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ANOTHER PIL, well FIL thread. I'm shaking.

548 replies

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 00:49

I just need to rant, so I will try and make sense, but I'm shaking and furious.

FIL is staying with us for a while, and house/dog sitting whilst we are abroad. His ex wife (My MIL) warned me about him and warned my partner not to leave me alone with him, his sisters have also warned me about him. He has mental health issues and as my partner described 'crazy' ( I think he was joking, but not joking at the same time).

They arrived from the airport at the weekend, chatting away and woke the baby up, I asked them to be quite, they didn't and baby stayed awake until 10pm, I was fuming. Just shut up when I'm trying to put baby back to sleep! It's only me and my dp at home, so bedtimes are quite and calm, I was told he needs to sleep in noise, which he does in the daytime but not for bedtime. So, that didn't put us off to a good start. He had just arrived in my home and I think I deserved a little more respect.

The next day, again, bedtime I asked for quiet and sat down with the TV on snuggled up to my LO. (I had been trying to get him down for an hour before i had given into the TV). All throughout this he was watching videos on his laptop, loudly, I asked my dp to ask him to turn it down, and he did, barely. He did the same again last night, dp was busy so I had to turn him down. He didn't like that.

Then it came to a heads last night, I'm very nervous about leaving the house and my first big trip abroad with the baby, so I was trying to go over all things with the house - shower dripping, please do it up tightly - ant problem, please keep things clean and food away. General bits. I then mentioned, if anything big happens, you must contact real estate/landlords. He refused, saying he will have nothing to do with them, I said fine, but let us know and we will tell them. Again, refused. This upset me as it's a rented house, so its their responsibility. I tried to reiterate the point when he just said 'stop, enough', completely ignoring me. Now, if it has been my partner, his son saying this, he would have listening. I walked away, fuming at both of them. I spoke to my partner and said he has to support me, he agreed and apologised.
Oh, and he has also moved all my washing off where I've had it drying onto the stinky dog sofa, as it was in his way of where he wanted to sit (it wasn't)
Today, FIL ignored me all morning. He. Is. So. Rude. In my own home, we have paid for him to come over, and I'm fuming. He spent all morning feet up on the sofa, under the blanket, just in the way of me trying to have a day with my boy. His breakfast stuff all on the side, towel just left on the sofa. I just asked him if I could have my sofa back, so I can feed and settle my lo, he said no, I will not go because you told me to (I just asked if whilst I'm trying to put lo down, could he read in his room).

We get into a bit of a discussing (argument), I said I have felt disrespected since he arrived and this is my home so certain rules and a level of respect if expected of everything. He argued that this was actually his home Hmm anyway, that's how it went, he is now in his room as I refuse to be stuck in mine with an 8mo because he thinks he can commender my home.

He's fudging nuts. I know my partner needs to step up, and say something, but I need him (FIL) to know I will not be walked over in my own home.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm on my phone and typing in a fury! These probably don't seem like a lot, but he just creeps me out and I've tried to like him, and I don't. It probably didn't help I had a guard up after the warning from my partners family.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 09/06/2016 14:29

I'm not perfect by any means. I just think being rude about someone with known mental health problems by using terms that are mocking and rude about mental health is pretty bad.

I could be really angry with someone of a different race but I would talk about them in a way that was derogatory about their race.

It's the same thing for me.

If it isn't for you then I can't change your mind but, to me, it's the same.

It's chosing to be rude about something which they can't change as if it is shameful. As if having a mental health issue is something taunt-worthy.

Of course I get angry and say things I regret. I'm trying to explain why, for me, this is bad.

lamingtonnutty · 09/06/2016 14:30

Well, I hope you don't get a guest like my FIL. But as you're such a wonderful will put up with any old shit host, do you mind if I send him over to you?

OP posts:
thedogdaysareover · 09/06/2016 14:30

This sort of 'untruth

What untruth?*

The "holier than thou crap" that nobody believes. That.

Pagwatch · 09/06/2016 14:30

Pag, that wasn't directed at you.

Grin

In fairness I should have spotted that from the use of 'lovely'

Pagwatch · 09/06/2016 14:31

Now, was that one at me?

Whisky2014 · 09/06/2016 14:32

She doesn't have to tell you every minute detail!

lamingtonnutty · 09/06/2016 14:33

Pag, I completely agree. The point you made about race hits the nail on the head. Lesson learnt, and I do sincerely apologise. Thank you for taking the time to explain it, I shall definitely be more aware and conscious about this in the future.

OP posts:
CoolforKittyCats · 09/06/2016 14:33

Well, I hope you don't get a guest like my FIL. But as you're such a wonderful will put up with any old shit host, do you mind if I send him over to you?

Never said I was wonderful either or that I put up with 'shit' but hey ho.

did you apologise

I'm bowing out now.

You obviously think you did absolutely nothing wrong and were completely in the right.

thedogdaysareover · 09/06/2016 14:34

*I'm not perfect by any means. I just think being rude about someone with known mental health problems by using terms that are mocking and rude about mental health is pretty bad.

I could be really angry with someone of a different race but I would talk about them in a way that was derogatory about their race.

It's the same thing for me.

If it isn't for you then I can't change your mind but, to me, it's the same.

It's chosing to be rude about something which they can't change as if it is shameful. As if having a mental health issue is something taunt-worthy.

Of course I get angry and say things I regret. I'm trying to explain why, for me, this is bad.*

And so an apology, multiple apologies, are not good enough? No you're certainly not prefect then.

CoolforKittyCats · 09/06/2016 14:34

She doesn't have to tell you every minute detail

Who said she did?

Whisky2014 · 09/06/2016 14:35

You.

you haven't said whether you appologised to him I see

Whisky2014 · 09/06/2016 14:36

I'm bowing out now.

BYEEEEE!

Pagwatch · 09/06/2016 14:36

Thanks Lamington

That's very cool of you.

CoolforKittyCats · 09/06/2016 14:38

This reply has been deleted

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kali110 · 09/06/2016 14:38

the dog Op got a flaming because she used words towards mh that were unacceptable, and quite right she should.
Just because she came on here to rant instead of to her fil does not make it acceptable!
It's good to see people saying it is unacceptable.
It's not people ganging up on the poor op.
Pack of hyenas lol
If everyone had been agreeing i bet it would be a different story Hmm
I am though glad to read atleast things have settled down.

Pagwatch · 09/06/2016 14:38

Thedogdays

Are you struggling to keep up?

I have to go now but maybe get someone to explain it to you.

Whisky2014 · 09/06/2016 14:41
  1. I'm young for my age ;)
lamingtonnutty · 09/06/2016 14:41

Cool, he was awful. I should apologise, for putting up with it from day dot.

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 09/06/2016 14:44

No,I think the hyena comment was spot on. The comments on here made my day 10 x worse, I came on here to try and help my day as it was pretty awful to start with. So yep, hyenas.

OP posts:
OrangesandLemonsNow · 09/06/2016 14:51

No,I think the hyena comment was spot on. The comments on here made my day 10 x worse, I came on here to try and help my day as it was pretty awful to start with. So yep, hyenas.

So basically you just wanted posters to agree with you and the terminology etc you used towards someone with MH problems and say the way you were acting towards FIL was fine.

thedogdaysareover · 09/06/2016 14:52

This reply has been deleted

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Whisky2014 · 09/06/2016 15:12

Yep, One rule for some, another for others. Can't keep up!

OP - I would name change and move on. Hope you have a fab holiday!!

SnowBells · 09/06/2016 18:11

I can't believe how other (supposedly) women treated the OP. No wonder there's no "old girls' network" but pelt of old boys ones.

I guess those who berated the OP never had to deal with annoying in-laws. Never used the word "nuts" or "loopy" EVER in their lives.

Right. Hmm

RestlessTraveller · 09/06/2016 18:51

Snowbells I don't treat every woman the same because some women are cunts and some are very nice, the same with men. I would hope that any 'old girls' network wouldn't be excusing bigotry but maybe that's just me.

OP the most sanctimonious person on this post is you. You seem to be revelling in the fact that your FIL apologised, just so you know that doesn't make him in the right, it just makes you wrong for not apologising for your behaviour.

As for making your day worse, myself and a number of other posters asked if you've sought help for your issues, probably to give you some support and advice. You ignored them.

Janecc · 09/06/2016 19:15

I have stuck up for op throughout the thread. However, on this we do agree, Restless, by now joining in berating others, who have berated her, op is being sanctimonious herself.

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