Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

ANOTHER PIL, well FIL thread. I'm shaking.

548 replies

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 00:49

I just need to rant, so I will try and make sense, but I'm shaking and furious.

FIL is staying with us for a while, and house/dog sitting whilst we are abroad. His ex wife (My MIL) warned me about him and warned my partner not to leave me alone with him, his sisters have also warned me about him. He has mental health issues and as my partner described 'crazy' ( I think he was joking, but not joking at the same time).

They arrived from the airport at the weekend, chatting away and woke the baby up, I asked them to be quite, they didn't and baby stayed awake until 10pm, I was fuming. Just shut up when I'm trying to put baby back to sleep! It's only me and my dp at home, so bedtimes are quite and calm, I was told he needs to sleep in noise, which he does in the daytime but not for bedtime. So, that didn't put us off to a good start. He had just arrived in my home and I think I deserved a little more respect.

The next day, again, bedtime I asked for quiet and sat down with the TV on snuggled up to my LO. (I had been trying to get him down for an hour before i had given into the TV). All throughout this he was watching videos on his laptop, loudly, I asked my dp to ask him to turn it down, and he did, barely. He did the same again last night, dp was busy so I had to turn him down. He didn't like that.

Then it came to a heads last night, I'm very nervous about leaving the house and my first big trip abroad with the baby, so I was trying to go over all things with the house - shower dripping, please do it up tightly - ant problem, please keep things clean and food away. General bits. I then mentioned, if anything big happens, you must contact real estate/landlords. He refused, saying he will have nothing to do with them, I said fine, but let us know and we will tell them. Again, refused. This upset me as it's a rented house, so its their responsibility. I tried to reiterate the point when he just said 'stop, enough', completely ignoring me. Now, if it has been my partner, his son saying this, he would have listening. I walked away, fuming at both of them. I spoke to my partner and said he has to support me, he agreed and apologised.
Oh, and he has also moved all my washing off where I've had it drying onto the stinky dog sofa, as it was in his way of where he wanted to sit (it wasn't)
Today, FIL ignored me all morning. He. Is. So. Rude. In my own home, we have paid for him to come over, and I'm fuming. He spent all morning feet up on the sofa, under the blanket, just in the way of me trying to have a day with my boy. His breakfast stuff all on the side, towel just left on the sofa. I just asked him if I could have my sofa back, so I can feed and settle my lo, he said no, I will not go because you told me to (I just asked if whilst I'm trying to put lo down, could he read in his room).

We get into a bit of a discussing (argument), I said I have felt disrespected since he arrived and this is my home so certain rules and a level of respect if expected of everything. He argued that this was actually his home Hmm anyway, that's how it went, he is now in his room as I refuse to be stuck in mine with an 8mo because he thinks he can commender my home.

He's fudging nuts. I know my partner needs to step up, and say something, but I need him (FIL) to know I will not be walked over in my own home.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm on my phone and typing in a fury! These probably don't seem like a lot, but he just creeps me out and I've tried to like him, and I don't. It probably didn't help I had a guard up after the warning from my partners family.

OP posts:
awhfuck · 07/06/2016 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

P1nkP0ppy · 07/06/2016 07:23

Ok, FIL is unreasonable but you OP sound like you were spoiling for a fight from the start.
Your telling everyone how awful the FIL is does you no favours at all, just makes you seem determined to have the upper hand.
If I were FIL I'd have left after the first few hours, not stayed around to be used as a whipping boy for everything I did/didn't do.
I appreciate that you're getting stressed out but your behaviour is dreadful.

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kittyrobin · 07/06/2016 07:25

I think your fil sounds like an absolute asshole and I would hate to have to live with him.

However, right from the get go you were rude and patronising to him. You don't tell a guest in your home to clean the shower after they've used it Confused not unless they are 12! You do seem intent on teaching him to suck eggs.

I think you come across as controlling and anxious, however, you have a young baby and I think you mentioned yourself you were anxious over going away?
And the fear of a baby that won't settle is certainly enough to make me cross and unreasonable.

Pagwatch · 07/06/2016 07:25

He has a serious mental health issue.
But anyone thinking you are being not very nice is 'an utter twat'

Classy

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:26

Should - thank youFlowersDP has taken FIL to work, I haven't had a chance to talk to him privately all day.

LIZ, I never asked him to sit on the dog sofa Hmmhe moved my wet washing into the dog sofa.
And it does relax my son Confused it's a short window, but plonk him in front of the telly and he will relAx or just got to sleep.

Sainty, I'm upset I sank to his level, I didnt go out intending to have this happen. I just snapped. And yes,
It'll be his last visit!

OP posts:
echt · 07/06/2016 07:26

Unfortunately I've attracted some utter twats. If by that you mean people who don't agree with you because of what you have posted, then yes.

While a person's health is their own concern; when someone with a serious condition comes to live in my house, I would wish to know, for their sake and comfort as well as my own, enough details to be well-prepared.

Your FILs' family warn you about his MH and say he's "crazy" and you still don't know what the problem is? Have you asked your DH?

P1nkP0ppy · 07/06/2016 07:26

I'm a long term lurker and have always thought of some lovely women being on here. This was not the case. Luckily I know I'm not being unreasonable.........Unfortunately I've attracted some utter twats

So, when you don't like the majority saying YABU you start the insults, you sound like a very nice person......... NOT.

CoolforKittyCats · 07/06/2016 07:27

lamington sorry, but you sound like hard work.

This. In fact you sound very very hard work and quite controlling.

OrangesandLemonsNow · 07/06/2016 07:28

It'll be his last visit!

You do realise it isn't just your choice don't you

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:29

I wasn't rude and patronising?!? He woke the baby up and when trying to settle, would not keep quiet?!???
Why is it unreasonable to ask a guest just to do a few simple things, just after they've used something? I asked because after him being here for a
Few days, he hadn't don't it! 'Would you mind just wiping the shower down and turning the shower off properly so it doesn't drop everywhere?!? It's broken!'

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:30

Yes, my partner is good at bedtime,
Does dinner and gives him nice long bath. However, he will only
Settle with me as I've got the milk!

OP posts:
awhfuck · 07/06/2016 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:32

I do realise it isn't my choice, I've spoken to my partners sister, and she agrees, if my partner wants him here, other accommodation will have to be arranged or we wait until we can visit him (and I won't be joining£

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:33

Even when you're talking kept the baby up? I asked for 30 mins of quiet in order to settle him.

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/06/2016 07:33

And it does relax my son  it's a short window, but plonk him in front of the telly and he will relAx or just got to sleep.

So you go to your bedroom and find another prop- radio , reading , gentle music etc. You do realise it won't be possible to follow your "routine" when you are away, maybe now is the time to find alternatives.

Does your dh know the nature of the MH issue, is it something that would call into question his ability to cope during your absence. If it is controlled it should be a non issue but clearly you think otherwise.

CoolforKittyCats · 07/06/2016 07:34

have always thought of some lovely women being on here. This was not the case. Luckily I know I'm not being unreasonable

Majority of the thread says you are. In fact you are being very unreasonable.

Just needed a rant a moan. Unfortunately I've attracted some utter twats.

Oh aren't you delightful. The language you use especially about someone who has MH issues leaves a lot to be desired.

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrangesandLemonsNow · 07/06/2016 07:35

I've spoken to my partners sister, and she agrees

Unless she lives with you it has nothing to do with her.

You seem to want to dictate to everyone.

RockingChairRockingChair · 07/06/2016 07:35

You sound controlling, unwelcoming and uptight. Telling him to use a scraper, put his food away etc was not the right approach. He is there to do you a favour. You just needed to grin and bear it and resolve to never ask for house/dog sitting favour from him ever again. I think your anxiety about your trip is clouding your judgement.

Asking him to leave the sofa so you can breastfeed was beyond rude. If you are uncomfortable with feeding in front of FIL then feed in your room.

The way you spoke to FIL was very condescending.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:35

And I apologised for my choice of words. Regardless of his issues, he is still acting like a twit! I do agree I should of called him 'crazy' (my partners term for him- lighthearted) or a looney. That was uncalled for

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:37

I was in the bedroom, door shut. I could still here them.

OP posts:
OrangesandLemonsNow · 07/06/2016 07:37

And I apologised for my choice of words. Regardless of his issues, he is still acting like a twit!

Keep digging that hole Shock

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:37

I went to her for advice on how to deal with him. It has everything to do with her, she knows him best.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.