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ANOTHER PIL, well FIL thread. I'm shaking.

548 replies

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 00:49

I just need to rant, so I will try and make sense, but I'm shaking and furious.

FIL is staying with us for a while, and house/dog sitting whilst we are abroad. His ex wife (My MIL) warned me about him and warned my partner not to leave me alone with him, his sisters have also warned me about him. He has mental health issues and as my partner described 'crazy' ( I think he was joking, but not joking at the same time).

They arrived from the airport at the weekend, chatting away and woke the baby up, I asked them to be quite, they didn't and baby stayed awake until 10pm, I was fuming. Just shut up when I'm trying to put baby back to sleep! It's only me and my dp at home, so bedtimes are quite and calm, I was told he needs to sleep in noise, which he does in the daytime but not for bedtime. So, that didn't put us off to a good start. He had just arrived in my home and I think I deserved a little more respect.

The next day, again, bedtime I asked for quiet and sat down with the TV on snuggled up to my LO. (I had been trying to get him down for an hour before i had given into the TV). All throughout this he was watching videos on his laptop, loudly, I asked my dp to ask him to turn it down, and he did, barely. He did the same again last night, dp was busy so I had to turn him down. He didn't like that.

Then it came to a heads last night, I'm very nervous about leaving the house and my first big trip abroad with the baby, so I was trying to go over all things with the house - shower dripping, please do it up tightly - ant problem, please keep things clean and food away. General bits. I then mentioned, if anything big happens, you must contact real estate/landlords. He refused, saying he will have nothing to do with them, I said fine, but let us know and we will tell them. Again, refused. This upset me as it's a rented house, so its their responsibility. I tried to reiterate the point when he just said 'stop, enough', completely ignoring me. Now, if it has been my partner, his son saying this, he would have listening. I walked away, fuming at both of them. I spoke to my partner and said he has to support me, he agreed and apologised.
Oh, and he has also moved all my washing off where I've had it drying onto the stinky dog sofa, as it was in his way of where he wanted to sit (it wasn't)
Today, FIL ignored me all morning. He. Is. So. Rude. In my own home, we have paid for him to come over, and I'm fuming. He spent all morning feet up on the sofa, under the blanket, just in the way of me trying to have a day with my boy. His breakfast stuff all on the side, towel just left on the sofa. I just asked him if I could have my sofa back, so I can feed and settle my lo, he said no, I will not go because you told me to (I just asked if whilst I'm trying to put lo down, could he read in his room).

We get into a bit of a discussing (argument), I said I have felt disrespected since he arrived and this is my home so certain rules and a level of respect if expected of everything. He argued that this was actually his home Hmm anyway, that's how it went, he is now in his room as I refuse to be stuck in mine with an 8mo because he thinks he can commender my home.

He's fudging nuts. I know my partner needs to step up, and say something, but I need him (FIL) to know I will not be walked over in my own home.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm on my phone and typing in a fury! These probably don't seem like a lot, but he just creeps me out and I've tried to like him, and I don't. It probably didn't help I had a guard up after the warning from my partners family.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 07/06/2016 06:47

Lol at a horse apiece. Grin

Janecc · 07/06/2016 06:47

Just seen your post about resettling your son. My DD used to be exactly the same. She took 2.5/3 hours to resettle. I remember exhaustion on the sofa. No wonder you're feeling lousy.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 06:47

The shower thing is just annoying, if you don't dry and shut it, the shower leaks, going all over the bathroom
Floor and leaving a sodding wet floor for all to walk on. I understand what you're saying. My house is in no way perfect, it's messy and there is good currently all over my kitchen floor and wood chippings from my partner. My partner is fine, things have been fine here. I only got angry at my FIL today, DP was out. I'm ranting on here to avoid anything else, DP enjoys and helps keep the house clean. I don't see why a guest shouldn't also contribute?

OP posts:
user1465023742 · 07/06/2016 06:49

When he will not resettle, it is, my nights are broken, I'm up from 3 am, on little more then 3 hours sleep a night.

Well, that's parenting, I'm afraid. That's life with a baby. I'm not quite sure why you think you're so special you shouldn't have to deal with it just the same as everyone else with a baby does to the extent that you dictate whether the guests in your house - who are there to do you a massive favour - are allowed to talk or even breathe. What a strange viewpoint on life you seem to have.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 06:49

I 'banished' him this morning, after he had wound me up and I needed my space. The rest of the time, chat away, but just quieten down and don't watching videos on your laptop of wolves howling and trucks at bedtime. If all is well, it can take 30mins to get my son down, if not, hours. Is it an issue to just ask for a little bit of awareness around this time? Because otherwise the who evening is unpleasant with an overtired, grumpy baby stuck with us.

OP posts:
Janecc · 07/06/2016 06:51

i don't see why a guest shouldn't also contribute

Did you read my long message about my fil? Please read it. It's really not worth it. Mine does nothing. Never has.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 06:52

User, what an earth are you on about? Special? Yes it is parenting, I'm not saying it is. But it's infuriating and makes the whole evening horrible? What's worse, me asking for quiet whilst I get the baby down, or a crying baby going on for hours in a small house, ruining the evening for all? Stressing everyone out?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 07/06/2016 06:52

A guest can of course contribute. Most do. But telling them what to do is not, in all honesty, bring a good host.
If you lectured me about wiping the shower, putting cables away, keeping the noise down and then sent me to my room, I'd struggle to want to cheerfully contribute.
I'd be in my room thinking 'fuck you - I was asked here just to be endlessly told off'

Penfold007 · 07/06/2016 06:52

You've admitted your very anxious about flying in general and taking your PFB on holiday, do you even want to go away or would you secretly be relieved if you had to cancel?
MIL and SIL's opinions on FIL meant this visit was already set up to fail. Your dislike of your FIL is very obvious and no doubt he's very aware you don't like him. Please try an get your anxiety under control.

SeaEagleFeather · 07/06/2016 06:54

I wouldn't be comfortable breast feeding with someone who ignores everything I say either.

Also .... would all the critical posters here be fine with someone else taking over their home, as this man seems to have done? and leaving him in charge when he has said he will not contact the appropriate people in an emergency?

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 06:54

I had to tell him, after 4 days of him being here, he did nothing, I had to mention it to him.

OP posts:
Triliteral · 07/06/2016 06:54

You have my sympathies OP. It sounds to me as if he is utterly mysogynistic and arrogant. No wonder your own hackles are now raised.

I think, try to avoid him as much as possible. Can you and your son go out and get away from him? The house might end up in a mess, but you can sort that later. Remember it's temporary AND you are going on holiday very soon. It will be fine with your LO.

Good luck and hugs. Hang in there.

echt · 07/06/2016 06:54

Honestly OP, you're really digging a hole for yourself on this thread.
And I speak as one who has just retrieved a banana skin from the "wrong" bin.

"Banished"?

You're no better than him by your own account. Really.

Or is this thread material for the Herald-Sun?

Janecc · 07/06/2016 06:55

no response so I'm figuring you didn't read what I said Sad. Sorry I can't help you further if you won't listen to people, who know what your situation is like.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 06:56

He hasn't just taken over! He has old me he believes this is his house?! How does that not unsettle people. I also had him just tell me, I'm not judging you yet, but I'm still figuring you out. Whilst I'm sitting here playing with my son.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 07/06/2016 06:58

When my son comes home from uni he leaves his bags in the hall, he always uses every fucking saucepan, gadget knife spoon, whatever every time he cooks and when he goes I find half a dozen cups next to his bed.
I adore him. I couldn't give a toss.
My mum clears up and puts everything in the wrong place. She follows me around asking if she can help all the time and if I say 'do you want a drink' she always says 'are you having one?'

ditto. She's staying with me. My job to keep her happy.

I really think you are either incredibly nit-picky and bossy or you just really really don't like him.
You can't pretend you like him and that is affecting your behaviour enormously. I don't think you realise how rude you have been because it seems reasonable to you because you don't like him at all.

kawliga · 07/06/2016 06:58

I don't see why a guest shouldn't also contribute?

There is something very wrong with your view of what a guest is. Especially since this guest is coming to house sit and dog sit for you. I have never expected my guests to "contribute" to cleaning my bathroom or recycling my rubbish.

It's great though that you have come on here to rant, hopefully that will help you release some of your hostility and make you kinder to your FIL.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:00

Jane, I did, I'm sorry, I'm just overwhelmed with some of these horrible responses. What you said was spot on, although you cannot say anything to FIL, he knows what you are saying, he just chooses to ignore it.

My MH is fine, I'm really not as over bearing as I probably am appearing, I'm just very hyped up and upset by a lot of posts on here. I'm aware that my need of a nice house is my issue, I explain that to anyone here, and just ask them to contribute to the little things and I carry in with the other stuff. Thank you.

My mother also has ME, I hope you're okay. It is a terrible struggle for her sometimes, I know how tiring it can be.
I'm trying to respond as best I c an, but I'm now on my phone and it's a little harder to reply in detail!

OP posts:
Summerdreams · 07/06/2016 07:00

This thread makes me feel sorry for fil. I have a son who is rediculously hard to settle but I would not kick someone out the living room I would remove myself you are being very ureasonable op, If I was fil I would be judging you how nice of him to not judge you.

You sound like the crazy one op. Hmm

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:01

I expect him to but the right bits of rubbish in the right bin, it's not hard! And saves me fishing around a bin!

OP posts:
SeaWitchly · 07/06/2016 07:01

lamington sorry, but you sound like hard work.

I don't think you are a lovely host. Yes, you make a lot of effort when you feel like it but also expect for this to be noticed and praised.

And as for the expecting to be treated as a Queen in your own home Hmm

I think you are high maintenance and highly strung tbh and this does not make for a relaxing experience as a guest. I actually think your FIL has given up on you now too and the banana skin in the wrong bin with his comment about not believing in recycling was a wind up.

As PP have said, you are both too stubborn and this is not going to end well. Your poor DP.

However I do wonder if you might be suffering from anxiety OP... You do seem overly worried about this trip abroad and your son's routine...

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:02

Oh, and the cleaning of the bathroom, I asked him to wipe down the sides of the shower with a scraper, after he had used it. I didn't ask him to scrub my loo.

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 07:03

I put banished as someone else did, hence the use of quote marks.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 07/06/2016 07:03

Every time you post you sound less reasonable. Maybe quit while you are ahead.

Summerdreams · 07/06/2016 07:03

You asked him to use a scraper on your shower? Shock

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