ANOTHER PIL, well FIL thread. I'm shaking.

[lamingtonnutty]

I just need to rant, so I will try and make sense, but I'm shaking and furious.

FIL is staying with us for a while, and house/dog sitting whilst we are abroad. His ex wife (My MIL) warned me about him and warned my partner not to leave me alone with him, his sisters have also warned me about him. He has mental health issues and as my partner described 'crazy' ( I think he was joking, but not joking at the same time).

They arrived from the airport at the weekend, chatting away and woke the baby up, I asked them to be quite, they didn't and baby stayed awake until 10pm, I was fuming. Just shut up when I'm trying to put baby back to sleep! It's only me and my dp at home, so bedtimes are quite and calm, I was told he needs to sleep in noise, which he does in the daytime but not for bedtime. So, that didn't put us off to a good start. He had just arrived in my home and I think I deserved a little more respect.

The next day, again, bedtime I asked for quiet and sat down with the TV on snuggled up to my LO. (I had been trying to get him down for an hour before i had given into the TV). All throughout this he was watching videos on his laptop, loudly, I asked my dp to ask him to turn it down, and he did, barely. He did the same again last night, dp was busy so I had to turn him down. He didn't like that.

Then it came to a heads last night, I'm very nervous about leaving the house and my first big trip abroad with the baby, so I was trying to go over all things with the house - shower dripping, please do it up tightly - ant problem, please keep things clean and food away. General bits. I then mentioned, if anything big happens, you must contact real estate/landlords. He refused, saying he will have nothing to do with them, I said fine, but let us know and we will tell them. Again, refused. This upset me as it's a rented house, so its their responsibility. I tried to reiterate the point when he just said 'stop, enough', completely ignoring me. Now, if it has been my partner, his son saying this, he would have listening. I walked away, fuming at both of them. I spoke to my partner and said he has to support me, he agreed and apologised.
Oh, and he has also moved all my washing off where I've had it drying onto the stinky dog sofa, as it was in his way of where he wanted to sit (it wasn't)
Today, FIL ignored me all morning. He. Is. So. Rude. In my own home, we have paid for him to come over, and I'm fuming. He spent all morning feet up on the sofa, under the blanket, just in the way of me trying to have a day with my boy. His breakfast stuff all on the side, towel just left on the sofa. I just asked him if I could have my sofa back, so I can feed and settle my lo, he said no, I will not go because you told me to (I just asked if whilst I'm trying to put lo down, could he read in his room).

We get into a bit of a discussing (argument), I said I have felt disrespected since he arrived and this is my home so certain rules and a level of respect if expected of everything. He argued that this was actually his home anyway, that's how it went, he is now in his room as I refuse to be stuck in mine with an 8mo because he thinks he can commender my home.

He's fudging nuts. I know my partner needs to step up, and say something, but I need him (FIL) to know I will not be walked over in my own home.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm on my phone and typing in a fury! These probably don't seem like a lot, but he just creeps me out and I've tried to like him, and I don't. It probably didn't help I had a guard up after the warning from my partners family.

Jodie, don't be put off asking for help. There are lots of brilliantly helpful areas of MN, just not AIBU.

Yes I agree it is Cyber bullying.

Op, if I were you I'd ask MN to close the thread or remove it.

What a joke this has become. I feel for you.

Also agree that it is bullying.

Jodie1982 I think most threads on AIBU are actually pretty fair on balance. This thread is unfortunately not an example of this.

Snowbells How dare you accuse me of cyberbullying. I have asked the OP twice if you had sought any support. I asked because I may be able to point her in the right direction if she did. You have no idea of my intentions, you have simply assumed something because it fits what you want to believe. Yes I have berated the the OP because I call it when I see bigotry against people whether it be because of race, sex, gender, age or mental health. But I also know that these people sometimes need help themselves. Hence the question.

For you to round in on me, when other posters have said far worse is atrocious and I shall be reporting your ignorant post.

So everyone's cool?

dog then don't come onto aibu if you don't really want to
Accept that you are wrong

Kali I don't consider myself "wrong" at all. I consider myself right, and you are wrong.

And I don't accept that you get what is coming to you, simply because AIBU can be a bit "honest". Oh, that is the AIBU culture is it? Well if that's the case the AIBU culture is a bullying culture and you should take a long look at yourselves. It doesn't make it right that that is the done thing around here. Someone with possible PND being treated like that? And then not taking your advice, and you're all having a strop about that? Outrageous. Have a bit of honesty thrown back at you, bunch of shrieking harpies. If you don't like that then maybe you should back off from AIBU yourselves.

Restless

I'm sorry if you didn't mean to bully the OP, but plenty on here did. It just goes to show that on forums, what you read might not be what the poster meant. OP had a tough time, came on here and people made it worse. Unfortunately, your posts - however well-meaning - do insinuate that you think all of this is HER fault. Not FiL's. She's the one who has to seek help, not him.

To be honest, I think OP just needed an outlet. It says so on the header of the post: a rant. We've all been there before! If anyone who has to have a rant needs to seek professional help, everyone would have a therapist. Had I been the OP, I would never have brought this online. I would have sought my friends instead who know me and can interpret what I say. That, I learned from experience. I went on a forum years ago and said something along the lines of "I'm so jealous xxx got xxx. I wished I could afford the same."

I wasn't jealous-jealous. I meant it the way you say it to a friend (which they often take as a compliment). Cue countless people telling me what a b*tch I am for being jealous.

OP is in Australia. Who knows? Maybe her closest friends are far, far away. She probably just wanted someone to listen to her, and people just made it worse.

And regarding "honesty"...

... there is this company in the US (which will remain unnamed) that is known for its culture of 'honesty'. Years ago, when I first heard about it, I liked the sound of it. The founder basically wanted to create a company that was based on meritocracy, where people could speak out their minds, and others had to listen. The idea was that this would foster a culture of transparency and trust, and get rid of a lot of company politics. The company is very successful, so people thought companies could benefit from such an approach.

Years later, with many more employees on board and the founder soon to be replaced as CEO, people fear that what has happened in this company instead is that a culture of bullying has been enabled. Many who have left have said this.

There is a fine line between brutal honesty and just being brutal. I think some people don't recognize what is what.

Restless called the OP "sanctimonious" only a few posts ago, demanded an apology (again) and seems peeved that her advice wasn't listened to and not put into practise immediately. Oh bloody diddums! I would call that bullying personally.

Advise if you want to. Don't get your knickers in a twist when the advice isn't acted upon because the person you're advising has MH issues. Would I take the advice of a woman who called me sanctimonious? Would I fuq.

I turned the word 'sanctimonious' around on the OP because she had used it an attack on other people on here. I didn't demand an apology, I said that her FIL had apologised to her but she hadn't said whether she had apologised to him. As did other people. I aslo offered support way before that and the OP didn't answer and continued to verbally attack a man with mental health issues. As I said I call bigotry out when I see it. The OP admitted she had issues and I have offered to help.

I really wasn't going to mention this but I have a relative with schizophrenia. Some time ago he (reluctantly) went on a date that a friend set him up on. The woman in question really didn't handle his behaviour very well, made a terrible scene in the pub and very loudly called him a 'nut-job' before storming out. It took him 3 months to leave the house, and a good 3 months for to stop wanting to find her and her and publicly scream obscenities at her.

I won't be coming back to this thread. So please feel free to paint me the poster child for what-ever is wrong with it.

Snowbells do fuck off dear, you are not the thread police. I am asking as I did previously because she admitted that she could be controlling amongst other things. I am asking because I or other posters may be able to help her.

Hard to imagine anyone coming to you for help when you post stuff like 'fuck off dear'

if you really want to help - if - you might want to reconsider how you phrase things. Much like the OP, really, only she didn't directly get abusive at another poster.

And you're not attacking someone with mental health issues just the same? Calling someone with MH issues sanctimonious, and then saying "well she said it first!"

Thanks for story about the schizophrenic person but you are behaving just the same. I assume you are in robust MH yourself since you have not indicated otherwise.

Not painting yourself in a particularly caring manner to be honest. Just really really hypocritical. And I think it would be better for all if you didn't.

Not sure why you're getting such a bashing, OP - you sound very stressed out by a very difficult guest. He sounds dreadful, and the home ownership thing is very disempowering and unsettling. I'd be livid too.

In a couple of days you'll be far, far away, and you have a cleaner coming to make the mess go away before you return, so you don't have the anxiety of that.

It's impossible to carry on 100% as normal when there's a guest in the house, so you do kind of have to suck it up about doing the bedtime routine in your bedroom or the baby's, even if you're used to doing it in the living area - it's not reasonable to ask a guest to sit in their room like that, but I think you've probably realised that by now.

In every other regard, he sounds like very hard work, but it's great that DH is on side - good luck getting through the next few days!

More ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Sweetie.

I reported Restless' comment to snowbells. Totally needless.

So what is everyone doing for the weekend?

I can't believe this is still going.

Ladies, I do all appreciate the effort put into this and some of the lovely help I have received. I just needed a rant, I had a bad day, I've been anxious for a few weeks leading up to my holiday, for many reasons, this does not mean I need help, nor does it mean I have MH issues.

I think this thread has turned into something quite horrible, but I like how a few of you have stuck it out and continue to support me. It's lovely, thank you.

I'm now off on holiday, I've had a few delicious drinks and I'm buzzing! I'll still be about but I would like to put an end to this thread (MNHQ declined my request to have t removed). for all the horrible comments, the lovely ones and supportive, empathetic ones shine through. I would like to forget this week and enjoy seeing my hometown for the first time in years! Muchos love

Enjoy your holiday, hide the thread.

Have a great time laming and Im really glad that a good conversation with your FIL solved so much

dog the comment was about the op not you but thanks i'm perfectly happy with myself thankyou.
I don't like people to take the piss out of people with mh ( not having a go at the op here before someone says anything,) using language like that is not right.
Years ago it was acceptable to use language about people with disabilities, it wouldn't be now so why should it be ok for mh?

I'm not going to go into whether yabu or not- I think that's been done to death.

I have a hard to get to sleep child so I can understand the sheer anxiety and frustration that your feeling.

From personal experience I will just please make the most of your trip to see your family and don't stress about routines- easier said then done I know.

I live away from my family and I was so obsessed with routines and sleep when visiting that I unfortunately missed out on precious time I could have had with my DSD before he suddenly passed away.

Just enjoy your trip, your family and don't worry about sleep it will come.