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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed by a weekend away...

178 replies

lill72 · 07/06/2016 15:35

A weekend with friends and children was organised. I was never fully committed due to personal factors but was always annoyed that the location meant having to take children out of school or at least leaving work early - something not possible for my family. Apparently there are additional traffic delays meaning if you dont leave by after lunch, you will be signifianlty delayed. We can't leave early so now we are really forced to leave saturday morning. If we do this, we still have to pay the full amount for the weekend. This makes it a lot for one night. It is not like I have said I was in, I was almost a latecomer. But it seems like it is all in or not. Even though I was never fully in agreement in the first place. Feel like it suits certain people and I just have to slot it. What is fair?

OP posts:
branofthemist · 07/06/2016 18:16

Fenulla - yes you are right. I dont feel listened to

You don't feel they listened to when organising a trip you weren't sure if you could go on?Confused

blueskyinmarch · 07/06/2016 18:17

Wait a minute! You said you couldn’t commit early on because your DH didn’t have a job, not because he couldn’t get the day off. Stop changing the story!

Dozer · 07/06/2016 18:18

You are overthinking it all! No "feeling bad" necessary if you don't go. And why martyr yourself for your DD? DC can't do all the stuff they might like to any more than adults can - no biggie.

GarlicSteak · 07/06/2016 18:18

Blue, I think she means: I can go on Friday if DH isn't working; I can't go until Saturday if he is.

amroc18 · 07/06/2016 18:19

YABU I'm afraid. Just don't go if you don't want to.

You can't expect people to make plans around you if you can't commit. I understand that it wasn't your fault you couldn't commit but it wasn't theirs either.

I would be royally peeved to have to arrange something around someone then them not come. So your friends aren't being unreasonable.

Decide if you are happy to go at the current price, and stick by and make peace with your decision.

GarlicSteak · 07/06/2016 18:19

And why martyr yourself

Thread in a nutshell.

blueskyinmarch · 07/06/2016 18:20

Yes i understand that. But that wasn’t the issue at the outset.

whois · 07/06/2016 18:20

With the added details about the hut and stuff, it's obvious the weekend doesn't suit you so just don't go! You don't have to. No need to be so miserable about it.

GarlicSteak · 07/06/2016 18:21

Just read back, blue - you're right Confused

whois · 07/06/2016 18:22

How my group now do it, is the person who is kind enough to organise it, basically get to choose.

Same.

Fenullafabulous · 07/06/2016 18:23

If I liked spending time with these ppl, and my dc wanted to go I would go, and make the best of it. I can see why you feel hard done by, but that doesn't neccessarily mean anyone else is being unreasonable.
If you're being offered a bit of money off, take that deal, don't feel bad.
Then next time have a think about what you would really like to do/ can do and make a couple of positive suggestions.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:24

tatty - we did not go 2 years ago as we had already organised a trip with friends from overseas. we went last year!

OP posts:
Fenullafabulous · 07/06/2016 18:25

Oh, btw, I am now more confident driving when my dh isn't in the car

Rainbunny · 07/06/2016 18:26

Sorry OP but it seems your schedule put you in the minority as everyone else is okay with the schedule. It's hard, if not impossible to cater to everyone's preferences in a group situation. I can also see why they wouldn't be too keen on scheduling it to suit you (which presumably is less convenient for them) while you weren't even committing to joining. I think your frustration is also based on your anxiety about driving which is understandable. Fwiw your friends sound like they want you to come, maybe this time isn't good but in the future you can try organising another trip.

revealall · 07/06/2016 18:27

Again, just let them take your DD. Give them the reduced payment you agreed on.
Be less stress on the adults have two less and a baby and all the children will have fun.

NaraDeer · 07/06/2016 18:28

When it's a group holiday then the majority wins, and if there's, say, 5 families involved and 4 are definitely in and happy with the plan and 1 doesn't know if they'll even go and aren't happy with the plan, then you go with what most people want.
That can be annoying and upsetting if you're the one left feeling ignored and stuck in the middle, but that's how group holidays work.

So you're adamant that you're not going Friday for various reasons, that's cool.
Your options are to go early Saturday and hopefully enjoy Saturday and Sunday (and pay slightly less due to not going Friday, if I've read that right?)
Or just not go. Cut your losses and forget about it.

There's no point going back and forth about what happened, what was said, what might have been. For your own sanity just decide if you'd like to go Saturday despite it not being what you yourself would have chosen or let them know now that you won't be able to make it and move on.

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:29

DH contracts, so if he was working by the time of the weekend, he could not take the day off.

I am not changing the story - you are maybe not understanding my situation.... Also said my DD could not take a day off school as we have to ask for time off later in the year.

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:29

so should I take the reduced rate offered or just pay the whole price - almost £250...

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:31

Nara - then should I feel bad about paying less? My friend initially did say all in or all out but is now offering me a reduced rate. I feel bad but feel paying the whole amount is too much esp when I said from the outset fri was always going to be difficult.

OP posts:
ThatStewie · 07/06/2016 18:33

School is a non- issue. You could be away at 4 at the latest or call in sick. It's also ok for friends to make firm plans on the basis that they can all attend & hope that another friend can make it too.

It does sound like you're incredibly anxious though and that you're letting your anxiety put up blocks that aren't really there.

Fenullafabulous · 07/06/2016 18:34

I wouldnt feel bad about the reduced rate.
You're there for less time and were never going to be there for the friday.
Try to enjoy it.

happypoobum · 07/06/2016 18:34

The thing is OP, when you organise an event like this for lots of people, all with differing requirements, you are never going to be able to please everyone. You said yourself you don't take the lead and organise trips.

I am a teacher and cannot take time off in term time (unless exceptional circs) so I often have to fit in with or stay out of plans. So whilst I do understand and sympathise, I feel you should make sure you are in charge next time.

With regards to this trip, I probably wouldn't bother going, but really that's just your call, it's nobody elses problem. I hope if you do go, you have fun.

Scarydinosaurs · 07/06/2016 18:35

Then don't go. Why stress over it? Your friends want to go, it suits the people who want to go...why should more people compromise for what you want? Surely here the majority rule?

LyndaNotLinda · 07/06/2016 18:35

Weekends away usually start on a Friday. Most places will only let you book Friday - Saturday because otherwise they're empty Friday night.

Either you are fully committed to the weekend away in which case your feelings should be considered (although I challenge you to find anywhere remotely affordable within 3 hours of London) or you're not, in which case you suck it up.

But what is really off is your friends cutting the cost to you (thereby taking the financial hit themselves I presume) and you still complaining!

Original poster
lill72 · 07/06/2016 18:35

thanks Nara - that is well said and has made me feel calmer about it somewhat. You are right. I know I am getting into a tizz about nothing.

bran - I could have committed more readily if it was organised somewhere else closer. that is the thing. i siad this but was not listened to.

am roc yes undertsood. but it was a group event and think 2 people have not been taken into consideration. my other mate cant afford it and i feel bad for her too. something cheaper and closer and she might have been in. just a pattern with the holidays starting to emerge where not everyone is thought of.

OP posts: