/06/2016 17:17

She offered you an OPT in, meaning it was optional - you didn't have to say yes if you didn't like the plan!

I am confused as to why you opted in if you couldn't manage?

blueskyinmarch · 07/06/2016 17:18

How far is the drive? Could you go by train on Friday if traffic will be bad?

blondemumxx · 07/06/2016 17:20

Imagine this, you and your friends are organising 2 nights away. All friends have agreed to commit, except friend X. You are really excited about this as money is tight and you never get to spend time away with the family, so you have scraped together every last penny and have managed to get the money together to pay in full and are excited to be a part of it! Due to childcare you would prefer if it's Friday and Saturday night, otherwise you won't be able to make it.

You are then told that friend X who maybe possibly might come doesn't want it to be on the Friday. So the 2 nights away isn't going to include the Friday just incase they do decide to attend.

Would this seem fair to you?

Fairenuff · 07/06/2016 17:20

I don't think OP has opted in yet, she is still undecided

AlmaMartyr · 07/06/2016 17:20

You're being very unreasonable. Organising this kind of thing is a nightmare and it is nearly impossible to please everyone. Sounds like your friends have tried but you're still not happy Just don't go.

Original poster

lill72 · 07/06/2016 17:20

I have not committed - yet. I have said as I have always said that friday is not an option to drive. I cannot drive with children on my own. I find it stressful with my husband in the car, let alone without him for over 3 hours.

I just feel bad either way that my dd misses out on seeing her mates.
I dont want to feel like I am not paying my way - I just do not know what is fair in this situation?

OP posts:

TattyCat · 07/06/2016 17:20

YABU. I don't get why it's such an issue. You can't go on Friday - they can. Are they all supposed to miss out on a night just because you can't make it? Bit unfair of you! And your friend has offered a compromise on price so I think they are being totally fair here. Would you have preferred if they'd just excluded you or perhaps not gone at all if you either can't get away or can't afford it?

They are making you 'part of it' - you're just being difficult.

TattyCat · 07/06/2016 17:21

And why can't you drive there later in the evening so that you're there first thing on Saturday morning?

Original poster

lill72 · 07/06/2016 17:23

They have only just offered a compromise on price - as i just said it was a rather expensive trip for one night.

It is supposed to be a group trip we were all happy with - ie not that we have been invited to. one other girl has already been excluded as she does not have a car or funds for this type of trip. i feel she has not been thought of either when she is part of the group.

OP posts:

AndNowItsSeven · 07/06/2016 17:23

You could have taken children after lunch registration. As for the driving on your own that's something you need to get used to.

MrsSpecter · 07/06/2016 17:24

Oh god! You sound like a moany brat. Dont go, you'll ruin it for everyone else if they have to put up with your sour bake.

Next time YOU organise it.

blueskyinmarch · 07/06/2016 17:25

Why don’t you get up really early on Saturday and be there as everyone is getting up? Or leave really late Friday when the traffic is quieter. Your DD will sleep in the car. We used to do when the kids were small when travelling from Scotland to Cambridge to visit my BIL. Leave just after tea time and get there about midnight. All straight to bed then there to have fun the next day.

Itriedtodohandstandsforyou · 07/06/2016 17:25

I think if you can afford to go even though you miss out on the first night then you should go, it sounds like the organiser wants you to go, i.e she's deducting cost somewhat. I agree that being the organiser can be tiresome trying to accommodate everyone therefore its easier to go with the majority iyswim. Just a thought, Is it poss you could go much later on the friday eve avoiding rush hour traffic?

TattyCat · 07/06/2016 17:26

You're coming across very sulky and selfish here, Op.

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